The first few months with my dad

Just felt like a prolonged visit to his home.

Over summer I’m more quiet

Because being in a house with two grownups and a baby isn’t always entertaining.

To get to football practice

I’d catch two buses and then get picked up by my dad,

Or take two buses home.

Sometime between July and August

My parents signed me up for therapy

To help me with what I’m going through,

But why would I need therapy for my new normal life?

 

The place is somewhere near that one college

And the children’s hospital I always went to as a kid.

On my way to the entrance I thought I saw Bill Walton,

But it’s irrelevant.

My dad and I go in the waiting room

He signs some papers

You know

The usual office stuff.

A 5’11 guy calls me in to his room as I give him a firm hand shake.

He told me to call him Mr. Allen.

My first visit with him was the icebreaker.

Getting to know him.

Getting to know me.

My eyes would shift every now and then

And some part of my body was constantly moving.

Either a toe or a finger.

He always had a starbucks cup on his desk

And I’d sit on a couch made for 4

While he sat in one of those “Man of the House” chairs.

His room is sort of made like a living room.

He’s there for about 10 hours every day he works

So he has to make it somewhat comfortable.

I respond question directly.

I articulate each answer the best I can.

He asked this one question

Asking if I’d ever reach out to my mom

If I got the chance.

I told him “yeah”,

But what would “reaching out” to her do?

I felt like that wouldn’t change anything.

My mom has to want to get better.

That’s a decision she has to make.

 

I visited him the week after

And the week after that.

I tell him about my parents thinking I’m depressed and all that.

He sort of defended me in a way,

Saying I’m a soft spoken guy and all that.

When I thought about it

My parents haven’t ever lived with me full time,

So my natural tendency to be quiet is seen differently.

 

At this point during summer I was focused on football.

And beginning my book “Ups & Downs” while finishing “High on Life”.

The August trip to San Francisco I took

Was worth missing a week of practice.

On my last week of seeing Mr. Allen,

He believes I’m a great guy simply put

I was only there once a week for 4 weeks

And I hope I never have to go back.