desperate
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I have tried in a desperate manner
to be all you want me to.
capable of love.
capable of fun.
but I am not.
you may dream of fun times on beaches
and bright sunny places,
adventures to cities,
somethings different
somethings off and changed and
i dont want to question it anymore because ill overthink it and switch back
I cannot wear the red blouse.
Lines that defined my curves taunted my eyes
Blurry tears dripping as I ran faster into dusk
To fit into a teenage concept of “sex appeal”
Dear God
Why do you let me down?
I pray and pray, yet I still frown.
Is it something wrong with me?
Are my morals blinding me?
Is everything that I live by binding me to its rules?
Dear College,
I am desperate
You make me desperate
I am desperate for an acceptance
Just to accomplish what I was destined
I am desperate for money
Without it, my college experience will be crummy
Because I loved you,
I became, not one, but two identities
One day I would cling to your arms like a newborn baby clinging onto the breast of his mother,
while he sucked the life that was given to him
Cut me open
tear me apart,
This life wasn't chosen,
so rip out my heart.
Replace it with stones
so that I may turn cold.
Only then will I not care and still know
I’m constantly holding back tears, I hate the lump in my throat,
I wake up, do my makeup, fix my hair, and throw on my coat,
I walk out the door and into the world,
Here I am everyone, just a lost, vulnerable girl,
I've been here before.
Desolate feelings creep in
before I get a chance
to close this door,
once again.
A rose & A Dandelion;I begged and craved for a love I would never receive. Peeking my nose into flowers that my garden could never grow. I sprinkled my seeds across a man who would never appreciate my own growth.
It pounds through
My bloodstream
Paralyzing
And choking
I can't see
Anymore
What's important
It sits in the back
Waiting for me
To notice
But I'm stuck
At the front
I've got real boy problems and I can't stand it
Try to keep everyone so I demand it
No one ever stays so I stay angry
The best way to attract the same thing
Those who turn up as new are the old faces
Hear my prayer, oh Lord
This is my cry out
This is my petition
I’ll let it be your decision
Hear the words from my lips
I am weak from my enemies
It's easier to be alone where you know no one can touch you.
It's easier to be alone because you don't have to care for anyone.
It's easier to be alone because you know you can't hurt anyone.
Tick, tock, dark thirty, the clock summons the block
Smoke funneled, now comes around in the name of honor
"One through ten,"
"Bring a black pen,"
Class flirt and Class clown,
Watch your step so you don't fall down,
Morning bell and Friday night band,
"Your turn to stand,"
I am not a poet.
I only wrote and read poetry in my English classes.
It is beautiful, no doubt,
To express your words through writing,
We don't talk about how I cried myself to sleep for months
We don't talk about how I didn't want to live any more
We don't talk about how I couldn't have children
My dad said the only way I'll get into college is if I get scholarships
There are no miracles , no wishes , or any fancy tricks
You work hard for what you want
And never give up or in So I thought I'd try for a poem
Oneida says she's out of timefor mining lies from crooked mindsand spending nights beneath strange blanketsstreet-to-street, tab at a time.
Counselor: How bout we start by you telling be about yourself
ME: *sigh*
So where do it start?
I feel like I’m drowning
In a sea of people,
Whose thoughts and ideas
Overpower mine.
I’m just one person
With thoughts and ideas that seem far too alien, too simplistic.
I want to scream, scream, scream at the top of my lungs in anguish because I need to know that everything's okay. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of something. I can't craft words around it. I just need your approval.
It is of the deepest muck from which human desperation derives.
When the greatest humidity chokes the air, and daylight dries every upturned stone,
The roaring of the seas,
Clogs my ears for me.
Fears pound around my head,
Hidden now and then,
By rising droplet armies,
Fight through the pain now
Don't give in to the night.
Take your last breath while standing
Let strength be your fight.
(chorus)
Lock-down 'cuz we're loesing ground
A mental breakdown is like a crack in the walls of the universe
A quickly expanding hole
That you didn't realize was there
Until you felt the draft
You felt the pain of the widening gap
With little promise or opportunity
we carved our dreams from the various values we identified with.
Filling our hearts with the educational incentives of
transcendency, prosperity, resiliency.
Would you stay? Just a little while longer.
Must you leave me right now?
Would you let me feel your gentle touch
Before I can feel it no more.
And your beautiful lullaby voice.
