panic
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A blank piece of paper, soon to be something I will give to you.
I fold it in half, beginning the creation.
Visualizations of what will happen flood my head.
What if you don't like it?
dizzy
I'm dizzy
my head is too light
i lean against the wall to stabilize my wobbly legs
the wall starts warping
and the floor starts warping
and my brain starts warping
dreamcatcher, dreamcatcher catch me a dream
a pretty, shiny, lovely thing
a siren song that gleams
let it cover up the ugly parts
the mismatched cloth and clumsy stitches
shoved underneath the bed to hide
It's funny.
I find myself running,
unable to breathe.
The pain in my feet told me to keep on going,
Even though my turning stomach disagreed.
I felt like I swallowed the whole ocean
A ghost came back into my life the other day.
Granted I wasn’t trying to keep it away.
But I call it a ghost because it’s dead to me.
Amy please let go of my heart
My lounges need room to expand
And i find it hard to breath
When you press my chest like that.
Amy i know your easily scared
There are hours of the night when time stands still. Most of these hours lead to the gray light of dawn, the sudden realization that a new day has come to wear still more on my patience.
Everyone is worried more and more
A deadly virus is on the loose
It has invaded the USA from shore to shore
Millions of germ cells have been introduced
Social distancing is a new concept
That pain that I felt in my chest yesterday
is in my gut today
And I don't know if it's the heartbreak
moving through my veins into other parts of me
or if it happens to be the alcohol
The town’s once busy streets
Are filled with silent ghosts
The loud squeals of children playing
Are replaced with lost hopes
So many cry in fear of death
The thought of losing their one last breath
I am made of memories
A collection of recollections bundled up inside a ball of anxiety and fear
Someone who wants nothing more than to forget what's wrong with them
So much so that the light that escapes cannot be caught
Fire starts with “F” because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
It makes fathers faint and mothers flee from their homes.
It causes fear to purge from one place to the next.
Adulthood daunting, calling, taunting.Empty applications haunting.Heartbeat thudding in my chest,Through one more standardized test.
What wonders the sky beholds,
What wisdom does the intricate dropets of clouds contain?
Trees of rich brown bark, of emerald green leaves,
Panic is a bathroom sink,
Grime-covered and overflowing,
Tearing the skin off my hands
With its vicious heat splashing,
Burning cold through spilled ink.
My heart is heavy.
It is a bomb planted inside me,
Ready to explode within the walls of my chest.
My chest is tight.
My lungs fail me.
I feel the walls close in on me As I feel the hinges of panic crawl onto my skin And the inklings of my mind. The beast has been let out of their cage again Because I forgot to obey their orders swimmingly. Now they've turned violent against me I
I'm fine.
I do it all: clubs, sports, school.
Everyone loves me.
I am not afraid.
I no longer panic at archery meetings.
Don't feel fear when I see your name.
My life consists of heartbreak,
It's all made up of shit.
Confusion is synonymous
With life and life with it.
I hate to look in mirrors
To see what's looking back:
The sunken eyes, the fatty thighs,
To others that do not understand,
they call you jitters, uneasiness, or maybe worries
but you are so much more than what it may seem.
You are anxiety, misery in its purest form
A moment of anxiety
this is where your tightrope snaps
So you have a choice
To grab onto the rope and swing
try to climb yourself with up the edge with all you've got
bruise your knuckles on the rocks
I'm screaming
He's here
He's there
He's everywhere
I can't get rid of him
No matter what I do
I've tried killing him
It just won't do
Nowhere to go
Holy shit
He's here
What is worse than breaking a promise,
One you made to a friend?
Breaking the one you made to yourself.
I made myself a promise long ago,
When the world seemed open
That I would be okay.
I am not alone,
I can feel their hands clutching at my heart,
Listening to it like the ticking of a time bomb,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ,
You want a perfect poem. With a beginning, middle, and end.A perfect little thing that makes you feel fantastic with a good ending.Of nature, that makes you see the light of things that can't be seen.That is not this poem. Beginning.
The clock ticks slowly
Yet fast and maliciously
Time is running out
No time to flee
Heart hammering
Breath quickening
Bones paralyzed
Quaking with fear
In shoes that are
In the shadows
in the shade
when the hope of past things fade
forget the past
forget the pain
when all is lost, it's not you, you try to save
it's brothers,friends, sisters,family
He walks like he has some place to be,
hurried footsteps resounding through the empty hallways.
He keeps his head down, watches his feet, as if that will save him from stumbling.
tick tock.
tick tock.
you’re running out of time.
you’re going to be too late.
tick tock
tick tock
The void is speckled purple and yellow
And I am floating above it
overwhelmed by nausea
And I don’t know why I haven’t yet fallen in.
Space hurtles around me ever cyclical
And I am here
It comes so quickly
It leaves me weak and helpless
I try to talk
Nothing, as if somebody hit the mute button
My breathing quickens
As if I just finished running a marathon
Take a deep breath.
Inhale through your nose, 1 2 3 4 seconds, lungs filling with air, fit to burst
Hold it, waiting for the drop, then breath out, air whistling through your lips,
But silently, careful not to draw eyes.
My chest pinches
in an uncomfortable way
the air will not flow right
slowly seeping out
and leaving me breathless
Tears begin to collect,
from the pain,
the pressure,
Sometimes,
things hit a little too close to home
too close for comfort
other times,
things hit home
with a resounding boom,
you'll hear everything come crashing around you
and you used to come here with me-
but i guess that segment of our relationship has
come to a close and
i don't know if i can wash the taste of you
out of my mouth
forget the scratch
Panic, suffocating Panic.
Whenever it comes,
I am defenseless.
Bricks are stacked, my limbs are stretched, my lungs compressed.
Panic is my reality.
My heart whispers.
And I panic.
My heart will whisper and it will murmur.
I was scared,
And I couldn’t breathe,
When my heart leapt forward,
And forgot to beat,
For the first time.
Collapse.
In that moment you know there is a loss.
Another tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear.
A simultaneous explosion and disintegration,
Depression creeps into my heart,
Restraining blood flow from the start.
Can't breathe nor think straight.
Tears, that I have come to hate,
Descend as I began to fall apart.
Redheaded girl, who sits and waits,
For the days of cold to be over.
Whispers of other student's rates,
On the always unnoticeable cover.
The pain she feels is always real,
Sometimes we find that our lungs collapse,
our minds wrap around the idea of relapse.
We fall to the ground and gasp for air,
why, oh God, is this life not fair?
With hands on our hearts and a knot in our chest,
Chorus:
I'm stressed out
A lot of stuff on my mind, I don't know what to do
I'm stressed out
I just want to be alone, so I'm sitting in my room
I'm stressed out
Once there was a man who left
and his little girl was sad
she cut her wrists and bleed for him
as she wished to call him, dad
there was an incident that spurred the path
the family was split
I wake up and feel the fear,
my stomach folds in a knot,
another day is here,
where my thoughts begin to clot.
Panic disorder is a cruel master,
even though its whispers are irrational,
panic arches in my gut,
deep and visceral pain
and i can't breathe,
can't see,
can't hear
anything
but the relentless beat of a butterfly's wing
against my rib cage
Sweet, musky scentthat rises the stripedstairs into my nostrilsand opens my eyesto see a blurred, blue silkysmooth crashing, clutchfrom the shoving mobbehind me, intoa forgotten memory, whose
Anxiety flows over you, toppling and sending radical shivers of coldness throughout your body. It makes a cold sweat and a nervous shake; Causing overthinking and a racing heart.
Sweaty palms, nervous ticks,
shortness of breath and feeling sick.
Overwhelming sensation of doom,
the raging need to leave the room.
I want it to stop.
I want it to end.
I dreamt I was drowning in the raging sea
Cold iron was harshly pulling me
Down to the depths as I choked on fire
And as my flailing arms dared tire
I awoke in the real world conscious of pain
I am not a dishonest personfor I think not to seek a truthin the face of panicwhen an immediate thought springs forthunbiddenly welcomebut mistaken.
Breathing hitch-hiking its way up
BPM increasing like its leading to a solo
But no words follow
How do you sing for sweet release
When fear coils like a snake in your gut
Fangs biting into your organs
My reflectlion distorted by the cracks
As I passed the entry way mirror
Walking through the vacancy
My own footsteps echoed like thunder;
I stop
It's so quiet I could hear the dust
Settling behind me
The first day of fourth grade-
Mom always went on the first day,
but today she didn't.
And I'm far from okay.
I don't know what to say
and all I can do is pray
that nobody will talk to me.
My heart races
Tears form
Breathing struggles
This happens often
She yells then leaves
Someone says 'shut up'
I try to stay calm
But I feel like I'm suffocating
