' 'fear' 'lost' 'heartbreak'

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I am suffering  in ways no one can see and  won’t say.  My heart  is crying  but my eyes are dry,  My mouth spits venom on his name but. I feel sorry for him, I loved him. He liked me. 
I close my eyes. I lean back. I breathe deeply, in, out, in, out. I let my heart beat slow. And I’m gasping for air. Coughing, sputtering.
  In the midwinter a dazzling storm,  left only to feel, the here, the now and the gone. A hazy mirage not so hazy, not so mirage.  Stood still, dim and harsh-
Not a glimpse nor a single word Through the whole ride, was ever done and heard Her eyes bleared and visions blurred Heart beats rapidly recalling all the high that now were low.
Its raining, I'm dreaming, of being with someone. Or is it just the music clouding my mind, And my tears resulting from the lightning and downpour coming at this time. 
Broken boy who revels in pain lives a life where only pieces remain Fragments of what he was of all he was meant to be,
“she’s never coming back” that’s what i was told last night by the moon she whispered it to me voice like honey words like razors
Emotions, feelings, pains of the heart All words in which I'd like to part. Each only causing unnecessary stress But yet I don't long for it any less Why are things so gray? Why wasn't I enough to make you stay?
  I set off on Voyage At two thousand one seven The mast went high My thought would have never I thought the wind came safe Smooth sailing was here Until it happened just as I had feared
JanuaryI came up coldWith thoughts of growing oldSee there was this man I lovedBut as it turns out I was meant to be unlovedTears fell like the snow all around meMy family just told me to breathe February
Lost but in control. Looking into your eyes,  Still searching for a soul.  You're just an illusion,  That made me believe that you were real. 
To be lost and to be found to wander  and wish to sleep and lie awake i spend each moment of all my days wondering if you breathe me in and out of your lungs
That bottle sat there half empty, atop my dresser where you left it. I often looked at it with envy, knowing that it touched your lips.   Some told me that the bottle was half full,
  My heart has fallen My brain inoperable My tears are frozen My heart has broken the smallest words will cut me deep
The sun will always rise The sun will always set The clouds will always clear But the storm's not over yet You will hide me in the shadow of your wings  You will keep me as the apple of your eye
in darkness, we found solace. you recognized my confusion, and i understood your pain. we shared misgivings about our purpose in life, and the way the world should be. your tiny blue bedroom was our haven.
Right now I am staring down Barreling  down Hurtling towards The same story and the same mistakes I have made for the past four years I know how it ends but I don't know 
Your unsatisfied heart couldn’t keep me, I held on as long as I could, Reaching blindly in the darkness, I tried to grasp fistfulls of your sweater, but only ever grazed the fabric,
I am alone.  Twisting and turning my heart is burning. I pick myself up and  stop sobbing my mother  said. I’m on the phone.
I recently have adapted this fear of serial killers.
     I opened up, I let you in  No matter the mistake nor sin  I sacrificed my dark nights and long paragraphs, My giggles, “scuffs”, and laughs,  for someone who might not last 
Sadboi   Write I love you in ink Cause my heart ain’t so pink She tore me in half Sat back there and laughed
Doomed from start, we played our part, Two young hearts shall fall apart. Work of art with all the smarts, You’re perfect but you’ll depart.    You made me tall as a wall, You showed me love I recall,
Your hands, once so tender, Now touch my skin with the heat of burning coals. Scorching and radiating through out my bones. Everything has changed.Your heart chilled, hands ablaze.
You stayed; You left; Like allergies in the spring. After flowers came and went, so did you. The festival came too late. I didn't even get to celebrate you.   You have no idea
You painted me out to be desperate  But theres a difference between desperation and being hopeful  I waited for you because I was hopeful not desperate    I was hopeful for us but I didn’t need us to workout
It bubbles up As the loneliness is forced down How Do I ignore the need of touch,
Sometimes it’s expected and you see it coming Other times it’s out the blue and takes you by surprise with little warning  By the long term companion or a random one off the street Both hurt eminently 
Life is not giving us all that we need It’s sometimes hard and difficult… I'm asking myself  What would my life be If he was here? It’s question without answer Because he is not on my side
I got a question if I may how can you deal with friends this days  cause if you come to see now how our relationship gone how our old friends turned on all relationship now is gone
when my mind is quietmy heart erupts emotionsit's pain erodes the mind blocksand gives me whiplashit subjects itself to neuronsand interlaces by craftmy heart befriends unspoken dialogue
i gave you everything and it still wasn't enough. you made me feel like i was nothing.  made me believe that i was difficult to love. and like a fool i kept trying,
You began by holding my hand destroying all my obstacles,  holding me when I couldn't stand.   Though it began with late night scary dreams,  for which you were prepared;
How different it is to go from one place and be so invisible, then to come to another and suddenly be the bell-of-the-ball.
How different it is to go from one place and be so invisible, then to come to another and suddenly be the bell-of-the-ball.
 They talk about you as if your a bad seed But I see everything about you so beautifully   They say your menace and a thug, but you just want to be loved  
  I feel like I am drowning. Silently burning underwater every time I try to breath, I remember  I must conserve my air.  Force it back.    Stay alive for just a little longer. 
I wish I could take it all back Every gesture Every hug Every hand holding Every touch No matter how simple, i wish I could take all back From the very beginning, leave no evidence of the inevitable
 Pale skin like cream  Brown hair like coffee Smile so sweet  Sugar would be salty    You’re my caffeine in the morning  When I look into your eyes  Robust like hazelnut
I’ve spent many days contemplating The words to say to you But the words are stuck in my throat Trying to escape   Day after day
Forever broken by your lies and trapped inside your eyes. Forever a prisoner of your lips, please, just a kiss.Forever I'm yours through bad weather, tied by chain tether.
You say that I never tried, there goes my pride.You say I didn't open up, really that is enough.You say I didn't trust you, do I disgust you?
These thoughts that lingers in my head I cannot explain   Only These thoughts are encrypted by him himself   He who’s not powerful or mighty   But me who’s brittle and broken  
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