An Ode to Abandoned Childhood

in darkness, we found solace. you recognized my confusion, and i understood your pain. we shared misgivings about our purpose in life, and the way the world should be. your tiny blue bedroom was our haven. we were just two children, safe from the monsters outside.

our fears and worries were indistinguishable in the shadows, and when we began to suffocate, we held on tighter. it was meant to be. our soul’s fused and our body’s entwined to make one exquisite organism.

but we were reckless and selfish. i took on your burdens and you took advantage of my vulnerabilities. i leeched off of your spirit in a desperate attempt to feel, and you were disgusted by my lack of identity. that tiny blue bedroom became a twisted laboratory for the ill minded and the precious organism that we once were transformed into the most revolting monster of them all.

we became the very thing we tried so long to escape, and the monster bred parasites of pain and hatred into our veins.

we severed our bond in a last ditch effort to save ourselves. 

ripping us apart was agonizingly pleasurable, but the tear was uneven. you took more out of me in order to enhance yourself . i bled out, and you mocked me for it, and looked down upon me with boastful eyes saying, “look at how strong i am without you!” 

now, the monster is gone, but i’m older now and less of a person than i was to begin with. pain and hate still line the walls of my empty veins. alone, i wander the same streets we once walked together. happiness with you was a dream. it was my favorite dream. but the nightmare was our reality. i’m weary with sleep, and tortuous, obsessive thoughts haunt me

but i refuse to close my eyes because staying awake keeps me away from the memory of us.

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