borderline personality disorder

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HOW After all these years After all these fucking years HOW Do I still feel the same HOW After all these years After all these fucking years NOTHING  Nothing has changed
Ode to a woman   Dear Woman,   You are sad but you are beautiful All the tears you shed Yet, Every single last one
Amidst the turmoilmy heart shines.It is a beacon of hopefor youa symbol of my resilience
Wish I hadn’t said goodbyethe sadness envelops meI keep asking myself “Why?”Why not put me out to sea
      Every dayEvery momentEvery time I look in the mirror I see a facedefeatedwhen I should see a facewar torn and victorious  
Its hard when your biggest enemy is your own reflection Its hard when you hate yourself for craving protection For someone to relieve you of the constant low Someone to remove the fear of rejection
My face, is just a face, You can’t say you know me  after just one glimpse.   My face, is just a face, The smile I wear 
I’m unsure of who I am, I’m unsure of my identity. I’m unsure of my sexuality, I’m unsure of who I want to be.  I’m unsure if I even want to live, I’m unsure of my religious beliefs.
Person?  Dead soul?  Even have a soul?  No one.  I am no one.  This is me- no- No.  This isn’t me.    Who am I?! 
She was hungry, peaked and breathless “I’m starving” Words meant to manipulate I capitulate “How big is the salami?” “Roll it up with cream cheese, have you ever Had that before?”
you can be as  kind & as loving  as you want.    but  i still won't believe that  i deserve you. i'll  disappoint you.   suck the light
This is a tide coming into the beach Only we all know in the next six hours  It will down us out as Tsunamis do.  Every little piece of home we ever clung to Wiped out to start anew. 
My eyes used to shine so bright but then it changed. Time passed days, weeks, months a year had gone by. I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled with ease.
It's only her and I, alone in our abyss, a mind at odds of whom to miss. The girl must decide for one to stay, to chose her final destiny. The 'good' one yells for me to go, but what she doesn't know?
(((I copied this from my previous account that was deleted, Please enjoy)))  
  I catch a glimpse of your dimples when you laugh, Thinking to myself, Why are you still here?   I watch as you water the garden we planted together, Thinking to myself, Why are you still here?
Tempest resolve within me,Cursing these waters with intrusive collision.Meeting crest by crest with defiance.Clamor and upheaval, I dwindle away;The saline waters eroding this fleshy vessel.
I swallow the pills, I chase them with the vodka given to me on my birthday 5 months ago. The tears stop Everything slows down My heart begins to slow down
tonight is one of those nights where   i am clawing at the bed sheets hoping to find   the comfort that the mattress store promised.  
can’t tell people anything they think i’m crazy i guess i am but all i need is someone to listen and understand without having to plead
i'm emptyfor a minuteit doesn't hurt anymoresomething to take my pain awayfor a few minutesit feels goodi've adapted to the pain mysuffering is not that badbut the doctors 
what’s that? oh, it was just the cat she was clueless   what’s on your wrist? oh, it’s just a scratch i was working outside
You see, attention does not equal love, but my brain just can't seem to get that.   When I'm not what's in your mouth or hands or eyes, I rot.   I count up
Don't give up, it get's better. Don't let those eyes get any wetter. Don't beat yourself up or tear yourself down. Don't give the world its saddest sound. Don't let your mind lose itself.
What does it feel like to be dead?    Is it cold? Slimy? Painful?   What does it feel like to exist?  
Would I miss her advice when she shows me how, How to survive and stand up for myself? Even in ways that are bad for my health.   Bad for my already manic, young mind
I live with my enemy she revels in my sadness she smiles when I am in pain and cries when I am washed with relief I am what she wishes and I wish what she wants she is my demon, my unhappiness is her smile
I am angry, I am sad Everyone around me is fearful No one truly understands why I am fearful, I dont understand Why do I run away Why can I not control it All I can do is except
When the darkness can have a name
The moon is a symbolDespite the darkness, somewhere out there is our source of light
Click, switch – laughter silly girl, full of joy Click, switch – anger holes in walls, bruised fingers Click, switch – pain curled in a ball, bleeding at the wrist Click, switch – sadness
  She made you With love and intelligence She showed you how to be How to live How to see She made you perfectly But then she died, and you made me With a broken heart
I have felt no one since I loved you any sensation percolates my membrane like juice through a honeycomb our final moments buoy in the bluebell’s cup – then I forgot to bite the full moon,
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