i think i should apply to my local mattress store

tonight is one of those nights where


i am clawing at the bed sheets hoping to find


the comfort that the mattress store promised.


did they ever test their products out on the depressed?


those mattresses need to be


comfortable enough


for me to lay in them and stew in


my own self hatred


for hours.


those mattresses would need to be durable enough


to survive my nails grasping for


some sort of reminder of why i am alive when it hurts


too much,


those mattresses would have to work against the voices in my mind telling me to stay in bed for my entire life


instead of with them.


if you stay in your bed long enough,


people come to take your bed away,


these mattresses would have to refuse to be taken away


because “it's been a bad night, this girl doesn't deserve


anything but your patience, please”


those mattresses would have to be patient


with me.


i wonder


if mattress stores hire depressed people to try out their beds


because that would be one hell of a good mattress if it can


still feel clean even after the nightmares make me sweat, and


the blood spills past the bandages and stains the sheets, and


if my sins can be cleaned from the fibers between the springs.


tonight is one of those nights


where i really need to know if my mattress


has a guarantee protecting it


from me.


i wonder if


my mind


has a guarantee protecting it


from me, too.


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