EDNOS
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The mirror cries long tears to the bus station
Her feet draw their mottled shapes on the
Pavement
It is wet and cold.
In my mouth, there lies elegant blood
choosing clothes
looking in the mirror
starring into a stranger.
we know tonight we'll skip dinner
to wake up a little bit thinner.
walking with your dog will never be the same
Dear Ana,
I know,
I know I failed,
I know I should have done better.
I know, I know, I know.
I’ll find you one day, I promise.
I almost had you, but I let go.
I let them take you away from me.
When you’re a child you long for secrets
Memories from long ago, hope for the future
Small collections of thoughts passed from person to person
“don’t tell anyone, please.”
You whisper between yourselves
ravenous creature
feeding on scraps and whispers
tired of waiting
no longer sitting
patiently or silently
The first time I heard of anorexia
I was eleven years old.
A girl in my class had passed out in the lunch line because she was starving herself.
The ironic thing was,
She was about to buy an ice cream desert.
It feels like stones no matter what I put in
The hardness makes my stomach groan in pain
The echoing of the fall audible from the outside
I can eat old favourites or new worsts but it ends the same
God help me.
Give me a hand.
help me out.
im drowning in your presence,
but it is evil that reaches his hand out to help.
to pull me out of these rising waters.
Just get over it, she said.
Were these words simply a cruel joke?
I never expected to hear them
From the walking medical degree in a lab coat.
Shouldn’t you be smarter than that? I wanted to scream.
This isn't something you ask for,
This wasn't something I chose
For the monster that tricked me,
Was as alluring as a rose.
I didn't realize my portions,
Began to drastically shrink,
the flourescent lightson her iridescent skinreveal the railroad tracksof her train with no brakes"all aboard," the ageless conductor criesshe climbs in.
It is not that I love death more,
but that I love myself less.
This eating disorder is becoming a chore.
It is something lodged in my chest.
It's not that I love food less,
Shes controled by a skinny waist, a empty stomach and an acid taste. Sit back and watch closly, as that beautiful soul goes to waste. Keep up with the fast pase, another skipped lunch and a hunch to move paranoia in it's place.
The regression lies here
Over the black tile floor
The relapse lies here
Begging for more
Too late to go away
The miles beneath her feet were many,
but she felt as though she hadn't moved.
Head heavy as any stone she strove to keep her chin up
and her head above water, but she knew.
You hold my tired hand
Your bright eyes crinkle into that widespread smile
Your thumb traces the tired lines of my palm
I do not know what our future holds
After all, we're seventeen
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
She who's tall and she who's thin,
She who gets a workout in
She whose thighs are far apart,
She who has an ice cold heart.
You know that thing?
The thing that nobody talks about?
Making yourself puke?
Yeah
I do that
It hurts
It burns
It destroys your teeth
But what they forget to tell you
In health class
Recovery Is Possible
That's what they keep telling me
I don't know how to believe it
When I've had this eating disorder
For almost a decade
But I know
I'm sick of it
I'm sick of the being sick
That's what someone called me yesterday
I was just walking
Alone
In the hallway at school
And the girl
The blonde one
With the long, slender legs
And the flat stomach
Ana
Anorexia
Anorexia nervosa
Ana
My friend
My best, closest friend
You're there for me
When I need you
You whip me into shape
You love me
I can tell you do
The thing about ED is
He never leaves you
Through the good
The bad
The ugly
He's there
A little wasp
Following you around
Stinging you
Every time you reach out
