When you’re a child you long for secrets
Memories from long ago, hope for the future
Small collections of thoughts passed from person to person
“don’t tell anyone, please.”
You whisper between yourselves
It doesn’t matter to you then,
You have nothing to lose
Nothing worth losing in a childhood
the secrets come without warning
You’re older now – beginning to realise not to trust
What people say isn’t always what they mean
Things aren’t the same as they were.
Somehow, secrets carry more importance.
You’re still only young,
Maybe you share your secrets.
You still haven’t learned, not yet 13,
People can’t always be trusted in the way that you’d seen.
More and more, you think the things that you don’t say
You notice things, and keep them quiet
Our little secret
You little liar
How could you do that?
Why would you say that?
14, and things you’ve said you can’t take back.
It’s beginning. Life as you know it… gone
The older you get – 15 now, maybe
Secrets bare more weight than ever before
So many things that you can’t share, won’t share
You keep so much to yourself,
It’s easier that way.
People ask questions
You can’t help but feel, in a sick kind of way
Maybe these secrets give you purpose
Something you keep back from the world
Only for yourself
A sick pride
All is well
That’s all ok,
Until one day – it’s not.
There’s more secrets, you’re 16 now and they’re sticking to you
Concrete on the roof of your mouth
You want to speak out, but it just isn’t working
Again, you wait for the dark comfort of night
Smile to yourself, this is your secret
Something for you, only for you
You lose friends now
It’s too much for them,
You’re too much and not enough at the same time.
It’s an achievement and a hell.
17, and all you know is
the secrets you once wanted have torn you apart
there’s a whole lot of you that is missing now
a slate wiped clean, but not clean enough
you have a past and it will catch up with you
it barely even matters to you anymore
you’ve lost all there is to lose
There are burdens you will hold for the rest of your life
All because of the secrets you cannot share
You will never be enough.
You will always be too much.