' 'fear' 'lost' 'alone' 'sad' 'hurt' 'abused'

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I feel her heart getting colder I reach for her hand Searching to feel her love She pushes me away There is so much weight on my shoulder
There was once a girl who could sing beautiful songs In her head. Walking lonely on the sidewalk she would quietly 
Mourning from or suffering with, The dreadful time continues, Close your eyes to look within, A sea of anguish rising high, Weeks and months drowned in terror, The vicious affliction never ending,
Grew up in an unwelcome environment Family abused me It still hurts, All time and energy spent Grew up being told I couldn't do it Teenage struggles  and words hurt
This one is truly, completely self-indulgent. I wrote my heart out this evening because I cannont contain these thoughts in my head any longer.
It was said not long ago I believed it once...twice For I thought that was all true But now,where are you?
I am so Lonely. Afraid to Speak. Afraid to Move. I am so Lonely. I can’t
"ba​by i don't understand this, your changing i can't stand this "     a song the lyrics echoing in my head  on repeat,   maybe its because i am Changing, 
I got two brothers doing life and one in the dirt.   I got a perfect son thats never walked because his legs don't work and he shits and pisses in a bag but whatever.  
A- A friend a foe a follower B- Cowardly shapeshifting beast, A- A game a trick the grim reaper, B- No reason I like him the least,
  J’shawny’s journal 2nd day before event
I know times were hard but this came out of nowhere When this occurred I was completely unaware   I know life got rough but I never thought it would come to this
My body is a aching, trembling,  thinking about him. How he  held my shoulders down, then used his right hand to  squeeze the life out of my throat. I remember,  everything. 
WHY?
Why I'm smiling but just pretending?Why I'm fine breathing but still suffocating?why I'm empty but feels so heavy?...Will i ever be happy??   Oh......  
I tried to smile Tried to look my best I walked into school A smile stuck on my face Even though I am depressed I've always been able to fake it All so I can make it
Blue Reminds me of many things A sky that swirls before my eyes like a kaleidoscope Water that ripples around me as I place my feet in the cold lake   
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