acting
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Leaving a hall of discord and
Still grieving for all my mistakes
Then returning
I'm seething at what I have found
And the counsel of higher life
Still leaves me burning
Dumb blonde
Was she even blonde?
Perfect princess curls
Dainty yet American face
Perfect woman, so they say
Beautiful and dim-witted
Wealthy?
Perfect act
All loved her
Not everyone sees me
Some may not even now that I am there
Not everyone knows who I am
Some may not even know that I exist
I hide on stage, back
I am a name on paper,
not a name in lights.
I am supposed to be Anne Frank
But I just feel like myself, pretending
I did not think that I would have been able to feel all of these eyes on me when I signed up for this.
The lights, they beam down with powerful visibility.
The stage, outstretched and lonely as far as I can see.
The audience, physically unseen, but I’m conscience of their stares.
Up
on stage
all lights and eyes
on me and me alone
Bare myself, my soul
Choose me
my quiet heart voice whispers
Thank you, next
Callbacks
Pitter-patter, hope
List is up
Intermission has failed me.
A trip wire was not part of my blocking-
It left me on my knees.
Broadway lights, turning off with a loud
Shunk
always to infinity, I fight the lights that scream (they are so bright!)
Location: The auditorium
Characters: Me?
Purpose: To stop my hands from sweating so much, oh God
this stupid costume itches
A platform for Thespis and song,
I would like to thank the stage.
A barrier from audience and wrong,
I would like to thank the curtain.
A guide off the stage and on,
I would like to thank the lights.
Swimming in the skyline
Pools
More like wells
Wells of spinning
No
Stop
Wells of dripping
Sometimes, the best actors
are the ones who pretend everyday.
They pretend that everything is ok,
pretend like their heart is whole.
Only around those they love
can they break character.
The actors arrive at the theater, early but not too early.
Naps are taken, conversations are had.
Reminiscing in last night’s performance.
Food is eaten, but not too much.
Blink
bright light
Sun dances
Across my bare
shoulder blade and cheek
Blink
Pink hands
Grasping sheets
Notes float through the air.
It's unthinkable how much dots with stems can
change a mood,
a life,
a soul.
The right chord,
the right instrument,
the right dynamics
make the song come
I'm not playing this game hate to disappoint but i’m not your little monkey that jumps at your tune, i’m not joining in and definitely not your partner in this cruel little dance.
My depression is like
I’m swimming through a deep darkness
Thick and black like oil
My airways are blocked
Panicking desperately to reach the surface
But an anchor chained to my left foot
When at the top there's only going down
One becomes stuck
But cannot stay for long
It is better to go down than to be happy forever
Acting isn’t just fun and memorizing lines;
It’s a complicated process that requires long hours,
Impeccable technique,
And good work ethic.
Acting gives me a sense of purpose;
Thirty minute call!
Dressed in costume and painted new
Everyone prepares for the show to do
Fifteen minute call!
House lights come up and music too
A signal they have completed their cue to cue
I've got a face caked in makeup,
and sweat pooling in my palms.
I make last second prop checkups,
and nerves have me forgetting verses from Psalms.
The curtain rises as the lights go up.
I sit on the eve of adulthood
Having seen and done things
That would have made 5 year old me
Thoroughly uninterested.
I have witnessed the beauty of loss
The same sterility and cruel coldness
THE AUDITION ROOM
ALLY IBACH
I cannot count the number of times I have stood in a room being silently judged.
Sometimes silent is not even the word.
The waiting is the worst part
You wait hours upon hours
To see the cast list go up
The hours go so So SO slowly
You wait and wait and wait
And then you wait some more
It’s the orchestra,
using their heartbeats to keep time,
pulsing with the vibrance of syncopation.
It’s the crew,
I was born in January,
many don't remember because
often my birthday falls on the same day
as civil rights day,
and the oppression of rights is much more important
Yes I can get a little over excited,
apparently I'm told I do the most.
For as long as I could remember,
I felt more joy with others than being by myself or "alone."
You see me smile, it's just an act.
You ask me if I'm fine, I lie but isn't part of acting?
You don't know that I've planned my escape.
I want to see my brother who became an angel before he was born.
What do I do with my life?
Should I sing, act or write?
All the choices drive me mad
Or is it that I'm bad?
Let me step in someone else's shoes
to be Alice for the time
I'll have all kinds of new friends and shrink smaller than a dime
It can't be done.
You can't act in films.
You're from Missouri, where dreams grow to die, like weeds under the sun.
They shout so loud, it bounces off the stars, meaning I can't even sleep to dream at night.
I went to sleep and I had this dream
Bright lights and a brand new car
They told me to go where I saw the yellow beam
The dream of a fool,
Many might say
We’re capitalist’s tools,
As we’re on our way
Surviving as slaves
On minimum wage at Wal-Mart or K-Mart
Striving for the day until we get the part
With a word backstage
When the audience becomes silent
You could hear the sound of the safety pin
holding together your costume
Drop
Curtain
Applause resounds and lights search
I fell in love with this pastime,
Now it’s my rhythm and it’s my blues.
It became what keeps me going,
It became my most heavenly muse.
It is said the ones who truly care about you,
I feel the warm lights on my skin
I hear the voices of impatient souls
I see the opposing character to my side
And I can just taste this sweet tasting goal
Every since I was a little girl
All of a sudden you’re hit
You think of an idea with wit
Stare at the screen
Don’t make a scene
But silently say “Yes, that’s it!”
You write and act and edit
You upload and then wait a bit
Isolate yourself
then ask why you're so lonely.
Tell you how I think,
now I feel like a phony.
These poisons were shared
over and over before,
between you and I,
this darkness we tore.
In the curtain's shadows, I slowly breathe in.
Eyes closed, mind awake, I bring to life
A character who's pain is familiar to mine.
She begs me to bring her story to life,
I was always told to dress the part so
I put on my costume.
A white collared shirt,
A skirt to my knees
And a mask of a forced smile
Along with a face covered in pounds of makeup,
Cue a wave of gasps from the gallery
As the leading man, up on stage he cries
Emotion pouring into eulogy,
Dead words rising for loves no more alive.
We trip headlong into the tipping tells,
They call me the actress Because I like to speak I’m wild and daring Not calming or meek But beneath this blonde hair dye Stage make-up of rose Are thoughts much more deep Than what people suppose I see my own faults Though you would never guess I
Spotlight warms my skin,
I have a rising feeling,
All I have worked for,
One shot for the role,
And I know the lines,
The audition piece is engraved in my mind.
My life is better on stage,
Acting,
Like I'm up on a stage.
Memorized the lines
On every page.
And the girl,
The one that I play,
She's the one That'd you'd like,
And see every day.
But underneath the surface,
I go through the day, acting like its all okay.
I try to go unnoticed.
Try but fail.
Failing...
Failing...
Fail...
I strive to impress.
Craving for their approval.
Hey you!
Remember when you told me I was going to be lead actress.
because I was always at rehearsal time and I tried my hardest?
Liar!
You say you dont have favorites, but its obvious you love them more.
I have been in school for thirteen years.
Why stop now? Why end here, and leave my peers?
It seems to me I still have much to learn.
About people, places, and talents I've earned.
People are unpredictable.
If you think they are who they say they are, then you're wrong from the start.
You can only know somebody, if you truly know their heart.
But how will you know that if they cover up their scars,
School life has never been for me,
it never has been, never will be.
Out of conformed society,
that is where I feel free.
The future is filled with uncertainty,
Wait for me.
I'll be there;
Head held strong and arms opened wide,
Ready to take the world on.
My voice to reach many people,
My dance moves to get people jumping,
My acting to induce laughter,
"Hollywood" , She said.
That's my dream.
Lights, camera, action.
A part of the scene.
A comedy, a drama, a TV show.
How will I know, if I don't go?
I'm leaving in winter.
I booked I flight.
The lights go down before the show begins.
The music starts and it is time to act,
To tell a story to the audience.
I squint into the lights, so gold and bright.
So much rehearsal has gone into this.
My mask a simple clear mask tied with a piece of string in play
until the string snapped
I clutched it to my face the tool growing no longer transparent
The mask wears a Fools grin mocking me
The sun bursting through
Dense clouds of despair and doom,
Is this turn of time.
The work completed,
The pat-on-back I needed.
Freedom without crime.
"Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch. Again."
Wipe the sweat before they see.
"Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch."
Just breathe. Ignore the pain.
Keep dancing. Show no weakness.
SMILE!
Are my efforts even worth a dime?
Or has this been a waste of time?
We, in unison, wrote the rules and laws
Happy and anxious we as we scribbled every clause
