sadness
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Once I believed in something real
Had faith in a love I would feel
But that hope I had collapsed and it faded away
Drowned in the darkness of another day
The hope I had disappeared long ago
Humpty Dumpty fell.
Off a wall.
He's an egg.
He cracked.
Broke.
He probably broke inside, too.
And he smiled.
He couldn't get fixed.
He got fixed a bit on the outside, though.
If I can’t hold you closely, I’ll embrace no one else.
I don’t ever want to feel the heartbeat of another girl.
How I wish you could hear the pounding of my heart.
Lightning,
you strike once,
ruling the sky,
never striking the same way again.
Lightning,
thunder told me of your arrival,
but why is there no thunder to tell me when you leave?
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.
But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway,
It flows through your veins like a water moccasin gliding through the water, exploring every finger, every toe, every hair on your head; until it takes its fatal bite into the center of your heart.
Sunny days and sunny nightsI think about you all the timeEven when you’re not on my mindYou’re here in disguiseWho would’ve known that you could bring so much lightThen take away my sight Some might say it was rightBut only if you were mine So now
I feel Jagged lines on my arms.
My brain fills with the painful memory as I relive my worst pain.
I break down and cry.
I struggle of keep my will up.
My love when you leave
When you walk away
It's my moon vanishing
It's my sun disappearing
I do not eat
My doc says "hey, you fine?"
I shook my head, yes doc I'm fine
but if you keep bringing it up then
it'll keep bringing it to my mind.
I'm barely staying alive.
I didn't want to admit it, but I cried myself to sleep every night this week because of you,
And I know that it is going to continue, no matter what I try and do.
Autumn, the present season
Changes of cadences and colors
It's a very charming time
Did it hurt when I screamed your name
Did it leave scars that last forevermore
Did you cry when you left me broken and hurt
Did you try to call me when you knew I was sad
Did you care when I wished death upon myself
IS IT ASKING TOO MUCH
By Debi Lyn 09/27/22 8 am
Estoy tan triste porque estoy sola…
y no quiero serlo.
Mais do que você me despreza
Mais do que você me diz bobagem
Mais do que você me abusa
The deafening roar of silence
when silence leaves me deaf
I shall cover up with music
Music is my escape
Its the place i feel safe
Tears over death
Not because you’ve left
Without saying goodbye
Oh! I cannot tell a lie.
Love is a dream that begins
Love is a chimera that begins
It’s a ballerina who dances
It’s a poet who thinks
It's a bird that sings
Angry at myself
That I still don't have
the courage to stand up,
I fall back down,
in this blanket of despair,
Way too familiar,
Where I feel secure
Have you ever felt unnoticed?
Stood silently, hoping to be approached?
Sat and stared at the wall, hoping someone talks?
Stood in a group completely ignored?
This is for the lonely, the ignored, the left out
Wir wissen nicht
Wenn wir uns verabschieden
Denn morgen
Gehört nur Gott im Himmel
Wir wissen nicht
We do not know
When we say goodbye
Because tomorrow
Only belongs to God in the sky
No mustard bombs are droppedNo audible or silent shots are firedNo planes are necessarily blown or hiredNo flags are deliberately flown or flappedNo soldiers crossed the borders
There is a God
And I know damn well because it keeps screwing me over and over.
There is a God
That keeps fucking my life up,
I never gave it my consent.
There is a wall,
It keeps me from going forward.
Some of us are stuck in the past
Positive it's not going to last
Some of us don't want to spread our wings and fly
Some of us don't know how to say goodbye
Some of us think we have few chances
It lives in lonely, restless, quiet nights with no one to talk to;
In physical imperfections screaming from reflections in the mirror.
All alone
Always wondering "Why?"
I hate the way people talk about me
This is why I have therapy
You say I hate you but I don't know if that's true
I'm finally getting over you
Stumbling through the rape
Over and again
I'm stunned by your lack of humanity
Your lack of feeling
My lack of numbness
Your embracing it
I don't understand how you could do that
The monster underneath my bed
Sang me lullabies in the night
Which quickly turned to nightmares
And gave me quite a fright!
But as I got older
tremendous and snarling
the glinting of teeth
who once called you darling
now comes from beneath
the twisted endeavors
of a lover turned sour
like a fistful of feathers
We was once there together living in hell but praying for better
It was all worthwhile you raised me with care from a infant to a kid
From there i am here we moved as a unit was joined at the hip the heart
We was once there together living in hell but praying for better
It was all worthwhile you raised me with care from a infant to a kid
From there i am here we moved as a unit was joined at the hip the heart
Donna, donna che ho tanto amato
Oh ! Ci sono diverse primavere fa
Che il tempo fosse bello
E il vento fischiava basso e lento
Mujer, mujer que amé inusualmente
Hacen varias primaveras
Cuando el clima era bueno e inhóspito
Cuando el viento silbaba rápido, bajo y lento
I am not going to sit here and pretend that I am okay,
Cause if I am being honest, it really changes and I have to take it day by day.
One day I go to bed smiling and I am still very hopeful for the future and what it can bring,
I have packed boxes in my dream
Packed stories, packed books
Packed conscience
I convince myself that I'm free
That I'm not living in a shadow between
her and him and you and me
Everyone told me that I was crazy, but I so badly wanted to prove them wrong.
I feel like an idiot, for hoping that things would go the way that I wanted them to, and for holding on for so long.
I woke up; you are in my bones
I’m thirsty with sand in my eyes
I feel you wrapped around my bones
Like cellophane under the muscles
Woven tight while I was sleeping
The night before you lured me
Take a look behind me now
see the patterns keep repeating
Round and round like a pinwheel
While there’s nothing wrong; it’s all benign
Seems the harsh hate of words I don’t mind
Sadness comes with a lot of thingsHeartache, grief, and a lof a sufferingYes, people do a lof of covering, stuttering, and mutteringThis is when people do a lot of discoveringThinking aof how and why it happenedAbout how they got there,How did it
Days come and go
But my love for you will remain the same
Time flutters through
Tik tok, tik tok
The girl in the mirror.
She brings back so much memories and errors.
Her reflection look so bright but yet her face looked uptight.
Bemused in dreams of this heart.
Where pain never lasts and tears are few and far apart.
It remains a fucking cold world out there.
Especially when your solo and the wind continue to blow, piercing you down to your soul.
embarassment
standing awkwardly
unsure, hesitantly
cheeks aflame with a roaring fire
whispering children now conspire
do i speak or sink into to this silence
others laugh, smile, speak
it seems so easy to cry now
the tears coming from some ever replenishing source
and I am not startled any longer
when a hot stream flows down my cheeks
when blinking releases a torrent
“I want to go to New York”
She says.
I look back at her.
My little sister
With excitement in her eyes.
Now she stands
I do my best to be vivacious
I smile even though my eyes face the ground
I mutter the colloquialisms so necessary
to be polite
innocous words devoid of meaning
tumbling out of my mouth
One day I might trust
One day I might find the one
One day my mom might be okay
One day my sister may find who she really is
One day my brother might learn to truly care
One day we might all be a happy family
The mess you left behind
A weeping mother
A newborn baby
A mother with no one to help her
A child without a father to love her
The mother soon became depressed
The child soon grew to be a teenager
What if you had stayed
What if you cared
What if you visited
What if you came back
I spend hours each day wondering
What if
What if I was a good enough daughter for you
Missing from action
Left without a trace
Leaving behind a mother
And newborn child
Gone for good
Not so much as a word
No cards on holidays
No cards on Birthdays
Brain running a thousand miles a minute
Thoughts about you
Thoughts about friends
Thoughts of sadness
Thoughts of anxiety
You are the most thought of
You rule every other thought
No words, no feelings, no emotions.
No drive to do much of anything.
My heart seems to have exited my body, the day that you left my life. I see you. But I know that we can't.
You've made that very clear.
When you talk about the past The person you fell in love with It was not me When you talk about the present I see pain over the past How disappointing it must have been Have fallen in love with me To have fallen in love with who I was not I was ju
I wanna scream
Even though no one will hear me
Out flows a river stream
I just wanna be free
But I'm trapped
Stranded at sea
I won't last
But my soul will for eternity
Newer times found me just as disdained as I found them
Mood indigo farewell blues, I'm in love with my sadness
Just as much as I'm in love with you
Born to be unloved.
Made to be broken.
It’s tough love and shoves.
Quick slaps whenever miss spoken.
Made to be broken.
He lifted his head,
Screamed with all his might,
‘Why clouds?
Why do you pour on me every day and every night?’
The clouds looked down,
Boomed with a thunderous laugh,
‘Why would you deserve
Eye have seen things that
No-one else has seen.
Eye have felt things that
No-one else has felt.
Eye have seen great sadness in
The way the world works.
Eye have felt the pain of one
every time I hit rock bottom
there is a new rock bottom that awaits me
its darker there
and full of more self-hatred
Disrespect at an all time high, I hate myself for loving you the way I do.
Periodically ghosted and ignored as if I don't matter to you.
Your word means nothing, empty promises the norm.
Sitting alone in a dark room
Wondering if everything that happened was true
As the silence grows stronger and my heart beats faster
I'm now laying down, lost and confused
You view love as a mysterious thing,
But love is not as complicated as you think
Love can take you in any direction
Your success or failure depends on you
Nobody but you knows your emotions,
‘are you okay?’ they ask, and i reply,
‘really, why are you worried? i swear, i’m fine.’
but i know that i’m really not okay
that this is all a mask, a pretty face
Let the world say that I am mad,
Or let me allow saying that the world is mad,
For I don’t seem to understand its everyday running discourse,
How rich have I made my unhappiness.
Quite richer than most men among me I presume.
And what of the currency do I so freely give?
It varies case by case so to speak.
So often I give it my time.
You observed my perpetual sadness
And your curiosity got the better of you,
But you didn’t intend to give more than words.
You texted me on Facebook Messenger
And you asked me some personal questions.
hiding.
always hiding.
what are you afraid of?
what is it that you're running from?
i'm so tired of this facade.
i'd help you find what you're looking for
i feel so weak.
i am a beggar pleading for change
from a man whose hands i'm afraid will never give to me again.
i only yearn for those few small tokens of affection.
he grabs my heart, clutching it as hard as he can.
his words stab every vessel, each cut deeper than the next.
"i thought it would go away."
me too.
but it hasn't.
Darling, I’m just a sad poet
I’ve written so many erotic poems,
Yet I don’t have a love life
I believe love is a very special thing
Why does love bring sadness?
I see girls everywhere I go,
The walls of my bedroom reflect my sadness.
Who painted them blue, I wonder?
They just stand here with nothing to do.
I am alone with these four walls every night.
I kneel down and pray to the Lord.
I’m trying hard to escape this haunting loneliness,
But my heart tells me that it’s an impossible thing to do.
Dejectedness is always with me wherever I go.
I want someone to relieve this pain of deep melancholy,
Baby, I know how much I hurt you.
I know because it felt so wrong.
And I see the sadness I’ve caused you.
But, darling, please don’t leave me in so much sorrow.
Don’t make me pay for the rest of my life.
Blue was the colour of her evening dress.
Dark and beautiful were her eyes.
When she left me that night, I knew I would regret it.
And I knew I would have a blue heart.
She trusted me with her love.
Nobody cares whether he lives or dies,
So he loses his reasons for living
The girl he loves doesn’t love him
She turned down his advances
No woman has ever returned his love
Life is big long emotion
It’s an unpredictable roller coaster
Sometimes people fall off the ride
They don’t land on their feet
While others are just fine
Sometimes we smile at strangers
It’s ok to be green or red or blue
It’s ok to be happy or even sad too
It’s ok to be anything that you want to
But most of all it’s ok to be you
The first funeral i attended
There wasn’t too much i understood about death
Relationships that were broken
Now mended
With shared sadness
No matter the time, it was cold
And the wind drew heavy breaths
No matter how young, that day we were old
Enough to watch the mess
I'm awful sure
i never liked that damned book;
i always rushed through chapters
so i could read anything else
before the bell rang.
But when I open the windows nowadays
Sometimes I wonder if I’m real
If I really exist or if I’m just told that I do
I can not prove to you that I exist
Nor can you prove to me that you do.
Is reality a conscious effort
Or perhaps it simply is?
I love you.I love you like you love the alcoholYou pour down your throat.The sore throat that spits sour wordsFrom your poision tongue.I love you like you love putting your hands on me
Back when the palms of his hands
weren’t scarred by calluses
and his feet were as nimble
as the sticks of a percussionist,
he danced with her in a space
I ask myself all the time if its my time to go I ask myself all the time if its my time to disappear I ask myself all the time if its my time to leave All these questions pop up in my head when I start thinking Thinking if I am better off.
*THIS POEM contains bad words and other nasty, gritty, poo-poo.
DONT read if you are easily disturbed or young.
Listen close and you’ll hear my cry
I’ve given up my life is no prize
With wounds so deep
I can not try
When all hope is lost
Dear Love,
When you entered my life
You’ve brought me nothing but happy days and I can’t thank you enough for that
I pray that one day you see that you were worth every minute
Dear Love,
It’s hard to explain
The feeling I have for you
But l do know that they are true
Whenever you come around my heart
I cried for you to hold me
But you took your arms away
I said I wanted to be alone
While praying that you would stay
Stepped upon the highest ledge
Hoping it would give way
If you never find love
If you have sad days
And you ever feel lonely
If your heart gets broken
And you can’t see the light
If your mind starts to wander
And you think you’re not enough
Everyone has their own walk with grief.
Some package it up and store it away for a rainy day when they can be alone and let it overtake them.
i thought i would feel peace
but all i feel is chaos
slipping deeper into the black
falling from anyone’s grasp
as the seconds continue to pass
i thought they would come and go
but dark thoughts have come to stay
the light has become dimmer
and the faint glow continues to be overpowered
were those promises ever true
i am no longer sure
this emptiness has remained in me for too long
your words do not bring me comfort anymore
sometimes i don’t really know if there’s anyone there
downcast, empty, broken
i wait for someone
someone who may or may not come for me
alone i wait
I would rather hate you then love the idea of you.
That's the world I've been inhabiting for the last few months.
My stream has emptied into the sea of your emotions,
and I am tossed around in the malestrom of your moods.
I was willing to change for you, you know.
And I thought I've loved people before you,
they always say the first hurts the worst, so I thought it was over.
The pain, you know.
I take drugs to feel good, boy.You lie like a liar should, boy.I don't trust, but who would, boy,after all I've been through?
Couldn’t you advise me
I would be so sad
after giving you everything
and just receiving trash?
I just want you to come back
Tupac, JoJo, Dooski All Gone Shot After Shot My Idols Drowned In Their Own Misery How Could They Just Die ? Just Vaporized Into The Air Spirits Fly High But Tears RemainsLost I Lost Them All 2 To Gun Violence My Life Remains Dazed N Lost They Fel
You never seemed capable of such change,
never dreamed that you could have forgotten
all those hot summer days we once shared.
You told me how you wanted to cut
Curtains and ceilings are the TVs of late night thought trains
When you can’t think straight
When your mind draws blanks
All the patterns are signals
Made up
A small brown girl sits in the middle of a poorly kept lawn, the weeds sprouting all around her.
The oak tree is shaking in the wind, and the leaves are falling.
Her mouth resembles that of cotton, and not the overly-sweet candy kind.
Hearing “don’t frown, you’ll get wrinkles” only makes her eyebrows furrow even deeper; her frustration as visible as ever.
You know, when you’re drowning, you don’t actually inhale until right before you black out.
The instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head’s exploding.
There once was a girl who never spoke a word.
Her eyes were sore and it showed
But the pain in her wasn't sure,
Whether to come out to play or let her enjoy her day.
You always dreamt of being free,
Living the way you wanted and acting however you feel.
Everything seemed to be going well, but there was something missing there.
My eyes are of waiver
They click and tock onto
the views that are given--
calloused hands twiddling a sauce covered spoon
make my vision spell a new line
on paper.
Every Day, when I wake up
There is a new adventure to look forward to
Going to school everyday, with no weekends
I do a lot more than any other regular student
When my back hurts,
It’s because I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders,
you promised we'd make it
your love, you promised you wouldn't fake it
the thought of me leaving, you said you could't take it
yet it was you who left
me in the place you promised i'd never be again
warmth.
embrace, it's something i lack.
i'll be without, you won't come back.
hate.
love, it's all an illusion.
at this point it's all confusion.
fate.
I kickstarted your heart, Benz.
Pushed your fetal blood in the right direction,
connected your neurons.
The foam in your infant lungs,
I turned that into oxygen.
The cold air flooded lungs of the sick,
the smell of sanitation and cleanliness was found amongst the stench of the ill,
No one was happy to be found here
The room was dimly lit by grimy windows
Why do we love?
Sometimes it feels like it’s pointless
Love to be hurt
Then why do we start?
We start to feel it
That same joyous feeling
4 miles away
I felt the oxygen leave your lungs
I heard you beg for oxygen while you laid on the cracked pavement
One shot was all it took for them to shatter my mentality
I’m hiding under the kitchen sink
Thinking ‘bout how things used to be
Feeling depressed ‘cause I’m wondering
If someone could love a monster like me
Don’t mind me
I’m hiding under the kitchen sink
I plod down the frost wrapped streets,
My lips carving a grin with every passerby,
Their natural reaction is to smile back,
Maybe because they’re joyful.
I wish I could be like these acquaintances,
You tell me you want to talk, but you don't mean it.
You tell me you're happy to see me, but you don't mean it.
You tell me I'm special, but you don't mean it.
You’ll never let me go.
I understand that.
You have pride, beliefs, things that keep you from leaving me alone to fend for myself,
LETTING GO
I’ve been through a lot lately.
Most of it has been so big and painful.
But today I’m letting go,
Whenever you feel lonely and sad
Look at the sky and become glad
As moon is surrounded by stars
Spreading its light so far
At day time, it gets hidden from sight
But shine bright at night
Whenever I am sad
I am totally mad
I don't know what to do
Sun is yellow and sky is blue
I just want to stop thinking
And wanna go there where no one dwelling
After the 7/7 bombing ...
This is part of a Trilogy of poems to remind people about
where some of their, " Anti-Islam Rhetoric ", started from ....
(BTW ... I am NOT, Pro-Islam)
Tears
Once it is morning
In a garden
It is
The world
The trees rise up
To dance in the light
Of the sky
There's barbed wire wrapped,
Around my soul.
Like puppet strings,
That others pull.
I march to the beat,
Of my family's drum.
And fear for my sanity,
Which I know is gone.
It's midnight and I can't sleep
Again
I'd like to think you're still here
Still roaming down the hall searching for what you'd lost while you were breathing
i wonder when it changed.was it gradual?or faster than the blink of an eye?i remember a time when she was my friend.when she loved me.when she wanted to be with me.i didnt used to be such a burden to her.
With each word you speak,
I bend away.
Away from the contact.
away from the pain.
I've bent so much.
I might just break.
I might just snap.
Pray for my sake.
With each word you speak,
Home is where the heart is,
And what if I can’t hear my heart beat?
Cause all of my heart beats were beating for you
As you took a beating,
I’ve got ash on my fingers
from burning my soul.
Nothing left but cinders,
not even the coals.
When everything breaks
Everything shatters
My heart in pieces
Scattered
And all the world
So beautiful,
Yesterday
Strip the flesh, salt the wound.
Nothing in this life is assumed.
In the darkness, I've been consumed.
Ever since the start I was doomed.
Everyone always tells me I have a way with words.Yes, my pen scribbles almost uncontrollably, when I picture you, and how I like to describe who you are, and how much an acquaintence could possibly mean to me.
i've been trying to forget you
i've done an awful job
i'm crying once again
at clair de lune.
i feel so young
yet so awfully old all at once
i need life to slow down for me
because i can't decide who i am
or where i want to be
or what's going to come of all of this
i'm sorry I feel like dying somedays
i'm sorry that most days i want to be alone
so i shut down and i don't answer you
and i don't want to watch shows with you
and i don't want to talk
There once was a traveler from a distant land,
She traveled to the mountains and the sand,
One time she traveled to the furthest peak,
It was upon those rocky shores
On top of the craggy rock
Overlooking the tumultuous shore
Of water rushing onto the sand
And swiping at the blood there
There once was girl
Oh, so bright
Who used to smile each day
She’d smile in laughter
Smile in joy
And even smile when grey
For smiling was her safety blanket
A cover for the pain
Water’s rushing in
Filling the holes
Blinding the eyes
Hurting the soul
Water’s rushing in
Leaving the innocent helpless
You say I'm like water
That can mean many things
Water can be smooth and calm
Gentle, cool to the touch
Water doesn't stay in one place
It doesn't settle down much
“Silence” he commanded
As he slapped my frozen face
I need a meal for my stomach
I have not eaten in days
Or perhaps it has been longer
In our world .. .. ..
If you keep in touch with it,
you can feel others bleed.
You can see what they see.
It’s not make believe
It still lingers in me,
How can this sadness be?
The voices telling me what I can and can not be.
Feeling hopeless, every hour.
Like a never blooming flower.
What is the point of life?
Delicate sadness
Clinging to your lips like honey
that flavors every word with sugar
They will try to kiss it away
But it only flows faster
[R]
Trapped in a glass cage,
No room to move,
To expand and grow.
I feel pathetic,
And so hungry.
Squandered in a clear prison,
I can see bright beams of hope.
Trapped in a glass cage,
No room to move,
To expand and grow.
I feel pathetic,
And so hungry.
Squandered in a clear prison,
I can see bright beams of hope.
There was a sadness I revered,
But never possessed,
Because there was youth
And opportunity to spare,
But as life ebbs,
And opportunities recede,
I know that sadness for real,
Yes, there was a time
I was obsessed by melancholy,
I saw deep sadness,
The quality that so tormented
My former favoured idols,
Poets, painters,
Musicians, actors,
Creators of every kind,
Depression is like a leech, it sucks the life out of you. It is also like a ball of darnkess that is always swirling around you.
i'll admit it
i am not much of a poet
i do not know much about rhyming
i just know about the individual
and how it is hard to be original
how we sit here and talk about nothing
Sometimes I wonder,
If the storm clouds that have always been over my shoulder,
Haunting me,
Live in my eyes too.
Because it does not seem to stop raining here,
In the lull of a mild melancholy, my thoughts condense upon the cold window of a forlorn wish.
On the hearthstone of my imaginings library, I curl into the croissant like shape of a dreaming cat.
There is sadness in these bones
Deep in the marrow of the house that is my body
I am a home to grief and anger
You cannot see it in my skin and in my flesh
But I flash my teeth and you finally recognize
Do you remember the days, the nights, the adventures we always used to share? Flying away on wings of laughter that were built on mutual care. Five good friends and lots of fun was all I used to need.
These heavy hearted warriors
With medals on their wrists
These sadness stricken gladiators
The world can not resist.
They fight their daily battles
Happiness is like the wind—
Cool and comforting and yet so fleeting
So when that familiar feeling was dimmed
I found my heart somberly beating.
I remember my days of youth
all i feel are blue emotions
in my head everything's a commotion
where everything is in high speed motion
and i'm trapped in my being
every piece of me crippling
So sick of crying but more sick of you
The yous who are telling me what I should and should not be feeling
The yous who are telling me how I should be healing
None of you know, how could you nor do I
A light in my eyes fades
As the stain of life stays
And they all look up to me.
A broken and failing shell
I never once considered the pain,
Of losing someone, but yet again,
I was so young, so naive, it's true;
So I never thought once of losing you.
I was then shown, at first hand,
Krispy Kreme
used to bring glee
to me.
Free Samples, on the yearly.
Came along with a hat that was neat
Every year
I came and freaked.
Then came Thirteen
They never gave me
My depression is like a sweater.
Sometimes too big of my problems.
But sometimes too tight, where
I find myself grasping for air.
No one else can wear it,
even if they ask to borrow it.
Tripping over wires of
The mental lies
Society tells us to hide
Behind a disguise
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Put bullets in the heads
Of all you hope to acheive.
Your life, is futile.
It is the most meaningless
Of all vanity,
And I suppose I can not
Describe it.
Death to self
Maybe tomorrow, they will finally see meBut it’s just like yesterday, another day. Crossing the days until I reach May,I fall into endless sleep and unreal dreams.Stray today, stay away, to myself I say. I wake up to the sky with clouds of greyAnd
"Boys don't cry"
Has been my recent state of mind
But I'm sure that it must be a lie
Because now I'm flooding on the inside
I am leaking from the outside
And I am plenty of a boy
Poetry is true
But what if I'm running circles around you
We're caught in our love letters and lost graces
We're lost in thought as we chase stars
mingling with each other's bodies and finding
Poetry is true
But what if I'm running circles around you
We're caught in our love letters and lost graces
We're lost in thought as we chase stars
mingling with each other's bodies and finding
It’s something of an out of body experience
The first time you see
Your mother
Cry
It’s shocking.
For the first time it’s
Not bright happy tears
Or the sort that spring up
I’m longing for you. . .
As the robin longs for spring,
I know not what degree of warmth;
Your advent to my frozen xyst shall bring.
I’m longing for you. . .
People ask if I’m okay,
“I’m fine.”
I say it but it really means
“I’ve fallen apart.”
People ask me how I’m doing,
“Good.”
Listen to the shouts and jeers
Words that are used like spears
At home you let out the tears
These are your darkest fears
They mocked you until you cried
Wouldn’t care if you died
a generic ringtone, a sound foreign to this 2am hour
a beat as we freeze, glancing down, and then up
"hello?"
a motion towards the bottle
clink, pour, swallow
"things aren't looking too good"
a pause
Grey skies overhead.
Blue seas below, waving.
Green trees, hoping for a chance to start anew.
Red fire giving trees a chance.
Grey skies put the fire out, the sea ceases its spread, the trees start anew.
he was shot, In the back.
We knew what was comIng, we had for a while,
the man came to our doorStep, but didn't make a sound.
we knew He was here to take, not to give,
the man began to steal, to rob and to threat.
Sometimes
My tears don't fall
Sometimes
I don't allow them to
They sit there, Right near the bags under my eyes
Or right on the center of my cheeks greeting my dimple with a smile
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
depression is a darkness,
always above your head.
not many talk about it,
so I thought maybe instead
of pretending life’s all great,
Seeing your parents kiss every day, happy, proud of what their growing babies are capable of
Remember that?
They're sisters
for each other, but still bicker
Family that once was
Then the summer of 2012 comes around
An eleven-year-old girl
Trigger Warning: Suicide
I’m surrounded.
Shadows line my concrete walls,
Reaching out,
They pull at my knotted hair,
I follow the sun in all its glory
Wondering if you’ll chase me?
I’m stuck in the ground
But you refuse to perceive me
You refuse to know me
Was always scared to talkHardly ever showed my emotionsHated being called on duringclass in fear of being wrong
Was always scared to talkHardly ever showed my emotionsHated being called on duringclass in fear of being wrong
I've acted like clay.
I've shaped myself and even bent myself backwards.
I've done that for a person who doesn't think twice about me.
I've converted my dull image into a mysterious, intriguing one.
Saw what I want not to see
The breeze brought me there
To the dead space, motionless
Populated with colors and html code
Populated with diaphanous smiles
Images of shop windows
A smooth road I imagine but could never exist
Rocky and unsure just like the doubt you left inside of me
How should we want to go on
Surprisingly, the sun nags at my feelings and dampens my mood.
With furrowed brows, I scrutinize the brand new face on my left side.
I don’t know your features, and now my memory blurs at the corners of our past conversations.
When you look at me, what do you see?
I'm a girl who's full of Humanity.
I'm someone who fights for what's right,
And does no harm so I can sleep at night.
Do you see who I am? Do you really see,
Let me tell you a tale
As I try not wail
Take a seat, grab a cocktail
And hear my story unveil
I was once a small kid
And heaven forbid
That I ever bat an eyelid
or ever hurt a squid
I had to close my eyes
Pain sat at the bottom of my heart
Anger pulled on my tear ducts
Sorrow pounded on my brain
The three friends together
Consuming my body whole
She cried on shoulder
Once, you claimed a kind of love, unbeknownst to the receiverRememory*A mother’s desperate love; one in which she sacrifices allRememoryDo you truly love your children, or only what they are able to accomplish?
i. you said they came with rocks
so i built a fortress for emotion
brick by brick from bitter lies
about how you thought it was,
to love a woman.
When I fell in love the first time,
She felt the same pain as me,
I shared with her a song
One that we listened to together
Its lyrics always soothed us
All my life I've guarded
my closest angels as they fell ill,
Cursing sickness with demonic persuasions
and washing down pills
with deadly compounds dressed in glass.
All my life I've watched
Can it be changed? mended? altered? no.Do i worry? bite? tap?yes.Feel miserable? uninterested? Still?yes.
But why do I do this?But why do I waste my energy being sad, mad, uncomfortable, upset?
My love, you are my everything and my nothing at all;
you are my dream and my nightmare;
you may be my happiness and yet the cause of my depression.
You are my never-ending purgatory:
Run as fast as your feet can tread
When you get here I may be dead
Use the force that God gave at birth
Please use your endless mirth
I just want my old life back,
I had everything I wanted
A job that I adored,
A hobby that brought immeasurable joy,
And a love that seemed unshakeable.
As a child you're painted a picture perfect story book
fairytales with princesses and princes
being painted as superiority
more or less perfect and humble
and you believe it
but I can't blame you
When I look at that face there is nothing in. This world more clear then what I see, this is someone who’s achieved nothing. A being so afraid to change it does nothing but stare.The embodiment of sadness and anxiety.
This is an ode to the boys who have hurt me.
I will not talk about the ones who came before the ninth grade,
They said she would stay,
that she wouldn't feel a thing,
it would be quiet and still,
our goodbye's wouldn't matter
because she'd never know,
that they were said,
Jack of all trades, yet
master of none
Is it better to have multiple people?
more places to go but nowhere to reside
As I wake up,I sift through myself
She laid snugly in her bed
as if she had nothing to do.
She peered out her glass window
She stumbles in the darkness,
in search of the light.
But the sky had been empty for a while,
the stars could not hold on to it.
It is only her,
and the wind,
and the cold wetness on her cheeks.
As the wind blows and the sun cuts my eyes
My vision begins to fail me.
Maybe I take things too serious.
Now I fail at love again.
It all comes back to me.
You really cared.
We have a light in our hearts
Those dreams that have made us stars
But you've been staying out having fun
Time and time again
You said those games would end
You're a picky one
What is it about you that leaves me out of my mind?
All alone in the dark reaching out for a sign.
Remember when you were all all mine.
Resurrect my smile.
Resurrect Me.
You can't hear me
You can't see me
You can't feel me
You have given birth to me
But you ignore me
I am alive!
Not your dearly departed
And yet still to you I am a failure, forever imperfect
All alone on the coast
With no time to tell you so
How much you meant
Mean to me
Now youre gone and i'm all alone
How the sun's shining
Never will be the same
Like the day you left me
Why am I the only one?
Why don't they give up?
I already know how bad I've done
But all I say is ‘suck it up
No one cares that's It's hard
My fear is mine
I can’t hide from it
No matter how hard
I try
I’m running
I’m broken
I’m worthless
Until I’m
This sadness
Sits idly in my chest
Like an unseen counterweight
Pulling my heart towards the earth-
begging for rest.
I beg for rest, too
I beg for clarity
While it's easier to cut butter
I'd rather slice open my arm
Because the pain is like no other
and it lessens my alarm.
And when the doctor finds the marks,
I'll just say I fell in the dark.
Oh weary traveler,
Who are you to hate the summer?
You, who burns in the winter
Who knows no cozy cabin to call home
You jump from place to place
I have no clue what I want to do in life.
My brain seems to attack things,
Nothing can survive my piercing gaze.
Everything I see is quickly judged and cast out upon a twisted world.
. . . right
away, you’ll see it’s difficult to find:
(That -- while it’s true, it’s only You able to see inside your, Mind, -- )
Lost thoughts often become begotten
I can’t breathe right,
My fingers twitch uncontrollably,
People keep on speaking,
They act like I’m okay.
My brain feels like it’s breaking,
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to not constantly Worry about what people think of me, to not wonder if that woman on the other side of the room - that hasn’t even looked in my direction - is laughing at me or laughing at the completely rand
I wish she tasted like cherry
A hopeless, cliche, passion
So I don the cherry chapstick
For a bittersweet illusion
Her velvety lips are strawberry
I don't mind strawberry
My dog died over four years ago,
And her ashes rest above our fireplace:
A mantlepiece
Behind a photograph of her that was there when she was alive
Someone moves;
I flinch and instantly my mind is pulled back to how you were.
~awatr
deep breath, deeper, deeper yet, deeper than the ocean of your
eyes that keep calling me home, calling me back back to the
I slept hard as a bear
That eats so much food in a dark cave,
What no one notices all the time,
My ears can hear, but I have weary tears;
Beyond the walls, there is so much fear,
I am here standing in the darkness.
It is pitch black and cannot see a thing.
I stretch my hands feeling for something, anything.
I hear a blood-curdling scream that sounds like a high pitched whistle.
Do you remember that one time
when you stabbed me in the back
then i went to those parties
and just sat in the back
but the only point of those parties
I’m sorry I ruined it all,
I'm sorry that I wasn’t strong enough
And now I just seem to stumble and fall,
Over these emotions ruining my brain,
Do you ever sit up at night
Staring blankly into your room
which consists of no light,
because when you dream
you dream of the past
do you remember
when life used to be great
and i wasn’t writing about my stupid life
that I hate,
i remembered
As my mind becomes dreary,
And my eyes become teary,
Again..
I promise myself I'll be strong,
But my mind is clouded by fog,
of past memories,
I was 17
when I realized I couldn’t swim
Jumping into new waters
Where my feet can’t touch
where I thought there was a lot
Some nights you feel
like there's a thousand galaxies exploding
in every inch of you
and you are burning too bright to ever be looked at directly,
and some night you feel impossible small,
The clenching in your chest?
Honey, that's just a monster
Escaping from the depth of your shattered mind,
Trying to hold your heart together,
For if your heart stops, what will the monsters have left to haunt?
No one wants to be friends with the depressed kid
Or the one with crippling anxiety
That poor child who was traumatized, but
Everyone steps away when she needs help
When the evil
Dark
It never works,
And I'm an idiot for trying.
I feel like you've unpopped the corks,
'Cause I'm suddenly crying.
I don't know where to start.
You’re the downside to up.
You can make a happy man frown.
You’re the bad side of good.
Where sin and worry are present, you are there.
I loved you,
Quiet in its blooming,
Branching thoughts of wisdom,
Soft petals cascade.
In lavender and gentle pinks.
Then soul crushing blues,
sweep the garden,
petals peacefully cascading no more,
when the sun turns red,my heart for you breaks;for I knowit's turning was in honorof your suffering.
The darkness is creeping up on me.
It's up to my neck, I'm barely swimming.. not swimming at all, honestly...
I'm drowning in darkness
The tendrils wrapping around my neck
tiptaptiptap
fingers on the table
rhythmless and bland,
we cut off the cable.
tiptaptiptap
rain on the window
erratic and soothing,
we watched the world go.
tiptaptiptap
Dear Anxiety,
You are my closet friend, the one I've come to know.
You have demanded control over me and my life, the makings of the walls inside my mind.
Thus the Reaper picked up his tools,
He took to his hands the metals forged in blood,
He reached for the scythe with anger and wrath,
According to his oath he upheld his mantle.
Looking towards the foggy moors,
Hitler, I'd like to meet
and to him I will greet
Why do you hate the Jewish fleet
Their bare feet march down the narrow street
As Rabbis wonder if their maker is who they are going to meet
waves of desire.
stormy days and his ocean eyes,
and a world of hurt
being left to decipher
what I did I did wrong,
what put me so far away
from what I wanted
even after I wrote you a song
I come from blurry images that look back at me from the mirror
I say I'm beautiful but harsh words from the past hit me like a pair of
Anvils weighing down on me
Bulying hurts and lays skin deep
I’ve never imagined myself growing up and getting old
My depression has taken over so much of my mind
It doesn't allow me to see anything past tomorrow
relentless searching
eye wide, hoping
who am i?
i'm searching for the undiscovered
eyes covered by blind
blinds filled with lies
my cries,
can no longer be heard.
Whether it is someone not listening or being alone
Thinking you are ugly or not having a solid home
Being told you have problems or other bullying ways
Everyone gets frustrated
Even me
Wandering through life
Losing touch with reality
Facing your problems
What is this
You can't stand to see
It started out with one
Became two
Then three
They come and they come
MAybe I am made of glass
And perhaps I am too reflective
And perhaps each time I shatter across the floor in shards of failure I bring us more bad luck
Maybe you will remember me, or even keep me in a dream;
Maybe you will whisper my name at 3 am because it's the only thing you can think of as you lay awake during the long hours of the night.
Money is a necsessary eveil they say
it is a means to live
a means to survive.
But it tears us all apart,
turning us into work crazed machines
that are at eachothers throats over what?
i don't really know what i'm doing here. really, i'm just trying to get by.
i don't think life has a purpose, but that doesn't matter.
my life has no direction, but somehow, i have a natural optimism. an optimism that is
You say you love me
I take a deep breath and repeat that in my mind
You say you love me
As your holding me crying.
I can feel your hand digging into my arm
A girl with eyes like jewels
Thought it would be the coolest thing when she switched schools
She was eager to see new faces
Because her old school picked on her, belittled her, and was racist.
Some nights I wake
to the realization
that I can’t remember
what your voice sounds like.
I can’t remember
the curve of your lips
Aren't these things supposed to flow naturally?
Shouldn't I just be able to pour my feelings out into my writing?
Write eloquent, tearjerking stories
and just
get it all out
Why can't I?
Breathe, breathe
One, two, three
I am a happy daughter
Who loves her mother
Not a hint of loathing to be found
Exhale, exhale
I mustn't tell lies
Enjoy the way the breeze feels nice
To be honest without the honesty; I promise that I’ll keep it clean ,drop some knowledge on how I feel .To be mean or to be real The truth about the love I feel, It's like drowning , to be real it’s like a fetish, dying but I like it.Keep gasping
unfortunate feelings
I had completely fallen for him
I loved him
Undeniably adored him
I loved him so much that i forgot to love myself
i dont know if im really who i say i am if im happy if im great who knows what i am no one but me. but im making sure that even knows my image and my heart im sad and happy who i am limbo i just want to obtain that one thing every human desires ha
OnceThey loved usNowWe forget the very reason We thought so
OnceThey said they can't live without youNowThat's what they'd rather do
with time comes responsibilty.
only those who can partake in such things such as a job are said to live happy
but does money makes us "human"
does being wealthy make us proud and lovable?
I’m not feeling sad today
And the roses are blooming
And the sky holds white mountains called clouds
And there is laughter in my belly and through these halls
I was in love with you before even knowing your existence.In your eyes I saw the meaning of love when you first looked at me. And I was wondering how? And why Me?
I don't know how to describe whats in my head.
All I know is that you are the one who has made it be lead.
I love you, I really do.
Therefore I can't seem to tell you.
Now I'm looking like a fool.
The tree on the corner was ancient.
She sagged under the heat of the sun, but when it rained,
Her canopy became a weathered shield.
Steady, tested, and true.
I'm not starving like most of Africa, or trying to flea its war
torn borders.
There is no looking out of a single celled room, an externally
locked door, and a four barred window. This isn't my reality.
Hold on tight, do not let go
The fall might be a wrecking blow.
The rope hanging, unable to bear,
The threads pulling, threatening to tear.
While you hear the lines' last call to rip,
Its just there,
On my bosom,
Just there.
Centre point.
It feels heavy,
This weight is wrapped,
Front of my chest,
Penetrates my soul.
Takes away,
Joy,
Damp and dreary today dawns, settles 'round my shoulders with a weary sigh. Mo(u)rning mists my glasses as I shuffle through leaves fast becoming grey; contemplate life slipping away silently without fanfare.
In the dark
Is where you will find yourself
If you do not shape up
And get some help
Avoid hanging around bad company
For they are the ones who bring you down
There is a cloudy scenery
They walk,
full of confidence with their bright red feet
Moving their heads to the rythem of the city
red eyes, staring far away, into a distant memory
Abandoned and broken by all that I’ve known,
My trust falls away into the unknown,
My heart holds the pieces to my decay,
My solemn walk of pity and shame,
I stared upon the idols I held most dear,
I find myself
lost in the ocean
but not the one that you think of when
you think
'ocean'
the liquid is my own thoughts
drowning my talents
discouraging my mind
the water ever-deepening
What do I see When I look into your deep, blue eyesI see a deafening silence that hurtsAn ache for a hug that gives comfort
three years old --
mumma tells me
"dont disrespect a book
else it will not teach you all that it knows"
i listen to her
and see the book in new light
i see the inanimate object as an equal
She dragged her self across the jagged ledges of dispair
Looking to the dark she begged if anyone were there
Her cry a plea that carried on a whisper in the night
Where do you go when you have no one to turn to?
When the lines of love you had, you've simply burned through...
What do you do when hearts lie broken, shattered particals like sand...
"Her name written in the moon between the stars, crossed out, covered up with several black ink marks. The tiny spark, the invisible pen, marks all you see but cannot read. That little hope, it still burns faint, the fire burns, always.
"I am picking out the glass underneath my feet from stepping on your littered beach. I tossed it back into your sea and poisoned the wildlife, killed off its resources. The water grew toxic so I couldn't swim.
this is what depression feels like
or something else.
Anxiety?
My head is spinning and is thinking about things other than this world,
It’s because I love the orange tint
And hand painted clouds
Dipped in neon pinks and yellows
We are only trying to help you
You are surrounded by darkness
Keep messing around with narcotics
And you will drown in sadness
Things will disappear bit by bit
The walls are caving in
The words on the tip of her tongue are like daggers
Gliding through silence, stabbing at past memories,
Slicing open old wounds. It hurts - healing. Ripping
Lost
Not the magical lost you get when you go to Disney
Or walk into your favorite store
Not the dreamy sort of lost you feel when you stare into a pair of eyes or a really good book
An old house upon the hill
Sitting quietly, sitting still
Dusty everywhere with dirty windows cracked
Broken down shelves and old books stacked
Moth-eaten rugs and rotted boards
I should not be ashamed of how I feel
And its okay to express your emotions
Mainly it taught me that I am beautiful
Like the tide
You come in
And out
Of my life
Salty water
Seeking to
Cleanse
Seeking to
Burn
Red eyes,
Flaming
Cheeks
Seagulls
Bang, Bang.
You Shot Me Down.
You broke my heart and let me drown.
You lost sight of what we had.
You didnt care if it hurt so bad.
We Fell In Love In A Hopeless Place.
When your heart breaks
it oozes misery
and drips down to your stomach
where it knots and twists
but you can only clench your fists
Poetry has taught me how to write to escape the world and problems that seem unbearable. It has taught me to turn them into thoughts and feelings of beauty.
Shedding away their misery,
along a sea of glass.
Do not waste your life away
Hanging around the wrong crowd
For they have nowhere to go
They are obnoxious and loud
The more that you ally yourself with them
Nothing but trouble and turmoil will appear
I once whispered to the moon
Pleading with my eyes that it would answer back
In a swirling haze, the night drew on
No whispers back
And my legs were too weak
To stand, I was too weak
Poetry has taught me that I have a voice.
And that if I want to suffer in silence, that is my choice.
It has taught me that everyone is like a walking puzzle piece.
If we all speak up, we can be complete.
What poetry has taught me is how to be true,
Even though sometimes I haven't a clue.
When I feel upset or mad,
I pick up my pencil and paper pad.
I write down my worries, my future, my fears,
My emotions belong in a cage,
Eventually, slowly, hesitantly plotting a war to wage.
If I ever let them show, let them out, they’ll raise hell,
For the vultures, they ring the dinner bell,
I hesitate.
Replaying your comment in my head.
Say something.
Say anything.
Speak up.
Speak OUT.
But enough though I want to,
I don't say anything.
I don't.
It started slow and subtle this friendship strong
Quiet hellos went two years long
Yet connection was there between the heart
You said some things.
Don’t hide behind a screen
Say what you really mean
Face to face
To the person you seem
Too shy to answer
my shadow is made of paper;
and my smile's made of sin.
i can't get any closer.
to being dead within
Why do we do this stupid little dance?
It's very well coordinated and I know the steps by heart
But you don't seem to understand that with each twist and turn we destroy what we have
It's broken down into simple steps
I still remember…That night…I was only fourThe bright stars shone through the glistening dark seasI hugged my father for the last timeFelt the touch of his hands for the last time
How can a parent not care for their child?
Nothing but pure negligence on their part
Sadly, there was a lack of supervision
Right from the start
A dark scenery on display
With lots of sorrow
Time keeps slipping away
Nothing will ever get done
And you get that melancholy feeling
You won't be able to see that sun
You have fallen behind a great deal
There are areas that need improvement
There I sat in the darkness.
Nothing but the hum of a speaker and
The sound of my stomach choking on its own emptiness
It’s poetic
In a self loathing type of way
I feel my room holds a sadness
The new girl wore sherbert pink capris and
a matching polo shirt (despite hating girly things).
The desks were arranged into a U in the 5th grade class.
Strange plants in tiny pots lined the windowsill.
Whiskey is like liquid death in a bottle.
The man is excided to see the newborn bottle of whiskey in his hands
His addiction is uncontrollable when the bottle is empty
People find that he smells of death itself
Hello my demons
will you let me sleep?
i'm covered in daggers
don't know how to breathe.
i'm weary i'm tired.
and too dead to bleed.
so lonely, so broken.
and i'm ready to leave.
I wish this wasn’t something in my life
But when someone else does it, it becomes my strife.
You crack another can open; I feel it cut into my soul.
I won’t keep the sorrow unspoken; dying must be your goal.
The sunlight echoes across the room
in waves.
We said goodbye; they left down the callow way.
Later, after fizzy breath
and Valentine thoughts,
My lungs stir beneath a black cloak
A bridal veil of ash and smoke
The Wedding From Hell
inside my chest
This is no kissing scars
Flowers don’t grow where you bleed
Things like that don’t happen
At least not when you’re me
Loving you was like;
running all the red lights
Loving you was like being
Rear-ended; going airborne
through the windshield
because a seatbelt didn’t feel mandatory
I used to be afraid.
Afraid to feel
Afraid to cry.
It’s funny though,
I’ve never been afraid to die.
Is there somebody that could save me?
From myself.
From everyone else.
From those that seek to tear me apart.
From my heart that craves to be loved so bad.
I'm not here
I'm not here
I'm so far from
where my path is gonna take me
I'll be smiling
but I don't mean it
I'll be laughing
but I don't feel it
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//
i was your flower.
you watched me grow
and admired my beauty
all while knowing
that you were going to kill me
//
//
i was your flower.
you watched me grow
and admired my beauty
all while knowing
that you were going to kill me
//
Upon the lovely,
of America’s golden plains,
her monuments of past era,
made of steel and glass,
tempered with the fires of hope;
cast cold shadows
over astonishing rage of times.
im over dramatic
im annoying
i dont have any self confidence
i hate my personality
i ignoring my sadness by making jokes about it
i need aprroval of everyone
i wish i liked myself
In a state of grief I was in complete disbelief,
How could someone hurt me so deep?
How did I cope feeling as if there was no hope?
I'm telling you it's no joke.
That song
It’s playing again
Evoking memories
Memories best left untouched
But still, I listen to it
I let it play
Leaking, flowing, splashing
over my fingertips, spilling at my feet
Spirit bleeding
Joy fleeting
fleeing
Cloudy today
The weatherman would say
Of me
Of my mind
Clouded haze
Foggy thoughts
Like wading through the humid day
When
God please write me quickly
i'm running out of time,
my family has no time for me
and i can't say goodbye.
it's not the words that stop me,
nor their meaning make me cry,
The sweet embrace
That gently calms me
Until my dying days
It adores me
A pale skin, lacking color
Has such a beautiful, silver luster
The dreary look in my eyes
Reflects the crying autumn skies
I have a little blade box,
It's hidden by my bed.
It hides all the secrets,
I can't keep in my head.
So if I'm feeling bad,
or want to sink into the dew,
I grab my little blade box,
Quiet is a scream
Louder than a cry
Creeping is silence
Asking us why
Quiet is a shred
Not yet a a thread
He tasted like mangosi couldn't place it until the next daywhen his lips were no longe
Again I lay in bed,
searching for a distraction
to block the dark thoughts stuffed tightly
in the back of my head,
for I am afraid to rest in my own mind.
--Far Away Fallouts (c.p.)
I keep my heart locked up in a box
Guarded by a dextrous black fox
But with a glance from you the fox was slain
My heart thrown into a hurricane
Round and round it tumbled and swept
I remember your singing, my favorite sound
When suddenly my heart started to pound
Something different, something strange
Was the reason for my mind's craze
It was you.
Glassy eyed vixen.
I stare into thy eyes.
Sparkling like a wildfire;
Such feelings I can't deny.
Long black silky hair
Oh I did not dare touch.
But my thoughts are impure;
I am among the unseen
And you are the light that stands before me.
As I close my eyes to sense it,
But it never reaches me.
I am among the unheard
And you are the voice that echoes so faintly.
The sky is so empty,
So gray and cold,
So barren and wasted.
Clouds fill the air
But nothing more.
Scenes of despair and darkness.
Sometimes a bird
Breaks the moment;
This little bottle of chardonnay;
My escape, my stimulation. And you
My every motivation, unending infatuation.
Each glass with every momentous sip
The taste of grapes dance on the edge of my tongue,
Time waits for no one
And I stand still, frozen,
Unable to keep up.
I chase and chase,
Yet the seconds speed up.
Round and round, the seconds speed up.
Minute by minute, the distance widens.
You forsake me for another
And leave me cold and lonely.
You torture me with your eyes,
They greet me yet they ignore me.
You taunt me with your smile,
It sends comfort but mocks me.
When you smile your smile
It takes me away from this reality.
And when I see those eyes,
I'm suspended in a life-like fantasy.
Speak out a fresh breath of air;
Orchestrate a conversation for me
We've been through ups and downs
(The good, the bad, the smiles and frowns),
But I ain't giving up on us.
So believe in me, this is more than lust.
It's you or bust 'cause YOU is a must!
I didn't mean to lead you astray;
I'm weak, as weak as anyone or anything can humanly be.
But the passion that melts me inside is for you.
I lay besides an emptiness that is only meant to be occupied by you,
Even though you tore my heart in two
I'm still in love with you.
And if one day I can love someone else,
I'll have forgiven you
And I've learned to respect myself.
When I finally learn to let this go
Throughout life, there are those too important to let go.
But no matter how hard anyone holds on,
We'll all end up gone;
There's a close to every show.
You were precious in every sense of the word.
who are we now
sometimes i don't feel like we're the same souls
whose eager teeth met by the brick river
on days like this i wonder
what it would be like to be us again-
it feels just like bleeding
like you’re slowly dying
and as you are crying,
hiding, alone at night
you and that fearsome thing,
praying that you could feel something
other than pure, plain sadness
A single seed, unknowingly holding burden
She doesn't know anything
The hate she must determine
She's locked up in a world of imposters
a world full of monsters
This seed which was planted
Life full of
So much work
My greatest love
Has turned beserk
Smother me
My head hurts
Cry in my tea
Tears on my shirt
I could see that pain and hatred in your eyes
The moment she spurned you as childish and unwise.
I know how it feels to be scorned and chastised.
I know how it feels to go against those baptized.
I rejoice in sharing the earth
With someone so lovely as you.
I think of your face and I'm filled with mirth;
My joy and happiness can't be subdued.
But despite this thrum of ecstasy, I carry great trepidation,
You have been held many moments
But in the morning, what's to find?
Face after face, all fading into one.
Growing cold and distant-
Wondering if your heart is still capable, of just coming undone.
The ones that sit alone, in the back, that are quiet
have reasons.
Not many can understand them
You say there is a God,
I ask you where
You say you must believe
And he has a reason
He is hurting me
I am fifteen
Every time I write
I just want to find a way
To tell you the same thing
With words that are new
Every time I write
I hope this time someone will hear me differently
Every time I write
Ode to the Hard Holidays
Whether it’s Christmas
Family coming together
Celebrate the birth of Christ
Gratefulness
Whether it’s Thanksgiving
to you, who loved me without love:
it has been so long.
three years ago
You were everything.
had not
touched me yet
To Life Death,
Lacking sleep, food, and will I am
coaxed into movement by the soft voice of life.
My oft-cited realms of self-persistence
Dear [former] Best Friend,
I hope you've not forgotten memories
of childhood fun and fantasies. Dear heart,
do you remember we were sisters too?
Who once shared hurts, laughter, secrets? It seems
Sometimes at night,
when the second-hand
ticks endlessly, forever
mocking me for my inability
to grasp the embrace of sleep
because I am too busy thinking
about you and the burn
Dear Doubt,
Thanks for clouding my mind.
Making my ambitions blind.
You know how to break me down.
Leaving me breathless and grasping for life.
I had a panic attack because you! You bitch!
3:50 AM
I wish i knew how you really felt.
Are you here because you choose to be here, or because you felt that you had to be?
I wish you knew just how hard i've tried.
3:50 AM
I wish i knew how you really felt.
Are you here because you choose to be here, or because you felt that you had to be?
I wish you knew just how hard i've tried.
Dear Adventurer,
As you reach the Forests,
The greatest challenges await
Tests of your true self
And desire to adhere to the path.
The trees' darkness emanates with pressure
Dear God,
Or
Maybe not so
Dear.
Where are you?
Where have you been?
It feels like I’ve been on “Read”
forever.
Where were you?
Why can't you just be happy?
My brain is hardwired for sadness
You look tired. Are you sleeping?
Sometimes. It's hard to fall asleep
Why is it so hard to fall asleep?
I bottle things up
Hold everything in
I don't know why
Then, I hit the breaking point
I suddenly feel everything
All emotions at once
No one around to see
Is it the best way to be
You told the bird you don't like the way it sits on my wrist.
You don't like how it would permanently stay.
You don't like its meaning.
And to make you happy the bird would have to sacrifice its own life in pain.
Can something that is beautiful be haunting?
Can something that is haunting be kind?
Must we wait through the night
Til dark fades to light
Pain
Something we all endure
Something we all hate
People don’t like pain
Neither on the inside nor out
Pain
im trying my hardest to keep my head up
but ive been pushing through as best i can
no matter how hard i try i cant seem to make friends
it seems as though i'll never be able to communicate
It was your toxic love that made me grow
It was your toxic love that showed me the warmth hidden in winter
And the chills from the summer
It was your toxic love that made my tears break free
And your empty words
You want me to talk about the realness of this - fine
I believe I am so depressed that it should be a disability
I feel like my insides are rotting and turning into
Seventeen.
First job.
A boy named "Percy"
Or so his name tag said.
Months went by.
Text message after text message.
Snapchat after Snapchat.
Dating.
Dating.
Dating.
Fall to the ground,
my falling leaves
and branches that home you.
You were once pretty things
floating above the earth
in your vibrant green.
Yet devils and demons have had their way
Dear Daisy
My dear Daisy dog
I miss you more than words can describe.
I wish I could have been there with you
for the last breath you took.
I know you know it was out of love
and not a betrayal.
Dear Daisy
My dear Daisy dog
I miss you more than words can describe.
I wish I could have been there with you
for the last breath you took.
I know you know it was out of love
and not a betrayal.
Death brings sadness
Obviously
Funerals bring family
Obviously
The body in the casket brings tears
Obviously
I know you're hurt. I know you're broken. I know that you thought the last time that this happened was truly going to be the last time. I want to start off by saying that it's okay. It is okay to not be okay.
Take a look inside my disconsolate mind,And what do you find?Thoughts so evil and dark,They leave an everlasting mark.Are you afraid now?
Dear Rosarian,
Will I find you in the garden
Where you tend the leaves
And mind the breeze
And care for all it's beauty
Rosarian, Rosarian
Have you ever seen beyond the garden
Thy heart shall love with icy flame
Searching, searching
Driving away
Giving hurt and taking pain
Hoping, hoping
For love to play
Dear My High School Peers,
Filled halls... head down
Breathe... breathe
Only four more years
Three more years
Dear Appa,
You’re the one who can see the way words move
and yet to you, those words are not valuable.
Sacred.
But worth nothing.
For me, words are everything.
Some days
the dam breaks.
And the laughter
you've been using as a mask
turns to heaving sobs
And the floodgates
open to the salty tears
And you could begin
to rebuild the wall
P a t h w a y s
By: SeemsPoetic
I can feel it in my heart I'm already slowing dying
In my mind…
Zip Zap Zed
There’s a ghost who follows me
And whispers in my ear. I only
Hear her in the silence. And the
Things she says haunts me dearly.
I learned to live in the noise.
Faythe was killed by my hand
What have I done?
I was expecting the death of Gabriel
The damned Chosen One
Dear Will,
Both to my past self and my inner strength:
Did you dream about becoming the way you are today?
When you were younger and brighter and waiting to open up,
did your goals match my tired eyes?
I’m just a human
I am weak, and I am strong.
Please do not hurt me
I know I am wrong.
The wind howls loudly
No space between, at least not seen,A gleaming gild shines there.A golden scent from air is lent,The heavenly pools in pair.
Teardrop smile,She rolls with grace.Sad.Happy.Angry even.It rolls with grace,Your teardrop smile.
Cowled in darkness, standing there,
A hooded figure ‘stride his mare,
I stand before him silently,
While chilling breath shears through the air.
“Your time has come, my mortal child.”
Pain and Sadness
Joy and Glee,
By these words you may know me,
But is it I you truly know?
Or just the me that I borrow.
Dear Nana,
How are you? How have you been?
I've been trying to be happy but how do I begin?
I remember your last day like the back of my hand
Little did I know time was running out like dripping grains of sand.
I think of all the hardships I’ve endured, and the streets I’ve crossed.
In the end, I still feel lost.
Is fate a thing?
It was when the happiness was abundant in life.
It was when all I needed to be happy were some toys.
It was when the bad people only existed on Superman.
Dear lost lover,
I miss you in the morning.
My coffee doesn’t taste right without the hint of
your laugh
that you used to add to it.
The birds don’t sound as good as they used to without
She ran to the outside and stood in the highest peak,
She looked up at the Sun, who looked like he was going to weep,
His rays, tired they were
On top of a mountain surrounded by snow.Eyes looking everywhere where did you go?My fingers slipped right from your graspedand led me to my life's last. Where did you go?
Blood rushed down his arm
Just like tears rush down her face
There's fire in his eyes
And an overdose in her veins
Lord help these children, they've dot so much more to live for
i sang a song to Sirens
and even they cried for me,
i told them what you promised
and how you chose to leave,
I sang a song to Sirens
as my soul began to bleed
old wounds under new ones
I tried to be strong
But strong is not strong,
And crying is not wrong
If it happened again I would be weak
I would not lie down and take it.
I would cry and weep
and make it impossible
for you
It feels unusual to open your eyes.
In the morning glow, thats blinding.
A slow rate, accelerating like your being reborn, like your entering heavens gates.
When they told meYou had gone away,I didn't thinkThey meant forever. I thought you wereOn vacation,And I was jealousYou didn't bring me. But even now thatI understand whatThey said,I still wish IHad gone too.
People don’t understand that words can be strong and once they are said, they can’t be taken
back despite how many apologies are made.
A beauty it is
To not be able to feel the emptiness
That engulfs me--yes, beauty.
05.28.16 - N.N.
Morning dew trickled off my eyelashes
Like an afterthought of last night’s storm
I fell asleep drowning in my pillowcase
Her Storm screams pain of something most won't understand, It's Storm of sorrow, belligerent pain. Rain is a new phase. Things are washed away and starts anew... untill the next passionate rage.
We are not our brother’s Keeper but that does not make us his Executioner.
What right have we to take other’s lives from them, like a thief in the night?
im sorry Yall probably wont ever see this but this needs said
im sorryI know at times it appears otherwise but i love you all truly i always have
My dear brothers and sisters,
A father’s love is like no other.
He loves you and he respects you
And though you might forget that sometimes,
Dear Sadness,
Thank you.
Without you, I would be flying
And soaring way too close to the sun.
Without you, I would be undone.
Thank you, for grounding me.
Little girl, now don't be sad, I understand your pain,How you feel there's no way out,That you have gone insane. That you're a recluse through and through, No friends here you call home, The conflicting anguish inside you,To fight it all alone. T
dear elizabeth,
how are you? i hope you're doing well
i, however, am ready to raise hell
i'll spare you the details, but i think you should know
that things are really fucked up
and its starting to show
The eyes of the devil are staring at me, waiting for a mistake.
Like a predator, It glares madly to each of the steps I take.
I don't have scars
I've never felt the tension
and the sweet release
a surprise so pure
and innocent
Breaking the surface
raw, primal pain
sharp breaths
Tangy, coppery
From this decrepit window
I see the clouds flash brilliance
Orange and purple and pink,
Colors so foreign to this tiny room,
Colors that make you think
From this sorry window
Dear All,
I am everything and I am nothing.
A creeping shadow in the black, abyss-like corners of life.
To gaze upon my cloaked, physical form,
That of which was comprised from a stereotype and guesswork,
To others that do not understand,
they call you jitters, uneasiness, or maybe worries
but you are so much more than what it may seem.
You are anxiety, misery in its purest form
I always told you the truth
I figured it was common courtesy
But you molded it
Into a monster you used against me.
I watch you
Dear Loneliness,
I remember how you came into my life at the age of nine
When all my friends stood together at the front of the lunch line
You gave birth to me in the month of October
while my father peeked over your shoulder.
You raised me with love and compassion always
and I desire to follow in your ways.
On a cool morning in June of 2004
Dear mother,
You
were naive, and
young, and
not ready for any
of this.
But you wanted this.
You wanted this, unprepared.
Blinded.
I was handed off,
Sadness affects all
Brought by evil in the world
Stopped by not a soul
A feeling dreaded by most
Yet happens way too often
A boy goes missing
The mother weeps for her son
Dear Love,
For someone so nurturing to others
You sure are disloyal to me
Why is it
That you come so
Faithfully.
Nurses,
Should be nice.
Or at least that's what I thought.
They didn't care about me.
Hurt yourself?
Stop crying.
Lonely?
Oh well.
last october
english class
our gaze meets
you smile and turn away
this moment, haunting my thoughts for days on end
I twist everything I've heard you say
making myself believe you like me
Even if I pass away,
The world will be spinning,
Wrapped around the sun,
As dusks falls,
And morning comes.
Dear Sleep,
Thank you for the comfort you bring.
For being my safe place, when my feelings are too much,
when all I want to be is numb,
when the world is too much for me to handle,
when being me is too much.
I had a dream last night, and it got me thinking about you,
You're crying right next to the windowsill, and you say that I don't know how you feel.
I often wonder,
Why are we here,
Are we born just to die,
If so why,
Why is dying the only guarantee in life,
Is there life after death,
All of this begs the question...
Bone crackles
Spirits lift
When the flame drifts
All is lost
No silent tears
No silent fears
When the smoke clears
All is lost
The Earth keeps screaming
The urge is overwhelming,My body and mind wants it so badBut the scars cannot be hiddenIt is an addiction.
I heard a song today and I immediately thought of you. I closed my eyes and I swear I was there again. I'd heard this song for the first time that day. What a beautiful song.
The cacaphony of the tape tearing.
A moment ago it was there,
the next it wasn't.
I floated away.
Craving one last moment.
One last memory.
And the scars from the blade that remain on the wrists of an elderly Mrs. Strange have faded...
She smiles knowingly as if reading my thoughts
The distactions of youth abated...
The eyes alone tell the tale.
I remember that day
I had heard it many times that day,
Someone else had lost time.
Who? I wondered.
As if it was a broken record, frantically reaching for an answer in my mind.
Who could it be?
The monster isn’t under your bed or in your closet anymore
but reidentified as savage thoughts and emotions
monsters, like enemies, fighting an infinite war in your head
I’m from a small town,
lonely and lost,
my dysfunctional family,
with a lost hope in humanity,
growing up with so little,
so little to love,
That single year broke me
Dunked my head underwater,
Took my breath and choked me.
I couldn’t go on any farther.
It was what I’d always asked for
In my little bottle I gather up my rays of sunshine,my rays of happiness and glee.In my little bottle I gather up my friends and family.In my little bottle I stop negativity from entering,
That girl Susie.She came in school today.Those kids pushed her around the hallway.They threw her books into the pond,Out the window,And in the woods.
On this night I'm in fright,
Yet the darkness is at bay,
For the shadows are lifted by moonlight.
Normally hidden by the day,
But now on the move,
I shall follow,
i never believed anyone
who said they'd found their soulmate
i never trusted those
who believed in true love
until
it was me
writing crazy love poems to stay grounded
and
Do not say anything,
Not even a word.
Even if you want me to,
I connot ablige.
Untill you have seen,
My life through my eyes.
You were a fucked up kid, so was I
Because of you
No problem; mom she did everything she could
You should've used a condom
But no; I'm blessed and love the people in my life
You can't screw up that too
My anxiety cripples me
I take it on as a first line of defense
My tongue’s as sharp as a knife,
I’ll cut you with my words until you bleed apologies
I’m the kind of anxious that gets too comfortable
I saw this man alone in the brisk cold;
He wore an eskimo hat to keep warm.
A passing girl praised the hat, and behold-
The man offered it to her, against norm.
You cannot cry for them,
They don’t care.
They don’t,
And it’s that simple.
She excludes you on purpose,
Pushes you away.
You thought she was your friend,
But I guess you thought wrong.
Away I run,
To the land of the free,
Where doors can be opened without sacrificing yourself for keys,
Dirty knees,
My girl back home cannot make money,
Yet she is sold off and people think it's funny,
I can see the dying trees
And the blooming flowers,
The strikes of lightening
And the drizzling rain.
All through my window I can see these things.
I can see the working bees
Emptiness and sorrow,
They all say it will get better tomorrow,
Yet I am stuck in the mistakes of my past,
While everyone around me is moving by fast,
Standstill, standstill,
My body turns into a landfill,
Belac, my Belac, my unknowing Belac. . .
Did you know that the first time I saw you I knew there was something?
The wiff of your hair gel stayed with me
Like smells that are meant to be remembered forever
I know that look
in your eye.
That you want to cry,
that you’re scared to die.
But have no fear, Dear.
Do you know why?
All your troubles will pass by,
I promise you that is no lie.
A Letter to My Mom:
Mom, did you know?
Did you know it was your time?
You couldn't let me know I wouldn't see you when the sun shines?
You couldn't call me to your room and ask me why dishes were in the sink?
To my ex-lover,
You were my first real love,
My first serious relationship.
You taught me how to be in a relationship,
How to love,
How to be compassionate,
How to commit.
My LoveHe was mean, but for an unknown reason Kind and loving all the same He was protective of those near him, but never too much to let them know how he loved them so His walls were strong
Why don't they just shut up?
They don't know a single thing.
They have no clue they are my problem.
I want to stay away from every single one of them.
I don't care if they are "family"
I wish not to be forgotten
Or my seemingly numb heart
Because of the things I’ve said
But did not meant
And my dry voice
Dear old soul,
You can not see it clear,
But you are my biggest fear.
You have hurt me with your lies,
And all your "Oh babe lets compromise"
You have stolen my sanity for your own sake.
Seas vanishing
Waves crashing
Eyes fleeting
Tears dropping
Hands clenching
Throat tightening
Voice rising
You are the one who is truly worthy.
The type of gift that I will always cherish.
You come from a culture that is earthy.
Our mutual love will never perish.
My mind is tough, but my heart was broken.
With the poinciana tree in view, I’d at my window sit,
Starting the day in meditation made the tree a perfect fit.
Yesterday morning, the tree loppers came,
Watching them made me feel almost lame.
Crickets chirping, light off suddenly she's in the dark.Heart pounding, mind racing, just her & her thoughts.Good & bad, the wish I could's, was it me? What did I do?
The world is corrupt with sadness.
As I look into the sky all I see are dark dark clouds.
As I watch sadness take over the world,
I see just a bit of happiness.
That is slowly slowly disappering.
Alone, in a destroyed forest
It stood in the middle
Elegantly composed
Surrounded by burnt trees and flayed shrubs
Buy into the aestheticI wouldn't spare you a dime
I am my own butcher
of my edifice
Not a single truth
nor a single lie
Could slow the ebbs in current
Could stop the rising tide
Because I love you, I keep secrets beside the ones you know.
Like how I’ve already named our three kids and two dogs, because I’d sound like a creep.
Or the nonsensical conversations we have when you talk in your sleep.
The weeping willow
An interesting fellow.
Is she really sad?
Her drooping branches
Can hide contempt and sorrow
Only known to her.
And i never know
If the weeping willow tree
The three simple words ‘I love you’ hold mass amounts of worth
People do crazy things for love
Good and Bad
Healthy and Unhealthy
In the mirror,
I dread
The ancient scar on my knee
The mysterious mark on my cheek
The great size of my thighs
The stubborn crook in my teeth
The several creases on my stomach
somedays i feel like there's nothing to live for
somedays i feel there's no need to move on
sometimes i wonder what's going to happen next
Because I love you, I am patient
Waiting as you ramble about things I don’t care about
I am patient as I wait for you to message me
Recycle my thoughts
Place them in a box
And set them away in the attic.
Take the good ones
And fog 'em with clouds.
Instead bring the cold ones,
Fight the urge.
Stop the urge.
Let pleasure fade,
as regret is made.
Don't let them in,
don't let them know.
This is something you cannot show.
Your fingers ache,
I tried it.
I will try anything once.
I tried to trust you,
believe your promises.
I tried to follow you
even if you were wrong.
I tried to love you,
trust me this time.
Because I Love You
Because you are mine,
because you are yours
You've seen me at my worst,
and held me true
You've seen me real,
I am free
An open book,
Day One:
This morning I woke up crying
I miss you
I couldn’t talk to all the well-wishers
I couldn’t even talk to my mom
I miss you
there is nothing more resilient than a flower
with bright and reverent colors and
soft dew sluggishly moving down the petals
as the sunlight beats down on the delicate
I wish
you took his hand in yours
and I hope
you guide him to your shining light
he is not saved
and he needs to be
because
he is too important to lose
My skin used to be an armor
and as courageous as I seemed
it was all just this facade
that made sleep make me feel like I could be redeemed.
But I was lost
and I wasn't me.
I wear a mask. It’s my smile in the hallway. because while you think I’m flying high, really I'm fading away.
it's late to be thinking about youwe went our separate ways over two years agobut we also said i love you a little over three years agothat's what sticks with methat you left and how you were my first love
You were never there
Nothing but pure neglect
A child was born
A moment that you seem to forget
Nothing but a dark cloud
Bitterness sadly rears its ugly head
Just take accountability
I run from the room, the wing whipping my face and stinging my already red eyes. You never think it will end up wrong, you only feel it when you get there. I sit under the tree, and my stomach is sore from the sprint.
You come home and slowly close the door,
The smile you had on slowly fades away,
You stand there for a while,
Unable to move,
Unable to breathe,
Suddenly you fall back,
The door supports you,
Let me paint you a pictureI’m sitting on the edge of a cliffmy feet are hanging offand my hands are placed on the edgeone on each side.There is a nothing holding me backfrom shoving myself off this cliff
A friend just asked me If I like anybodyAnd that one question Brought back memories of another time when That question ha
We were fine,
My mother had money,
Built a new house,
We lived in a good, thriving neighborhood.
We didn't know what we escaped would slowly creep up on us.
Gunshots echoed across our community
You’re in my mind
You’re in my heart
You’re in my vein
You’re in my blood
You’re everywhere
I never want this to change
But, one day, I know it will
And here’s what I’ll do
Do you want to know what my biggest fear regarding you is?
Do you want to know what I worry about the most when I look at you?
I wish I could stop.
It’s getting too overwhelming.
This uncertainty about where I really stand with you is getting old.
It’s consuming my thoughts and I hate it.
I hate how much I want you to be mine.
You look at old pictures,
Which trigger past memories.
You recall distant friends
Turned unsuspectiny enemies.
You remember a time
When you weren't so pained,
When you could stand alone
I can feel you slipping through my fingers
What we once had was so solid I could grip it.
At times, it was all I could hold on to.
Now - you are falling, falling, falling...
Dripping away.
We used to be inseparable,
But that quickly changed.
When he came along,
By you I became estranged.
Two teenagers stiffly walk on train tracks,
sporting ripped skinny jeans
(and other edgy bullshit).
They stop at a bridge-
the pond below sits frozen.
Snow peppers the ground around it.
Sometimes I'd rather die than continue to be swallowed by this deep, dark, depression of mine
It's like a black hole that won't let go, and I can't escape with an inch of my soul
I remember the anxiety during the drive there
The way the sweat raced from my forehead to my cheek
I remember how that awful place looked like a villain’s secret lair
Darkness strikes
Nothing but a calamity
Anguish, sorrow, and grief sadly appear
What a major catastrophe
Through the hurricanes and earthquakes
Countries are in a state of ravage
I could be just like you
Never happy
Burying myself in the color blue
Everywhere I look it's blue
Except the sky
Which is filled with a thick gray
Or I could be me
Do you ever feel like you don't belong
Because you're not in a group or a click
You lie in your bed at night feeling sick
A healthy relationship.
What is "healthy"?
Saying I love you when you get off the phone?
A good night and good morning text?
A like on instagram?
A tagged picture?
"Why?" you ask when you don't see.
"because," he says before he makes you believe.
I, the word to show who my brain hates.
I dont wanna cry.
I dont wanna lie about what happened in my past anymore.
I dont wanna wake up in the morning and see the same
face that hurts me everyday.
I dont wanna see the sun anymore.
Mine old friend, I wish you my new lover
I long to be with you but cannot speak
Mine passions scream, though my words are quiet
I lay in the bed
My eyes swollen with tears
Completely restless
And drowning in fears.
If you only knew how special you were to me,
you wouldn't treat me like you do.
But you treat me like trash because you don't know
how much I really love you.
You always had a smile
full of knowledge and life
Different from others at school
yet, they treated you like a fool
In the last days of summer
the school days were a bummer
Im not here to lie, so lets have some fun
If I had a fairytale it would involve only one
No, not jesus, moses, or even his son
It'd be a man, yes
But with brown eyes not blue
Something I like to remember when I need to cheer up
Is that I was not a part of the plan
I wasn't thought to be possible
Look at her bright and cheery face,
dotted with tears that intertwine and lace.
Is she happy? Is she sad?
Does the fact you cannot tell make you mad?
A superficial glance at her,
the eyes confuse and obscur.
I can feel that things aren't right.
Mom working late barely making it home through the night.
I can feel that things aren't right
When Sussie leaves the bathroom there is blood on a knife.
Stolen from the sunrise
Whispered by the moonlight
Never remembered but by a
Steady heartache and the
Secret guilty thought
Somewhere faraway
They plead for your sake;
I am my father's daughter
I no longer have the long hair he tied up for me, no space to put the jade pins and flowers
His own sword was held in my hand as I changed my hair, as I changed my identity
i write you a letter, in a clear hand,
to tell you that
i am no longer willing
to be trapped, in your chains, in your walls
in your endless emptiness
that you fill
with the voices
Just for that moment I felt love
I never wanted to leave your arms, for I will never feel it again
Even though your eyes were red
Heart sank from the words I said
I told you them so carelessly
Darkness sadly storms on in
And you find yourself sitting in a trance
All opportunity has passed you by
You wish you would have another chance
But, you have hung around the wrong crowd
I wake up to disaster. I go to be in loneliness. I spend the whole day in depression.
If you love me then say so, but I wont believe you anyways.
When the message is spoken
How many of us really listen?
Awareness is everything
But, we sadly live in a oblivion
We search for truth
And yet, we come up empty
Darkness surrounds us
The two sides are fighting,
no one is sure why,
is it about control?
is it about emotions?
I'm afraid no one knows.
The cycle we are caught up in,
is dangerous
to me
to you
Masks hide the face from everything, with many shapesColors, and ShadesA mask of Purple hides my depressionA mask of Red hides my angerA mask of Pink hides my feeling of love.
i remember
i sat there, in my cold seat along the last row
you were there, a building and a world away
the thought of you suddenly plagued my mind
i knew i just had to write something about you
Once there was a boy named Jack,
Whose family was in a state of lack,
To correct their financial down,
Jack was sent to town,
There he would make good of his vow,
And trade riches for his family' cow,
They drip and slide so quietly They are coldThe tears form a puddle And into it she looksAnd sees her reflection Such sad, dark eyes And the girl whispers Through cracked lips
Do you ever wanna cry but the tears won't come?For the fear, and the shame, and whats been done.Do you ever wanna cry but the tears are drowned?All you left with is an angry frown.
how do you write about silence?
how do you write about sadness?
was the silence broken by crying?
was the sadness broken: did it vanish?
how do you write about defiance?
how do you write about fear?
Face plant off the third floor The blood splatter paints a pretty picture of why he didn't matter And who's sadder the committer or his encouragers Such a shame he had no one around to feel his hurt
She cannot trust you anymore
You have hurt her deeply
Willing to always help
But, you have tortured her completely
Everything is thrown out the window
Fun times have sadly become a memory
You have no love for me!
As the concept of admiration
Seeps through teeth of a mouth at grin.
Just as an angry shade of red
Would color spotted grief
Upon the face of the cruelly
Disfigured.
Why?
Am I like this?
I'm sick of you...
I hate you,
a little.
Not a lot,
but I hate you.
at least a litt.le.
I'm trying,
to figure out what
my eyes won't get any less redand my heart won't get any less deadif you were to buy me everything in the world,or lay me down in bed
It has become so
that tears and water droplets
are too similar.
The last step I took was forwards, then backwards
that's like riding in a Benz and then pushing an Acura
I always tell this sob story, they say don't chase after her
We were kids turning pages,
in a couple year long love story
and it ended pages ripped,
i'm sorry.
My starry eyes didn't last, dear diary,
I kept them waiting, then left them
To write about happiness
is unmarked territory and
I wonder what it's like over there.
I wonder what it's like
to be in love with being alive.
Is it like entertwining my hands
Sadness floats like dust through the air.
I can feel it on my skin.
And sadness like dust can be seen.
You can see it in contrast to the light.
If we had no light,
We would have no beams of dust.
The metallic whisper of the tin roof
Greets me as I enter.
Air full of dust motes,
Wall full of holes.
The lonely call of a blackbird,
in the winter of one’s cracking white bones
holding traces of a shivering soul
small crystals biting into the blue fingered ghost
You used to take my breath away with just a single glance,
Suddenly appearing behind me,
You'd beg me to slow dance.
I was captivated by your confidence,
And eagerness to impress,
My minds demons are brusting to be free,
the neglect of my past keeps fueling in me.
Too many things left unspoken,
too many things left undone,
broken pieces of everything I love.
My bones are swollen.
They swell against their joints.
I know they are not.
I know they can not.
But that's how they feel.
The needless in my feet,
The bars in my mind.
The shift feels like a
Senseless acts of violence
Sadly, took away innocent lives
Nothing but mass confusion
Filled with corruption and strife
Loved ones are grieving in sorrow
Tears are falling down endlessly
I am terrified
I shelter my heart with my hands
I am terrified
to hurt and to hurt another
I am terrified
I am numb
I am... numb
I am terrified
so please, please don't abandon me darling
I am the human embodiment of fear and trepidation.
My body is a reeking cesspool of panic so I lie awake in bed like an earthworm lay on cement and
rot
When the clouds block out the sky
I won't forget
There's still a sun, a sky after rain
I'm still
A little flower, letting go
Of what I think I know
Burn my thoughts, set them ablaze.
You been running through them.
You ran through them all day.
Now that your gone I miss you bad
Iv missed you ever since you went away
I miss that smile on your face.
her foot never fully touched the ground,remaining half afloat in the air--stuck in the clouded mist of her anxious mind,she could not grasp the full weight of reality
I feel so low
I can not comprehend
I may smile now
But I keep my sadness in
I feel like I'm drowning but I can breathe
I wanted your help but you turned away
made it seem like attention's what I really craved
I wanted to smile, to laugh, and to play
but all you really added was a little more pain.
It’s funny how much I’ve changed. I’m 14 years old, sitting in my room, now surrounded by white. White sheets pinned to the walls, white carpet, white dresser. They were blue once, but that has been drained away.
I don't want to take your jobs, or have your money-
I don't want your welfare, property, or clothes.
I don't want to take advantage of your health care or social security-
She sits in her room everyday,
Making plans and hoping.
She sits in her room as the seasons start to change...
Spring to Summer,
Summer to Fall,
Fall to Winter...
On and on,
remember me as being happy. don't look to deep into my depression nowpretend that i was all smiles an joypretend that i am off on a journey, soaring through the clouds
You sit alone and stare at the wall
And darkness is all that you will find
Messing around with narcotics
Is sadly destroying your mind
Just get yourself some help
And take your life back
I cant do this anymore,
Death is knocking upon my door.
I cut deeper and deeper,
I see the eyes of the real Grim Reaper.
I wield my blade like a weapon in defense,
Waves crash
The thunders roll
Thrashing upon my drowning soul
How long must I await
Before it becomes too late
Only he holds the power to save
But does he know of the pain
At 6 I never had a friend
So when someone came up to me and said
“Bare your soul and I'll give you the lint from my pocket,”
I told her, “You can pay me by being a friend.”
He was like the moon, half always hidden
What was it that split him- half darkness, half light?
Crystal blue eyes held dark hidden secrets
I like sitting with the clear, little moon.We understand each other, and don't askAbout pasts, which for us both is a boon.I don't question her craters, or what
A sun, a moon pass above without no scent
The sun has fallen for I have lost count
For how I wonder if your well
To wonder if a sheer streak still lingers
Could tea be my new alcohol?
I would let it fool me that I am warm
I would drink it as it burned down my throat
I would let it take control
Because for awhile, a very short while
The things we realize we won’t ever obtainOh, it kind of hurts at timesSo far away from each other and I have much to sayyour voice is like flowers and it makes
Alone and staring at the wall
Surrounding yourself with darkness
Hanging around the wrong crowd
Has sadly, robbed you of your happiness
If you do not take those steps
And move towards the right direction
She's the type of girl
That everyone would desire
Long hair, beautiful
So many do admire
But what you see on the outside
Really doesn't matter
Cause she's hurting inside
Ready to die
America pledged a sugar coated liberty
To sweeten such bitter remorse.
Yet her heart burned by trepidity
When she hid her wounds with words.
She sang a twisted song,
Her lyrics laced with dread
A creation of our mind runs deep, so overwhelmingly deep at times
Right at the moments you need it to be silent, the screams of sorrow and sadness echo throughout the corridors of the mind
There's something so poetic about watching everything crumble around you
How can destruction be so artistic, so beautiful?
Seeing everything you attempted to build just fall
It's gone in the matter of minutes
a vicious thing
the pain that always comes
from never getting to know
from no real conversation
that went beyond me wondering
March 9, 2017:
We're continuing on this journey of self discovery and fullfilment
We know we're lost, we know we'll probably never truly find ourselves
We spent our teenage years trying to escape our depression
Having a mental ilness is like walking blindfolded in a forest
You can never rest, you feel you can count on no one
Because your brain tells you there is no one
It says: "You don't have any friend but me"
We do our extensive research
But yet, we stil may not come up with the right solution
In a state of bewilderment
With lots of frustration and confusion
We feel incomplete
A friend asked me how to be a writer.I wanted to say,lock yourself in a room,scream until you have a poem and no voice.Open your veins and bleed until you know that your bones
happiness is notat the bottom of a bottleI don't know whyyou continue to search there
who told youto look hereand why did youbelieve them?
A loved one may have passed on
Never forget that she taught you how to be strong
She is still there as a guide
To help you carry on
You were always her precious jewel
She wanted you to give it your all
Bullying seems only to me to be
The single thing that’s keeping me from you, but not you from me
You laugh at me, you push and shove,
I run home crying, to pray to the man above
Ask him to help, in any way he could
There's an intangible outside force that consumes me.
It's dark, fierce, and rugged.
I become enveloped by it, wrapped in its jaws, as I aimlessly fall into its deep, boundless abyss.
You put me on my knees and I sob to God
"Please"
This poem isn't any different than the ones before
It's about how I love you
Something I can never ignore
It's about how you love him, too
Opportunity will pass you on by
As your life sadly slips away
You are just drowning in despair
Filled with darkness everyday
Frustration is mounting
As flames continue to burn
Tired of imaginingTired of actingOh, how I wish that was meCat-fishingIs now existingMirror, mirrorWhat is my birth error?Is it my looks or personality?A shame that I desire plastic surgery
Last year I was at a funeral for my grandmother.
My strong, polish grandmother
Who grew up in Dachau concentration camp.
We all wept,
Me especially,
She may have passed on
Never forget what she meant to you
Forever was she your guiding light
And she never let you out of her sight
Very conscientious at what she did
Because, she always wanted the best for you
Every day was a chore
I never even wished for more
To wish would be to care
To care would be a dream to me
I didn’t have the desire
I am alone.
Or, am I really?
What hides in the shadows?
Is my fear truly gone?
I have flown through many ways,
Speeding the only test I know.
I move wrong, but I can't back-track,
The dark clouds roll in
with the promise of rain.
And I sit here staring out the window
with tear stained cheeks,
alone in an empty room
where the shadows creep.
I await the crying of the sky
There was a wood by my house you and I used to meet at.
We would wait until the warmth of the glowing sun had gone
So that you, my first love,
Could wrap your strong, loving, embracing arms around my delicate, tiny body
She lies,
And she does it so easily,
She hides,
And she does it so sneakily,
She rips apart hearts,
It wasn’t hard for you to sweep me off of my feet,
I took only one sip of you but already felt weak in the knees,
My thoughts and emotions for “us” could not be tamed,
it was winter when we met
and summer when you left
maybe there’s some irony in that,
but i haven’t found it yet.
as soon as our eyes met,
If I died, I’d cry
But if I didn’t, then I’d never be alive
I think I’m sad sometimes
But other times I think that I’m just lying
I like to sing out loud about death
And feeling bad, and never being their yet
Your favorite medium was painting.Your favorite paint, my bloodBecause it came from the very heart beating for you.I always knew you had thorns,I just always assumed that they were for protecting me.
Today, it finally hit me; that moment of realization. I remember the days in my life that were so horrible and low. I remembered the moment, but not the feeling.
2016
was 366 days
of dreaming,
of learning,
of reflecting,
of growing myself
into the person I long to be.
2016
was 366 days
of laughter,
of ideas,
June 21, 2015i remember when the phone rang at the ungodly hour of three in the morningyou started screamingunholy words dripping from your deranged brain filled with thoughts of hatred and sorrow
Broken to Beautiful
This world is
Broken
Sadness
Floats the air like smoke from a cigarette
Depression
Slipping under the guards of yellow tape, that warns "stay away," burying myself into clouds and space. Locked into this haven, reserved only for my soul,
A year full of rain was like my year of pain
Inclement and full of disdain
I felt so forsaken
As i look back I see that all my hope had been taken
Blood drips from those little blue eyes.
Yet no one can see them. They fade away with the fake smile and fake laugh.
Clock is ticking and words repeating. Worthlessness, brokenness, sadness, loneliness.
I can see it.
I can see the light located at the end of the tunnel
I run faster and faster towards it
Praying with each step I'll be one step closer,
closer to being free.
Free from the bullies
Why do men look at love as being a contagious diease
instead of a feeling thats here to fulfill your needs
its mind bottiling to know that some men look
at love as something that will never grow
As i smoke
Love the one you’re with
For you don’t know if today
Will be the closing
Of what you once secured
The belief that love stays true
Measuring your ability to fail
Failing to conquer your fears
Fears that consume you
You are breathless, speechless, lifeless
Lifeless for a lifetime
This is for the optimistic girl that sings . This is for the late night talks and the joy she brings . This for the guy that hides every ounce of pain behind his smile and laughter.This is for the loved ones who passed away way after , the pain
Since birth, I've had her love.
Although I'm one of many, I've had her love.
She carries the heart of an Angel with a bit of spice.
She carries the foundation of the family.
Her prescence gives me joy and security.
Slow and steady
Constantly worried
Asking what am I going to do?
You're gone for a whole another year
How can I move forward without you?
Stuck in a standstill
Not sure where to go
Or even what to do
Up's and down's are all I have,
But flatline is where I want to be.
No feeling, no pain in my life;
No happy or sad just nothing.
I want this low to be gone,
Even if I lose the highs.
Can you hear me now,
As I call through the cloud
The memories of the year that has past?
The memories of joy
The memories of tears
The memories of death
The memories of life
It started with her.
The chemotherapy was abortive and it didn’t repair the damage to her lungs.
It seemed absurd to waste time analyzing, every word I came across,
Cancer. You have probably heard it everywhere. The news, the papers, your neighbours mouth or even in your head. It is associated with fighting. It is not simply a fight. It is a battle.
Up on the hill in Deer Island Park, a sicamore is felled.
no one attends it's funeral, or wears a black veil in it's honour.
a man used to sleep under that tree, a woman took her children there for picnics.
if i could tell you one thing
i would tell you
that i was sorry
really sorry,
aching chest sorry
and i would tell you to love yourself
Heartbreak is the heartbeat moments
Smiles fading into frowns
When happy turns to sad
In remembrance of a memory
The longing to return
my consciousness sputters like a dying engine
the pulsations of my brain slowing, shaking
(muscles too slug-like to function)
beat, rest, beat, rest
she has a universe engraved on her wrist
and stars in her eyes
with her dreams plastered across her figure
she is an infinite expanse
a world unexplored
It's taken me a while
to sit down at this keyboard
So many sunrises
so many nights
My best friend
on fire in a little glass tube
I inhale the fumes
let the feelings go
Windows are closing
Because, you have allowed opportunity to slip away
Time will sadly pass on
There is absolutely no one for you to blame
You are living in a state of poverty
And drowning deeply in sorrow
theres a man in my head
he made his own bed
he puts fear in my brain
and ice in my veins
he pulls me from the people i love most
and pushes me towards ones i hate most
In the cold, dead of winter night,
through the highest maple branches,
on the wind whistling through the air,
rides a song full of tears.
Cries of the innocent,
the guilties fears,
there is no humanity
behind these random acts, that took away your sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, mother and fathers
I am a girl of six
Playing with bones and stones and sticks
Wondering if words will ever stick
Not knowing that in a decade, I’ll be lonely and sick
I am a girl of ten
When he came into my life
Everything changed like never before
I became someone I despised
I dressed differently
I stopped talking to the people around me
I even strayed away from my classes
My mind can't keep calm, all the screaming and beating me, making my mind numb...dumb...less alive. Feeling a mixture of self loathe and happiness in my mind. Taking control of my common sense and free will.
The fight is over.
I’m sinking like a stone before the tide.
The Heroes have gone
The fight is over
But still the beckoned rhythms of your voice call my name.
I just needed a friend
Dark and dim in the closet
No room to breathe
I was suffocating
No one was able to see
A shitty run down turqousie chevy,
with a dented silver door on the left hand side,
crawling from the passengers side to yours,
sitting in the lap of a past lover,
The pain started in his head, bouncing between his ears like a bullet richocheting through a tunnel.
Soon enough the pain slithered down his throat and into his lungs, clinging and growing like a fungus.
I’m in a bad place
No matter how far I run
I cannot escape it
And I cannot live without it
I’m stuck within my head
No matter how alive
My mind is
Emotionally, I am numb
I am nothing
I stare blankly as my whole world
Just falls apart
And I fall apart with it
Please, someone
Hold me together
A car in the pouring rain
It goes under a bridge
Quiet
Peaceful
It comes out from under
And everything hits harder again
You were my bridge
What do I do?
What do I say?
Feelings
They are sharp
Poison-tipped arrows
The bow string is pulled tight
Soon it will release
They will harm
Anything they touch
I am so torn
My body
Being pulled in two directions
By my mind
And heart
Which do I choose?
My choice doesn’t matter
Both sides will keep pulling anyway
Equal in their force
Sadness
S-A-D-N-E-S-S
Such a mundane word
For an all-consuming emotion
One that tears up your heart
Your soul
Your mind
And, at times, your forearms
To be fair,
The most powerful tears
Are those that slip out
Though the tiniest cracks
In one’s happy facade
And slide over one’s soul
Burning
Acidic
Poisonous
They leave scars
You
You make me feel things
After feeling so numb
For so long
Is it any wonder that I
Don’t want to give you up?
He feels the pain,He sees the blood,He hides the scabs and scars;He wants no pity,He is fine,He is fine,The words just repeat in the back of his mind.He doesn't want your sympathy,Just leave him alone,If you can't do that then watch him slowly;He
Ruthlessly pushing through the mob
In want of space to breathe.
Helplessly flailing in the openness
In search of someone to grasp.
Memory of all that was gained
And lost.
I know I can’t compete with the stars.
What there is to see in the stars is endless.
I see the constellations and am reminded of a structure I can’t maintain.
Did you tell them you were ok
Did you laugh it off and shake your head because
nobody wants to look weak.
Did you walk calmly out the door but run
Disappointment after disappointment.
Don't put your trust or hopes in any person, don't place your self-constructed expectations on anyone,
Or else disappointment, sadness, and hopelessness is all you will feel.
They come so often
It is not a surprise anymore
For these visitors are
Now residents
In my eyes
I barely notice them
For me it was gold
But for them its dirt
The way they treat
The way they speak
But whatever it is
I doesnt really fit
They came along
That wasnt too long
Both singing a song
I love you.
My gosh do I love you.
I dream about you.
We lay on the beach,
we eat in fancy restaurants
and I have even visited you overseas.
I've seen you get shot.
On the drive home, I noticed all the children racing around playgrounds,
people walking their dogs,
everyone being able to go about their lives while mine had been completely put on pause.
I'm the lifeless kid,
The one sitting in the corner,
One wrist stained red,
One hand controlling the knife.
But no one cares to ask,
They all sit there to laugh.
Where's the fun in that?
I started it again yesterday,
slicing open my skin with a broken razor blade.
I hid the broken peice of sharpened metal in my makeup compact,
and I cried all day.
How did this come to be?
Like the bird
that forgets to fly,
I am grounded, without purpose.
I shout below, why?
To know again,
She went at 53,
And took a part of me
She probably didn’t know I’d come
But, too bad, life played her like a drum.
You didn't know that when you met me,I was sad.You didn't know when you met me that I didn't know how sad I actually was.You didn't know that when you
Things were fine in the beginning. We sangWe danced, we laughed we played. You told me you only had eyes for me.I thought it to be true. Then you told me That we were not meant to be. And I cried. All alone with my thoughts.
You cannot choose
stuck in between
black and white
a winter day
a long piece
of charcoal
old movies
dusty shirts
pencil lead
staples in
a stapler
elephants
My soul cries,
Enough to drown me.
Leaving me to try and try
To save myself.
But also hoping
That someone else will rescue me.
This thing, is breaking me apart,
But it keeps me breathing,
Even though my heart is bleeding,
It over comes me from the inside out,
Strands of pink, faded dull,
My lips are blue,
The color of skies and sadness.
But nothing can rid me of this hue,
Or save me from the madness.
My hands are numb,
Why must I get upTo face the dayAnd add to the troublesTrying to fade away
In this life I have built,What is there for meI've nothing to cherishBut pain and agony
SilenceAll there ever wasAll there ever isI hope it won't always beSilenceBetween usAgainst usFor usIt's tortureDaysMonthsYears of silence at a timeI can't stand it anymore.
Crying
Without holding back the tears
Has become a habit for me.
Almost everyday,
I either watch something sad
Or think about something that saddens me.
But it always happens in the night,
The foreigner
makes his way
as the snow falls.
His feet,
unaccustomed,
are awkward and crude,
and leave a crooked
muddied
trail
in a vast
and white
field.
When it's dark deep inside, there's no point to hide since he brightens me up like the sun in a gloomy time.
In my heart I’ll remember the spring trees and the taste of fruit early in the morning before the sun rises, high in the sky, and paints the world with color.
Through the silence I hear the screams
A picture of a perfect family lying in a broken frame
A lifetime of happiness
A lifetime of lies
"If possible I never would have married him"
Her big brown eyes stare up at me with gladness, her cuddles and kisses takeaway my sadness. Her favorite thing in life is her toy. Its amazing how furbabies give us such joy.
Lost in the feeling of freedom and joy,
Not believing I could loose it all,
But who would be so ignorant to risk and choose to fall,
I'm silent while I watch them brawl,
Over stupid things like hats or who's tall,
I think maybe I am in love
With The Smiths.
I think maybe that’s a bit of a
Problem.
You see, I think too much.
Every day the sun shines brighter.
Every day the birds sing louder.
But to me, every day is dark and mute
because
every day, I have to live without you.
I think about it quite often,
actually,
how some people can't even afford a coffin,
to bury their loved ones in.
The bark booms,
the trees sway.
His head zooms,
he tries to go away.
He can't move,
but he can't stay.
He's constantly trapped
inside his brain.
She has so many secrets
Beneath those sea blue eyes
So much she's never spoken
So many hidden lies
She wants to show her real self
But in fact she's too afraid
She thinks if she takes off the mask
freckles are
the snowflakes of summer,
the reason i like this season best,
the reason i love you most.
sunny days and a sprinkler
i try to forget you.
i try to remember you.
but i cannot.
i have written you letters,
i have sung you songs,
i have penned a thousand poems,
drunk or sober it was always you
there is a lonely hum in my brain where your name used to be
i will drown myself to silence in
it if i do not get some peace and quiet soon
one hit
a bottle of jack
i cannot breathe
but my bones are laughing.
my lungs struggle to keep up
with my racing thoughts.
Where are you now?
You promised to always be by my side.
You promised to never leave
You said this day will never come
But yet, you had to leave
Why? Why are you gone?
What did I do wrong?
Can they see the sin embedded in the depths of my skin?
Are they able to hear my repentance crying out like a firstborn without stretched wanting hands?
When the world is in its softest sleep, we are awake.
We are roaring down the highway
past city lights and nostalgic meadows.
We roll down the windows, and
a heavy petrichor fills the bitter cold air.
When the sun shines
I want to drink wine
like a fish climbs a current
insurgent, purgent
Flowing unknowingly
Growing unshowedly.
The pines rise and fall
to the grime time
haphazardly
I miss the cloudy days
When the sky was nice and grey,
A sad smile upon my face.
What happened to the rain?
The sky has been to bright,
With the warm sunshine
Glowing upon the smiling faces
As the ocean began to swallow me
I remembered
Our first kiss
The way my parents were proud
How much I loved the outdoors
My first trip to my dream state
The first real friend I ever had
I see
Snow stick to the hard, brittle grass
Twinkling lights reflect off car windows
Little boys and girls playing with their toys
Cookies stacked on a table set for many people
I am water,/Flowing and ebbing and dipping,/Murmuring a silent scream,/My emotions are like a waterfall/rushing, never stable./ I am the earth/Crumbling, shaking, tremoring,/Cold, warm/without voice, without choice,/Alone, and overrun./ I am fire.
A friendship so beautiful,
The world's eyes are forever searching,
But fail to find, rendered sightless by greed.
The hatred tries to bleed into, incompetent.
A home broken like an ocean floor of glass,
I still see the same faces everyday, but something has changed in yours.
Maybe I'm watching too closely for some sign of you missing me.
it’s paper mache and rhymelaughing with people with no sense of timeart is the lives of you and methe people that color history
Kneeling against these creaky doors,Lazily carving incisions,To take back my skin from the pain,Then I decided to spew out,A chalice of apparent relief,And fall into the puddle,Letting the tears benumb the stench,My insides clenched onto the despa
Sad isn’t just a word you know?It’s an acronym for sadness, anxiety and depression.I describe it as a little pesticide, that can crawl into my mind Lay it eggs in other parts of the bodyI won’t eat, deprived from sleepFeel the need to love or have
With heavy feet, I treadForcing myself to my bedI lay on my backBreath in and outAttempting not to focus on what I lack
I am just a traveler in want of a little rest
I had been blending through a city of the oppressed
Dimming me down to the filthy ground
Screaming at me, they surround
Parent or provider?
Do you wake up to a happy home?
Do you enjoy "family time"
Do you even get famly ime?
Misunderstood? yelled at?
“Poet, breathe now.”
Adam Gottlieb’s words soon stuck in my head.
“Louder Than a Bomb” sketched in my notebook.
Poetry.
Enthusiasm from those slammers on stage.
Sadness as my lover
Loneliness as ink, as tears
Paper being the bed I rest my emotion
Side by side with sadness
I'm even happy around it
Cause sadness has been loyal
Bringing out hidden powers
Sadness does not happen quickly
it waits
it lurks in the dark
it's hiding in the shadows of your childhood park
Sadness is not in the present
but in your memories
waiting to pounce
In the same way the moon lights up the sky when the sun is busy or how the grass sways when the wind breaks, ugliness, not beauty, creates poetry.
He used to walk under nothing but a raincloud,
Until she came,
Held his hand,
And showed him the sun.
Liar is what I've become,
To spare the feelings of everyone.
I won't say a word,
And you won't notice.
I'll keep quiet and smile,
And all my lies are worthwhile.
I'm sick of turning to you for help,
The shadow of you lingersAround me.It mimics the feel of Your touch,Your warmth,Your lips. I teases me with memories that are better as memories.
What sweet relief
Found only under
The sweet ministrations
Of razor’s edge,
Noose’s end and
Pill bottle bottom.
The numbness is growing,
Or is it sadness instead,
That will plague me until death.
I feel so alone in this world
Where my darkness descends.
I feel forgotten by my memories
I should be sleeping
But I miss my bed
And someone holding my hand
Wiping away the tears as I try to fall asleep
But instead I'm alone
Lying awake in a home that's not mine
black cat took me abat
black cat you represent so many things
black cat the witch's bae
oh black cat so lucky in japan and united kingdom
but bad luck's boo here in the good old of USA
Crying.
I was up crying for you all night.
I don't know you.
I've never seen your face,
Yet I was crying, crying, crying.
I wanted you there.
I wanted you to hold me.
Of course, it was a date.
I was lying back on the chair,
my nervous heart pumping,
While she sat on the other side of the table
Looking beautiful as ever.
Some dreams are worse than others,
but they're all the same,
a passage to a better life,
it's difficult to explain,
whether by knife or by rope,
either way,
i couldn't cope,
He was getting ready to go to work that hot morning when she called him. He hadn’t expected to hear from her and now that her name was splashed across the screen of his ringing phone, he didn’t know what to think. He was both excited and scared.
Her eyes remain glued to her scruffy shoes,
As she roams aimlessly around the streets of uptown Nairobi.
She wants to keep her eyes veered away from the world,
So nobody can see just how wet they are.
You were a pen
Long, slender, and sleek
A sharp tip aching to cut through ink and paper
I was an inkwell
Dark, mysterious, and opaque
Momma wrote
Years ago a sunlit chapel
First grade was ending
I was leaving
No recollection of the words
Only Momma choked on them
Sad
Tears
Momma never cries
Barren stems more than emptiness -within the confines of lost and broken,resilient as beauty is -Hope that awakens in white flowersto kiss you dreams that you areso welcome to take.
For all my favorite Roses Born into tragedy; she is celebrated, adored, nurtured, envied, blessed - she is beaten, sacrificed, scrutinized, enslaved, damned -
There are a few things you should know,
About me and my life,
And what I've learned to not show.
You don't know what I feel,
I keep it well hidden,
But maybe I shouldn't,
At thirteen I lost my reason to live,
my sister, Virginia, became a stillborn
My heart was torn in not two, but a hundred pieces
A demon was created inside of my head
I was told from others she deserved to die
Maybe it was my realization that placement of words and spaces could literally shake a nation,
Wake a generation, stir a congregation, or transform no way into more ways.
I feel like I died a million deaths
How can you not feel the same?
I would say my tears are just allergies
but really
my heart cannot be tamed
I feel
useless
seeing you with your other
Do you make wishes at 11:11Do you plan from 11:09 When your hope bubbles over andAll of your troubles and desires File into a line where the biggest dream races practicality for a spot in the frontAnd converts to words soon to be evaporated into a
I don't know how or where it happened.
I just knew it was the beginning to an end.
The beginning was full of many unknown surprises.
This day in age, it always seems
The world is bursting at its seams.
Brothers dying,
Mothers crying,
The most bloodshed that heaven's seen.
Rapes and bombings everyday..
She puts on a mask it's smiling today
She puts on long sleeves to cover the pain
She hurries to class invisible to all
Her smile is fake to hide the truth
She bites her lip to hold back tears
There were dolphins on the ceiling,
their grey bodies in greenish waters,
dancing through shadows cast by artificial moonlight
I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know who to talk to anymore
I don't know how to love anymore
I don't know how to live anymore....because you're gone.
You always say you want the truth...
So I'll provide it
But it won't be easy to understand
Because I don't understand it myself.
Sometimes I hate you.
I just really really really hate you.
Way back
Way way back
In the darkest of times
In the dark
In the night
Of my mind
In the screams
In the terror
I found a pen
And paper
Wrote down my feelings
About
Vodka I know you drank blankets the room
A washer so rusted the orange seeps through these weary cracks of cement floors
Smile covered face where I peppered you with kisses you can't feel
Fake smiles, fale people,
All that surrounds me.
Walking past the windows
Gives us a glimpse of what we are missing.
The people outside look joyous.
Free to leave! Free to live!
She came into class and sat next to mewith sad eyesshe was trying to hideso the whole world couldn't seethe tears running down her face.It wasn't my placeto ask her what was wrong or if she was okay
It’s difficult, to say the least,that with dying embers follows,a shift to a sobering cease,leaving thy blushing touches hollowed.
You may be wondering
How your pain goes unnoticed.
Feeling like you're screaming,
And nobody is even looking in your direction.
How is it possible
That nobody hears?
Oh my weary loving king, rest your mind, and see what dreams the night will bring. Put your worried mind at ease, and know our love, no boundaries sees.
It started as a gentle breeze,a whisper in my ear:the weeping of a weeping willow,weeping out of fear.
'Why do you weep, weeping willow?There is no reason to cry.'
Happiness is a newborn child
Written in the softest pastels
Ever stitched by crippled hands.
You try your hardest to hold it,
Not to upset it,
Simply obey and soothe it.
My despondency wraps it's arms around me,
Motherly embrace,
I cannot walk away..
My pathos leading me to beautiful mourning,
Waves of melancholy spreading all over my body..
I cannot walk away.
Consider the fog that settles beneath me The underneaths of the narrow bridges
They trap the mist around my skin The breeze cools me as it feathers throughout the air
Lay with me and drift, drift away, high into a cloud.
Just laying here with a soft song coming out a old stereo.
Saying sweet nothing under the influence only makes me smile.
We never had a real homeBut one day master came along and took us inIt wasn't a kind homeWe were beatenYelled atAnd made to fightWe had to obey every single commandWithout flaw
He whispers to the moon,
Have you really seen it all?
The wars and the terror and the art
Seen the righteous killed and the sadists born
Pain is surreal.
The awareness of what I’ve become is shocking, painful.
As I glance around, bodies twist and keel
Over
my shoulder, I see a brother in arms fall, eyes glassy, yet full.
Of love
A mountain to climb, an emotional high
A divot in our path, and suddenly we crash
Into the ocean, drowning in waves
I lie in bed, pleading for you to stay
A sky to navigate
The Great Unknown
Heavy once again
Sorrow permanently
Permeating
Penetrating
Over and over
The insecurities
Stab like darts
Tears well up
Out of nowhere
Leaking and spilling
Pouring down
In unrelenting sheets
Washing all
In its path
Battle-worn soldiers
Pellets of water
That are cold to the touch
Leaving numb traces
And mingling
With salty tears
Please go away
You've had your chance
I don't want you to stay
I'm in a hazy trance
I know how I am
To be honest
I can be kind
I can be sweet
I can be the greatest friend
Looking into his eyes, cold, empty full of lies. Who was this man standing before me in this disguise? I've seen that look one too many times. I wish I never was a disappointment. But this man gave up on me a long time ago.
Waking up the clock reads half past noon. Looking outside I feel a pang of gloom. I think of the day we got yelled at for not hearing our parents call us more than just a few times. We didn't know. We were too busy playing in the snow.
There’s a silence in her voice, and there’s a storm within her eyes,
She’s been loved and she’s been lost amongst the bruising of her heart.
Have you ever felt the rain?
The pitter-patter, like my fingers on the table we ate lunch at every day during school
The pitter-patter, harder now, like the waves of shutting lockers in the halls we once laughed in
There is this deep, evasive emptinessthat never ceases to lack control.That conquers and escapes,that stirs quiet chaos in my soul.
What happens after I am happy,
I'm energetic and alright.
I'll be happy for a while,
Not tiered at all,
Keeping myself up,
With these ideas of joy and love.
This is my state of mania perhaps,
The blood rushed through him
As she spoke of what had happened to her
He loved her so
Composing a plan of what to do
I am from fond memories made with him
from his smile that never leaves his face
I am from his tears
that form every night
for they cloud his eyes
from the thought of me
I try so hard but I just can't sleep
My soul won't rest so instead I just weep
I feel like I'm being crushed, like gravity is too strong
The only thing I dont feel is that I belong
Stability wasn't a thing I would have known
But it got better as I had grown
I thought it was the reason that I cried
But it's really because of my sadness inside
What am I supposed to do
The Fallen Angel is Dying-- The pain comes in strides
Chained down to Earth, left alone; tortured by her other side
Her wings--they droop to shame, as sound stops and begins
I don't mean to be blunt~like forced traumaor display myself up for you~dioramafor you to get this how I feelthere is no appealwaking up like a wind-upbecause everyday I wind-ipin these same situationspessimistic contemplationsevery day and the d
You and I were like fire and gasoline,
each time we saw each other, you inflamed me
my mind, my soul, my heart was alive
but then the depression hit me and I was just trying to survive.
Why is it
That we must pay
For others mistakes?
Why does this world hurt us,
Make us distrustful?
What happened to the days
When a person could walk down the street,
A girl,
Just a girl
Lives with a broken:
Smile, Heart, Life.
Waiting for a chance,
Just a chance
To prove who she really is.
Tired of tears on her pilliows,
Time pasts and people stay still. You can’t change someone, if their heart is made of steel. That is the truth, And I know it hurts, But don’t push yourself because it never works.
Black Men, Black Men
Why do they bring you so much harm?
With all the brutal beatings and unlawful misconduct while you are unarmed?
Do they not care that you have great potential for life?
The days after you left were like sunken hells in my bedroom.
I painted the walls rich reds and blacks using nothing but my feelings.
Take your space and make it worth it see my face and know you hurt it. I know you never want to see me cry, but I just can't ever tell you goodbye. I came to love you as if it were necessity, and you bring out what is best in me.
Never could I turn to one who knows me as you do
I thought that I could never be myself until I met you.
Endless, restless nights spent awake just holding it in,
Yet you were right there, as though you were kin.
My life is quite strange,
I honestly don’t know why,
I’m sad nowadays,
It’s not like I’m hit,
They don’t starve me or hurt me,
It’s me who hurts me,
I don’t see my worth,
Death is the Greatest Truth
Do tell me why you left?
Each night I stare up at the ceiling and I’m tempted to scream your name,
After all, you did this to me, didn’t you?
When you ask me,
"Are you okay?"
I want to say no,
I want to say that I'm breaking inside,
That I'm a shattered piece of this human being I used to be,
One death for the nobody's pride One death for the times we were sadOne death gotta stay alive.. .I will surviveOne death for the city streets One death for the hip hop beats One death oh I do believe
I wish there was some beautiful poetic way of explaining how i feel.
I wish i could paint my words into a picture.
But i cannot.
Because i do not know how to make the feeling of absolute worthlessness,
Ever since I was a child the world looked so bright
It seemed like all the darkness was pushed away by light
But my young mind couldn't comprehend all the truth
After all I was in the starting of my youth
This a story of life and loveOf reaching for those that have gone aboveOf trying to keep away your madnessThis is the Sonnet of Sadness- - - - -You waited for love with abated breath,
Years have passed, time has flown;
My heart has wandered on its own
Endlessly I sat alone,
Waiting for the day that change would come.
Here I sit, upon my throne
Built inside my failure zone;
You're nothing, but a low life, not even wondering where all the bad went, but she is.
She's nothing, but a low life, loved with all her heart, and still failed to be faithful.
Held on
like a child
clinging to the string
that dangles from the bottom
of a ballon.
You huffed
and puffed,
like the Big Bad Wolf,
trying to blow away
my only happiness.
Why does there have to be sadness in the world?
I guess sadness builds character in people
It makes them stronger
Through hardships, comes good things
the culdesac is quieting.
the sun is readying for bed,
and the streetlights are soon to come on.
most have been called in for dinner,
yet a few stragglers still remain,
in denial of both the ending day,
You started out as a canvas
That my thoughts and dreams flowed freely through
A million dances
The meaning behind the view
I fell in love quite quickly
I wrote for fun
My pen lies thickly
A girl walks up to the gates of a new school, her yellow dress sways in the breeze as her parents call farewell.
The school stands looming above her
Laughter of other children surround her
You don't need my confession
To know that I'm struggling with depression
it follows me everywhere I go
and I wish it wouldn't show
I can bury my face in other things
you woke up from a dream that felt too untrue
because it was a feeling that was too farnew for you
you hopped out of your cherry red bed
and out to do things you had to attend to
How do I fill this void
I have tried distractions and diversions
But I am still a very sad person.
I try not to lose my writing passion
Wailing heard through an amplified tshauv queej,
And constant beat of the drums.
Through the quick bangs,
Arrives the light rum.
For all men to drink,
To feel drunk to the brink.
You were taken from your own home
To get us through this holiday.
I know that must be bothersome,
But accept you are here to stay.
Suffocated in lights of white,
And weighted down with memories.
To be honest, everyone loves me
Just no one seems to say thanks!
At all.
I find it odd that my similar
Counterpart, the bed
Gets the entire households praise
For I do what he does and more!
To be honest, everyone loves me
Just no one seems to say thanks!
At all.
I find it odd that my similar
Counterpart, the bed
Gets the entire households praise
For I do what he does and more!
She's drowning in a sea of shadows
The world fades away
The only thing in her tear streaked eyes
Is his dying face
On the verge you are. to show yourself even though I fight through my willingness
You creep into my mind
And it's like I can't be sane without you.
You kept me high all the time.
Your touch was so intoxicating.
All I want is to have you in my arms again
And hear your voice next to my ear.
The only thing,
that I need in this world,
is me.
My mind,
my thoughts,
my feelings,
my knowledge.
Without it, I am not alive.
I couldn't reminisce about happy days,
All I need is my sanity
With my sanity, I have my peace
And with my peace, I have my mind
And with my mind, I can survive
Because I,
I waver sometimes.
Somebody once said No Man Is An Island,
But I'm on this Island immersed in desolation without you,
baby, i drank a little something
but i still can't get you out of my mind
i drank a little something,
just a little bit of wine.
i drank a little something,
but i still can't find the right frame of mind.
Can I escape the ubiquitous, omnipotent lull of remiss negligence
Can I prove to myself that I should live on
The rope tightens ever so
I
it took me a whileto realize I can missyou. and want to staymiles away. It took me years,actually. to see how abusiveand unhealthy any type of
To you, mom, I think depression is not understanding.
It’s not hearing me when I cry silently at dinner, but instead, reprimanding.
Me? It’s not my fault, see, I hold back my breaths, I keep it in
I look across the silent room
Every chair is overturned
My stuff is strewn around the floor
And everything is still
The phone sits off its hook
Maybe you haven't come to realize that I am worthy of your presence.
I guess you haven't got the message.
Busy creating your best essence.
I might cross you off my check list;
Set sail and settle in.
I remain a silhouette A shadow behind an unrequited love The dweller of the mysterious apartment,Several floors above the cheaters and false loversThis is how they treat the poet
I reminisce of weightlessness:
peering down into 10, 20 feet of air.
My delicate days,
I recall,
as a haze
full of branches:
a careful cloud
of offshoots
that, long as I could,
Nature’s vast wasteland surrounds her nest,
Causing her soul to become anxious for delight,
She must try to survive while being oppressed.
Her internal pain is never at rest,
As I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be lied too,
Fighting to be denied to put my heart inside you,
Fighting to be cheated and be lied too,
Can't you hear me,
give me achance,
hear my screaming,
I'm begging you now.
When did this happen?
It happened so fast,
one night you're winning,
the next one you're smashed.
In the already messed up nature of the world, she couldn’t find a Drop Of life.There was nothing in the pond, Nor on the shelf in her closet. Nothing.She stood alone in silence. Isolated. She never sat, because she had too much to do. Too much to
No hopefulness within,
The silver and the skin,
It kisses like fire,
My veins become drier,
Relief, kiss my forehead,
A break from the torment.
If those walls could talk,
I know what they'd say;
It'd be no comfort to families,
Whose lights've gone away.
For when sky fades to black,
And blues turn to grays,
And gun's life-taking crack,
Watching the movie Inside Out,
I see Sadness
So blue, meek, unable to walk
Who would guess she's the hero?
This tiny emotion with the power
to turn memories into the shades of sky
All I need...
All I need isn't what you need.
All I need is what you have.
All I need is to be someone.
All I need is who you are:
You are funny,
You are beautiful,
You are smart,
Unnerved, I sit perplexed at who I am
wondering who this girl is in the mirror
Who can I be in this world
Who can I lift,
if i can't lift myself out of this funk,
this depression.
I found myself relapsing last night. Again.
Sadness came about and held my throat with both hands,
and when I stopped sputtering and gasping for sweet air,
self-hatred was registered in my heart
We've been best friends since the beginning,But now this is the endI'm saying goodbye to living.
Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore, We are neck deep in denialshouting from our lungs,We are starving head cases.We are two am phone calls to our mothersaying, Mom, I messed up.
It's labored breathing and breaking heartsIt's not know where tostart with goodbyesIt's teardrops and achy chestsIt's losing the only reasonyou had left.It's sick daysand sick leaves
Hide the scars draw a heart on your armtake a pictureadd a filterkiss her scars "stay strong, love"
How are you my dear?
They always ask, don’t they?
Day after day the strangers inquire,
Though not a single one aspires
To actually shun
We’ve been going at it for so long
Why do we keep doing this?
It starting to hurt to see you
I’m feeling unwanted
Why do you do this?
Every time I press sendI feel relievedThat someone is thereWilling to talk toMe.
The girl of my dreams, had I not known she existed;
She hadn't until I met her.
I didn't expect her to appear in my place however her charm persisted
She incurred my attention, not one to defer.
If you see me drown alone
See me standing on my own
In a world of complications
I have intricately sown
If you hear me in the night
Shedding tears over a loss
Caught in regrets
Pain, depressed
A Chaos, a mess
The sheer emptiness
The hurt and distress
It all makes the clicks
Enhance the sensation
Of deep nothingness
A glimpse of apathy,
Red they say stands for love or admiration
Oh darling, my heart must have been bright red the day I saw you
Yellow they say stands for optimism and cheer
It takes time to understand what's important The needs are from what takes us apart. A thought not provoked alone but together A collective of sorts.
I've been robbed.
Robbed of all sources of light-
Robbed of the light of feelings of worthiness
robbed of the lights of dance
and laughter
robbed of the drive to seek out more lights-
How many times
Have you stared at the dark ceiling,
Tears streaming down your cheecks,
And willed yourself to sleep?
How many times
Have you fooled a friend
With a smile
Or laugh?
You are a storm.
Yet you are nothing.
And life is an ocean,
Vast and undiscovered.
It's choppy and crule.
Its swells are too much.
Sadness hits in great waves
rape victims
they are not crazy
abuse victims
they are not crazy
bullying victims
they are not crazy
drug addicts and alcoholics
they are not crazy
people with depression and anxiety
One single word that will be my destroyer
Everything around me, everyone around me is happy
I don’t understand how they can be so filled with joy
In life, all we want is happiness.
We want it to fall into our hands as easily as sand seeps out between our fingers.
Yet, it seems as if we only listen to those who don’t know what will bring us happiness.
Sorrow drop above the sky today
Listen, the whisper cries as they fall by your ears
Splash!
There goes another perfect shapeless teardrop,
You threw me away
but did I waste away?
like your body as it grows older and older
I lived, I ran, I soared
You threw me away
but did I waste away?
I cried, but never mourned
Walking in to my class it seems like a nice day
until my teacher decides she has something to say.
She pulls me aside
and slowly I die.
No matter how hard I try to be good,
The silent air tonight says more
Than anything I've said before.
It’s filled with the words I cannot speak.
Are you too deaf? Is my voice too weak?
My grievances await atonement, but it never arrives
I continue to battle the monsters inside.
These macabre beasts from the infernal grave
Lash out and unleash unbridled rage.
The light of yesterday fell under the horizon,
I look for you among the ruins.
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
I don't think I can do this without,
But I guess I'll have to try,
I did not ask for struggle,
I did not begin it.
But when it is presented,
I intend to win it.
No matter the uphill battle,
No matter the stricken tears.
At the end of every struggle,
Maybe she likes sports
Maybe he likes ballet
Maybe she's a he
Maybe he's a she
Maybe she likes girls
Maybe he likes boys
We must be treated equal
We are humans, not cookie cutter toys
Once upon a time,
In a kingdom far away.
There was a mistreated maiden
And to her dismay they teased bout her shoes and her hair everyday.
I'll let you in on a secret
So tell everyone else
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm just there so you may laugh
I'm the ugly sweater,
I'm here on your behalf
I'm the ugly sweater,
I've always been the same
I'm still the ugly sweater,
Why do I learn?
To someday be wrong
Why do I sing?
Just words and no song
Why do I cry?
I haven't lived long
Why do I struggle?
With no visible end
Why do I smile?
Anger.
Hatred.
Sadness.
Each day,
Driving past your house,
I'd always wonder,
Did you ever think about me?
Did you ever miss me?
'Course not 'cause you was never there
I've got real boy problems and I can't stand it
Try to keep everyone so I demand it
No one ever stays so I stay angry
The best way to attract the same thing
Those who turn up as new are the old faces
I feel torment on it’s rise
Right before it locks it’s gazelle in a cage
I hear it next to my ear telling me lies
It confronts me putting me up in a rage
Telling me I’m not worth the tears coming from their eyes
Ears red, heart black, life blue
It's like I see myself different, because it's my view
Sadness carries you through the skies
I can't find my door out it's like I have these unwanted ties
Some say that pain is something that feels forever
but is only there well never
and depression
we decide we will make our obsession
I have sent you a dove,
It carries to you a note,
Telling you of my love.
I want to tell you of above,
The skies giving our planet a coat.
I'm not gonna lie it burns for me to say this
faster than our love apparently you thought we should quit
said you couldn't love me before you love yourself
I know I said I thought you were the moon
but right now you are shining
as the sun
I cannot sleep because you are there
My eyes closed you still burn through
The lids and layers of my skin crawling fears
He arrives at his living hell,School.Tortured and taunted by bullies,Like buzzards skipping and flapping around.One bully, the Dark One’s true name.The rotten bastard and his posse,
You are on my back, stillPulling ever tighter on this necklace
(This necklace you gave to me)
Pulling ever tighter on this necklacePulling tighter until I bleed
(I am used to the blood)
Do you think about me the way I think about you?
I often wonder wat you are up to
Does your heart ache when you remember my face?
Without you I can no longer find my happy place
In my head I reside
Where there is one thing to hide
My true feelings and my fears
Memories that bring only tears
In my head there are shadows where the evil lives
A place where there is no remorse to give
OH My Lord my Lord don’t cry
My brothers and sisters do not know any better
My Lord of Lords sheds tears, cascading down unto earth.
My Lord, your tears are like the oil that fills my cup of truth
Awake...Another dream to bring me back to this cold, lonely existence
Alone...Left to suffer in silence as no one will hear my cries
Awake on such a night as this to ponder why...
Have you ever lied to a lover?
Just to convince yourself
That you would never look at another
Especially one who may look a little like yourself
Have you ever cried about a lover?
If tears are comparable to the sky raining
And supposedly the rainbow comes after the storm
What happens with a sadness not waning?
Does such beauty still appear to a heart so torn?
He stole my heart
But they stole him
Off to war, he fought
And our future looked dim
Before he left he pulled me in
He whispered “I love you”
And my pain begin
I could barely mumble, “I love you too”
You're sitting there across the room yet it feels like..
your a hundred miles away…
I gaze at you and the way your eyes shine
your smile shines brightly and kind
What point is there in life when it's full of sadness and pain?
Can people truly be happy and forget the pain that others seem to be in?
IncomparableMysticalMagical It is so UnattainableEnlightening DeluxeIn every way Keeping the actions of the brokenAt bayIt is like walking into an open field
Laughter fills the room
but a place empty
No flowers were to bloom
Just a late night memory
They come and they go
He flutter into aboveboard and deliberation,
God this is all there is
The photos in his accept emerged
What's more, activate to apart
And every one of the all-powerful beings in every one of the universes
Okay, that's enough of that
I think that my mind has finally had enough
of you
I'm so very done with your shit
(Pardon my language)
In truth, I'm not even sure if It's your shit I'm done with
You're crying again...
tears comin' down your face
You're sobbing, almost in tears, all in tears,
depressing, or anger
hitting your fists against the wall
tellin' yourself it won't happen again,
I have been looking and searching for someone
Life just seems like it doesnt want to show me that special someone
I ask but i get no reply
I help but get no thank you
I ask myself is it you?
You were once so beautiful,
We were once so close
But this is not who i once loved
And is instead a tortured ghost
Just a shell that's been cracked
And on the verge of perish
When I use words to explain my depression, I use those of others.
I claim to be a writer and yet I become so certain that what I have is too little.
I want to tell you I will do anything to keep what we have together,
That I will try to follow through and give my effort to do better.
There are stories all over the world
To be approximate about 7 billion
These stories come in all shapes and genres
Some short
Others long
Some adventurous
Others sad and moving
and I walked outside and nearly broke my neck
trying to watch the stars because
that’s where I came from they tell me
but if the galaxies are in my bones
You be provoking this angerwhen I simply wanna smile,I know you believe that the whole world is against usand there is no justice, but maybe it’s just usI don’t know what has gotten into me
Now, Joy was filled all over,
And sadness is seen in some;
Though joyous they would be, they seem sad
But sweetness flowed on others minds.
Sadness was filled, by the day’s end
As I look at you
You look at me
We say nothing
We stand there quietly
Like strangers that meet on a busy street
As a thousand days pass by
We still don’t speak
I lifted my gaze from the agony and the sorrow my sight filled me with
I felt as if life had no meaning anymore
I was destroyed
I was a soulless guy sitting down on a chair
I had eaten my last taco...
When I gaze in the mirror,
I cringe and turn away.
Must I look the way I do
Every single day?
I yell too often, speak too loud,
It claims the silence
Strangles the hope, full of hollow eyes and
Haunted souls and shudders of chilling rains.
The trap is taut.
I trip.
One
The first is always the hardest. You have to push yourself into it. Cutting into innocence, cutting into your soul. At first it stings but soon it subsides and you crave the lingering feeling of control.
So cryptic
No one can understand
Often in a state of bewilderment
About every method or plan
As time goes on
The situation remains unclear
Confusion and frustration continues to mount
Cold.My hands clenched, gently,hoping that yours were still holding mine.But I knew you were gone once my own fingertipsp
I am the essence of hopelessness.
The girl labeled with a disorder I knew nothing about,
In only fifth grade, taking two different drugs.
But no one ever told me why.
I haven’t written in a while, and maybe that’s because my stomach turns when I think about writing.
See every time I pick up a pen with the thought of pouring out my feelings, my brain turns to you.
The flowerA flower sits up on it's stem over looking the ocean an sunIt opens up only a few times a year for it dark for most of the timeAs the sun stars to dim it closes it peddles lowers it head to sleep
The flowerA flower sits up on it's stem over looking the ocean an sunIt opens up only a few times a year for it dark for most of the timeAs the sun stars to dim it closes it peddles lowers it head to sleep
True loveThere's a man who woke up one dayHe found a letter where his true love once laidit's been 2 years since she walked offto where, he has no thoughthe keeps the letter in his hand
Baby come home
In bed i wait for darling to come home
Wondering if he is alright or alone
I stare at the cling with tears in my eyes
Wondering if i could make alone another night
We as a nation
Seem bitter and lost
Nothing but mass confusion
Along with lots of frustration
Many people sadly perish
So suddenly
Tragic situations occur
Very unexpectedly
SIXTH SYMPHONY
Beethoven
is a liar.
He would have
you believe that
he wants you;
but behind your
back, he is
glad to see you go.
Happiness
My mind mulls over the past and asks
what counts? What crossed the line?
The car ride to the movies?
I feel exhaustion.
I feel broken
I feel lost and im still hoping
That I can get out of this whole Im in
Filling to the brim with water within
Im trapped
Im crying out and no one can see
The world is dark.
The world is cruel
The world is careless
The world is bleak
Those very thoughts cross my mind daily.
A lady came up to me today,
She had lost both breasts
With soul in her eyes she spoke of a savior.
Naive promises of saccharine salvation and loving embraces
Coated her tongue.
"It’s too good to be true"
Growing up sucks in this world
Having pressures to be perfect
You try to get away from it
Clear your mind and run away
But you still have that voice
The one in the back of your head
I know it will never be true
Because although they say,
"I will always love you"
Deep down inside
All I hear are the lies
Telling me everyday,
"You will never be good enough
If I could talk to you one last time
I'd ask, "Was it really worth it?
Were the drugs really worth your life?
I don't love you
Thank God I don't love you
You didn't break my heart
But you did break something inside me
How could you do this to me?
You said you liked me
You said I didn't need to be nervous
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
My heart was consumed by lust
My heart ate up by desire
My heart burned upon a pyre
Love is lost, kindness gone
Do you truly understand grief?
It is what makes you set an empty chair beside you on dark nights, memories of a passed loved one.
Grief
I am unloved and unwanted
I wonder if I will ever be accepted
I hear the voices in my head
I see them laughing at me
I want to be accepted
I am unloved and unwanted
I don't want to die
I do not want to die
I have tears in my eyes as snot runs a river.
There is pain in my chest and in my gut.
I don't like pain so I don't want to bleed.
Captured
Fearful bird
Tremor overrides
Prisoner my body
Heart died from fright
Captured this poor soul
Freedom lost
Happiness dead
Broken soul
There’s a place downtown
That we used to go
We'd stay up all night
Laughing at our own jokes
Having picnics and campfires
On top of the world
At least that’s what it felt like
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I scream
I'm sorry I threaten
I'm sorry it's easier for me to lie and say "I hate you"
Sinking in this ocean of desolation.
An eternity of sadness.
Drowing in the waves of depression.
I see blue.
What can I do?
Cry for help?
A sorrowful Yelp?
I'm sinking deeper.
Broke my arm
after he stomped on me,
then I went home
And was called a freak.
I faked a smile
Around my friends.
Then cried alone
waiting for it all to end.
There is no disappointment that hurts quite as badly as having absolutely no way of explaining what you'r
I'm like a pebble
I've never been anything more than something as common as that
However,
it's that very average,
common pebble
that the not-so-average
shoe kicks around.
Rage against the dying world,
Rage against the light,
Rage against the sorrows that bar my heart from flight.
The morning left me winded,
The evening left me bare,
Just beyond the horizon, I say. Just beyond the horizon,
And then, I will reach you,
And then, I will be able to hug you again,
And then, I will finally be able to breathe again,
We absent mindedly wonderThrough our sad livesAll being dragged underHoping we're the one swho survives
You're tired so very tired
Please don't stop me, my love, let me lie down and kiss the ground,
let me taste the taste of freedom on my tongue and remember my
This poem is a conversation between two people. The colors represent the person in the relationship who is speaking:
One night the storm came back to claim me as its own
So here is a story about how I became oblivious to addiction
with a substance I've been told was something God had gifted
and a gift it was for a while at least
no sense of pain and time's existance just ceased
It's like the taste of bitter coffee in the morning.
Like a gaping hole in one's chest & a constant gnawing of bones & the drinking and drainage of blood.
If you come across a lonely girl
With words as fine and frail as grains of sand,
Tell her that most oysters lack a pearl,
But do take into yours her tender hand.
Still, breathing, not a soundInert in my bed, lying paralyzed.You shook me, crying "wake up, wake up!"
Dark. Damp. Dreary.
The world feel so cold.
Birds sing and light shines,
yet I sit here, lost in my mind.
My mood is steady
and does not falter.
Dwelling in Dark, Damp, Emptiness.
Sometimes I think,
we are just on the brink
of discovery.
Friends and faces
screaming names
wispered silences
broken frames.
Crying tears, and laughing faces
The beginning of a story is
always slow.
But soon enough everything becomes routine and
you forget
how that lull felt.
You forget how it felt to be innocent
and unaltered by
the world.
I look upon the moving crowd
Slowly sighing, looking down
Hurting, fallen, angry, shy
Now I cannot just seem to fly
I hear the Rumors in the halls
Now I get unwanted calls
I am the rock.
I keep you centered,
With your feet on the ground.
I make you feel better,
Even when I can’t make myself feel the same.
because that's what you do
to the people you love–
you crush them between your clammy hands that you never let me hold,
you wiggle your fingers to sift through those pulverized remains so that only the big pieces are left
Your emerald eyes at first set me ablaze,
Your beauty was so delicately sweet.
But I forgot the game the Devil plays
And now I’m but an ember in my heat.
Not viper sending poison through the veins
The way the words flow from your lips,
almost as if you remembered our kiss.
Those long nights flew by,
The dim light casts shadows across the room,
softening the sad features her face held,
The weight of denial sits on my shoulders,
adding pounds to an already crumbling structure,
You can never forget the way it burns,
the way your chest feels like its on fire,
your heart consumed by sorrowful flames.
The tight grip of insanity spreads through my mind,
stealing everything that once kept me living.
Dreams are just DreamsUntil you make them soarA Wish is just a WishUntil you fight to make it happen
My heart is empty
The lies they tempt me
Make me believe
It’s just what I need
So I tell myself maybe it’ll work
Stand up and fight,
Shy little girl,
Meek as a rabbit –
Taunted, tortured, and tormented
By their words.
Stand up and fight,
Glass doll,
Pile of shattered shards with
Forlornness does not—come with Ease—
So many sad—Faces,
I could not come to Terms with Death;
Therefore, I felt Nothing.
My honest Lack—of Emotion—
Made me feel more—Detached.
As I sit alone on the brink of death
My mind wanders to a gentler time.
A time when the wind didn't bite
And sun it set- never died.
I remember the first kisses,
the many, many kisses
I sit here alone.Sadder than my mind allows.Alone... With someone who hates me.That I can never seem to get rid of.Abused... By my own thoughts.That fold me into olbivion.
i do not have scars,
nor am I scarred
or marked by such
i am the scar
the tree's root
a tissue formed in
passed over scenes
the wound's product
Once there was a heart
that fell in love with a brain
Together they made art
but the brain would sometimes strain
Happiness—that which one can neither hold nor keep
It comes and goes, it ebbs and flows
And no one really knows
If they can make that leap
Into the deep unknown
Poetry of a writer
He's certainly not a fighter
He has his words he rhymes
All the time
He can't exist anywhere
If his lady doesn't play fair
All they do is stare
Into a far out space
Purple orchid rolling fibres,
coalescing in the first light of the day,
against the hellish blazing eye,
Another angel, capable of unimaginable things.
Demons, screaming in her mind.
Another angel, wants to die.
Demons, swarm her heart.
A young man, holds her close.
His voice, tells her of her magnificence,
Why do you need an alarm clock when you never arrive at time?
If you ask me, it's futile; just dont show up
But be weary of the consequences that com with such ideals
Got to look up and put on the usual poker face
You got me reeling, spewing anger, frustration, feeling!
Fueling my insecurity, can't you see you are killing me!
remember when you told me about the monsters?
how they take over,
& get inside your head,
& they stay-
for a really long time.
they're only gone every once in a while,
its been so long and im still not over it
we were closer to each other than i ever thought i could get to someone
it breaks my heart when i see things that remind me of you
but thats everything
everywhere
I can't breathe anymore.
I'm drowning.
How did I end up here?
I am just failing,
my inner self is cracking.
Nothing is important anymore:
my hopes
my dreams
nothing.
She is recollections of my past life,
And she lurks in the walls of my terrified mind.
I've been hearing mesmeric whispers from every direction,
Even though she is nowhere in sight.
The cold and the confusion.
The overlooked and the overdoses.
The solemn and the silence.
The fatigued and the forgotten.
This is the only world I know.
Every memory fading,
One by one.
Every bridge burning,
One by one.
I took every breath,
One by one.
I will never be free from this hate.
Devastated and destroyed,
I can feel my existence crumbling.
The tension in my body, the strain in my mind,
The cold in my eyes, and the black in my heart.
Everything is deteriorating.
I have always lived with strangers in my home.
The agony of not having a true family is greatly disturbing.
You see, demons terrorize my household.
I am the fake smile on my face.
I am the loud girl in the class.
I am the wall between my parents lies
I am the fake smile on my face.
I am the sun that shines everyday for everyone else.
In my universe,
My whole life is a curse,
A curse I must live.
In my universe,
My mind is very fragile,
My chin must face up.
In my universe,
All I ever feel is pain.
And I have grown numb.
I look at people and see,
see the truth and power they carry.
I want that within me,
why can't this be?
Words cause pain,
you may not know it,
but I look at my eyes and all I see is rain,
I remember when you told me "please always be happy" and I said " I will be as long as you stay." Look at us now, we walk past each other like we never even met, l
Dear Love
I hope this note reaches you well.
Maybe sometime after noon?
So you will remember
To look for me
No one listen,
No one hear,
No one look ,in case you disappear.
No one pray for,
No one to cry,
No one to wait for with hopes kept high.
No one to miss,
No one to kiss,
Her fingers tremble with the unsaid words that urge to ink the blank page.
From the green depths of her eyes lay sadness and tinges of regret.
Across her arms are slashes made by herself.
Myself defined;
distracted by other peoples definition of happiness
while living a life defined by other people
I was
written, erased, re-wrote, RE-DEFINED
by all these foriegn concepts, thoughts, ideas
I sit and think,
Unaware of my surroundings,
And could not speak.
For I could not believe,
What I already know to be true.
A life too soon ended,
So many left behind.
Seventeen years suspended,
Too early to resign.
A father, a son,
A friend to many.
If such a thing could be undone,
We'd spend a pretty penny.
I am a wave
Part of the ocean
Floating high, floating low
And sinking
When I crash
My highs are
So high
I give God
A high-five
My lows are
So low
I'm not even in existence
I may say that I'm bold
Or that my spine is made of steel
But deep inside
A pit so big
It makes the world so unreal
The rot that I feel
From the smallest jab
There's a burning in my chest
And I can't tell whether my heart is on fire, set alight by the rush of energy transferred when he placed his hand on mine for the last time
Like the sidewalk flower,
We develop from difficulties.
Struggling through cement,
We learn our lessons.
Like the sidewalk flower,
We overcome our obstacles.
Battling through bricks,
Blank.
Nothing.
Just fine.
Peachy keen.
Him.
Him.
His face.
His eyes.
His cheeks.
His mouth.
His smile.
His laugh.
His perfect teeth.
I am just that one used for fun. Never serious. Just a game. I am not the most wanted player. I am wanted when others get bored. When they need a good laugh. They think I don’t feel.
Even among the noise that fills the room, the silence haunts my soul. Lost in the crowd, an identity becomes blurred and hazy. The tears don't shed themselves anymore, they too are trapped inside.
The sadness and sorrows we all live through
We wish our wish would not be a lie
But for it to become alive
Being mature doesnt relate to age
A young man can only handle so much
Cutting yourself to let out all that rage
That depressing feeling when the blade touch
I've been searching for hours,
to find a reason why.
It's 2 A.M.
and I'm running circles in my mind.
I whisper prayers
that go unheard.
I wonder when
my thoughts will turn.
To happy days
I saw the way they looked at me those eyes. They could tear me down and bring me back up and those eyes have done that plenty.
I met her on a Thursday.I talked with her on a Thursday.I bought her a coffee and gave her my number and fell for her on a Thursday.
Indigo is a darkness, insurmountable. Indigo is trying to love what you loved not a month ago, but the feeling isn't there. Indigo is trying to summon the will to care, but you can't.
I had no warning
When I first met you
My mind would be centered
Around something new
You seemed to approach me
As a different friend
Now closer than ever
I don't want it to end
Buh boom, Buh boom.
Faster and faster her heart began to beat.
Heavy bag under her eyes, the results of no sleep.
Things are bad again
The days are saddening
She sees the happiness she wants to portray.
i still find your hairs on my pillow and i stillthink of you when i open the doori still manage to worry if i've left any papers on my floori still sneeze as much as i didwhen you were around
So, we sit
We wait
What now?
The smooth, seductive sound
Of the blues swim around us
The intoxicating moods that shift all around
I look at you
You look at me
Cursed lips that say my name
That first kiss I'd hate to claim
Evil disguised as a beautiful girl
My heart was blinded from another world
To say my name you have to know it first
Flickering lights
Sleepless nights
I wonder
When will my home be in sight?
I travel alone
Like a dog to a bone
I search
But never once glance for a phone
What am I looking for?
Sometimes I feel like a failure
A washed up piece of nothing
all too aware of how inconsequential I am in this lifetime
Sometimes I want to give up
I want to run away
The tears are always present
But not always do they flow
The flood gates are weakening
The walls are beginning to bow.
Crying, screaming, with a runny nose until your voice is hoarse,
suffocating slowly from all the noise even though there isn't any force,
I held on so tight to someone that the person was my breath without then I was outta breath and with them I felt as if I could live fo
The girl that can’t love because of you
Once so young and naive I allowed you to blind me of my perspective of love,
A love so beautiful,
A love worth value that spoke volumes.
If you wish whilst in a dream, it may very well come true
It never ceases to amaze me that all my dreams are you
Thinking of you is never hard, you never leave my mind
There is a sad girl that lives within me
And I try so hard to wash her from these veins
But the water is never hot enough
And the suds are nothing
Compared to the melancholy tilt of her smile
Oh sweet, sweet depression.
How are you doing my dear?
You're pulling me down so far,
Down so far I can't hear.
Oh sweet, sweet depression.
My arms become hungry,
As my makeup smears.
At fourteen life is confusing
A rushing river of emotions we dont understand
Alyson, you'll be okay.
At fourteen life is hard
Especially when you think you're in love.
In your eyes, their alone, out the light that guides you steps. Bier by what u see. Nothing more. In your red and fresh mouth kiss, and my thirst is not quenched, that every kiss would, drink whole your soul.
Imagine swimming in a sea of broken glass,every word spoken cuts like a
blade across your skin.
This is the scripture
Of the fallen souls,
Locked away in the chaotic darkness.
This is the story of
Wayward and Vagrant bodies,
Dangling of a cliff,
Fifty feet in the air
Holding on to your rope-
You can’t make me let go
Black is the colorOf the mothThat lays peacefullyOn my window sealNever making a sound Black is the colorOf the ravenFlying highIn the clear dark skyBut still a mystery in our eyes
A hundred thin knives piercing my chest again and again
Waiting for me to give up.
Exsanguinating my heart.
Enjoying the sound of their glory by my screams,
That are buried six feet underground.
Angels turn into Devils
When the light surrenders,...
Mama once told me
“You’ll never find love
If you can’t love yourself.”
Maybe try to look like you care.”
She left me in the bathroom
Crying while I brushed my hair out.
Mama said to me,
I think I started my new life
As an anorexic angel.
I woke up to my chapped pink lips
Breathing snow that looked like ash
The pain and embarrassment he caused makes me tear up each time I see him; if I was to look him in the eyes, I would cry.
A mirror stands before me
Whispers of hate and laughter surround me
They point out the outside flaws
So I put on a mask to hide the hurt and the pain
She sings a song so soft and sweet
But it's filled with such sadness
It makes you want to cry
This song lets you feel her pain
And you want to scream
How can this be fair you wonder
Eyes closed
breath heavy
the feel of your body over mine
my hands on your body
your curves so defined
I place a kiss upon your neck & whisper in your ear
My old high school is haunted
That what everyone says
Not to me that would be absurd
Still, it's what I've heard
I wander through these halls alone for now
a pale kid known for his hand-me-downs.
Who am I without any of those filters or fake edits?
Well I am me
I am someone who is naturally beautiful
yet goofy all by my personal line of credit
I am someone with flaws just like anyone else
My life is kind of hectic
Like a completed checklist
When I look back on my life I see that I have dropped some fine dimes
I was born into this world by parents and adopted by you
You didn’t have to adopt me, but you wanted to keep me
I wanted to be your pet, love and devoted to you it’s true
When you commit suicide you kill yourself
Others then die inside and are robbed of wealth
You are valuable to others more than you know
Suicide just let’s all your weaknesses show
I've been cursed to spend my life fighting.
Darkness and war follows me everywhere I go.
Fire and venom are in my veins.
Sometimes I say
"Look away, please, this won't be pretty"
'Cause it won't
Sometimes I linger
Past when I ought
Something in me says
"Third man down"
And I don't cry
My tears are wings
I told him one thing
That's all
"Help me believe in something
I wanna believe in you"
We were one
I suppose
We were a pair of broken wings
When I went one way
He fell down dead
I don't really feel like writing today.
I'd rather be naked on the ground,
head-to-toe exposed,
so I could really think
and hear the pines rustle.
I would bury my sadness in a funeral mound
Buckets of rain poured down from the sky,
as though the angels wept, mourning what was to come.
I found myself lurking outside at school,shrouded in a black hoodie
I just smile
I'll never let you get close to me
Because I'm broken
Mentally and physically
But I just smile
Knowing that no one cared
If i was here
there
Even is i disappeared
The words unspoken are louder than those
yelled across the room.
I must escape
the voices
they're closing in
taking me as their prisoner.
Retreat behind the yellow door
close it and keep it there
You left a residue of memories
That I cannot clean
I left upon dawn
Hoping to be unseen
Tempted to speak
Distant murmurs
Suffocate the sound
Of all that used to be
A wall, a wall with a hole so deep, so dark, the depths could never be known.
A road, a road never traveled, nor will it ever be.
An animal, lonessome and mateless, never to find his own.
It's been Three Hundred Thousand minutes.
Long enough to seem like an eternity, although it has really only been Seven Months.
What I show you is,
Not who I want to be,
But what you want to see.
I aim to please,
Society.
They say to me,
"Be a tall, thin,
Long haired, white teeth,
Light-skinned beauty,
What I show you is,
Not who I want to be,
But what you want to see.
I aim to please,
Society.
They say to me,
"Be a tall, thin,
Long haired, white teeth,
Light-skinned beauty,
Lately, I haven't been able to get you out of my head.
Your name overflows my mind continuously throughout the day.
It'd be nice to have someone always by your side,
Through the good, the bad, the love, the cries,
It'd be nice to never feel lonely,
To have someone to make you like you're their only,
Rain drops fall
A heart beat stops
A girl dies
A call to the cops
A boy cries
A family gathers to morn
A stab in the heart from the blade you called love
You said sweet things to my face then turn around and switched up
Whats real & whats fake? In this time I couldn't tell
I became the shelter, a safe haven, a building of four cement walls and a celling.
Study enough to survive the storms, and the battles outside of my doors.
She's the girl thats not ment to love
To never recieve it on earth, only up above
She tries to smile & act so very tough
In the back of her mind is the reminder that she'll never be good enough
Days are tough
I put on a happy face
Mask the pain
No one knows
The real you beside few
I feel lost
Tears fall down
People always ask, "why be sad?"
"Just be happy"
Tingling sensations oing through my ear
and your distinctive lips draws me near.
Vibrations going through me bed.
Is this love or lust instead?
Wake up early in the morning and i'll be here
straight lines brings back a flash back in time
from sitting in the kitchen mama making sweet apple pies.
Her lover made her heart race more ways than any other.
Down every street,
On every wall,
In every room,
Are windows, mirriors, puddles, and reflection.
I march right by without a look but, sometimes I cant...
Sometimes it pulls me,
Calls to me,
Vast and continuos , far and wild
My love for you, I cannot hide
I long for the sea, rough or calm
I'll sail you from the dusk 'till dawn
My heart for you, shall always keep
For sea, you are so full of life
With you, I finally felt loved. Your lips were softer than butter, kisses so soft, sweeter than the sweetest honey.
i know your tired of the constant texts,the constant ventin
i know for a fact its an obsession/
I’m just tired, i need some sleep,
i tried coutin sheep/, i tried xanex
find your own bliss.I found it inlovesickness.found it in lyingawake in bed,closing eyes tightto imagineyour headresting softly next to mine
This sadness.
I feel my chest being crushed ever so slowly.
Pushing harder and slower. Farther and lower.
My heart throbs like a beating drum before battle.
Love. One word. That has so much meaning and power behind it. I mean, I’m not even sure I know the value of it is anymore.
I thought I did.
Upon the beds of my frozen lake
Where my roses were left to sleep
She lay
In the meadows of my broken hopes
And dreams that never came true
She sat
She heard his voice
She heard my voice
The beginning was full of warm colors.
Then came to an end.
My heart starts to break slowly, just as the leaves begin to fall.
Do you know how it feels
To watch you and know
That you'll never see me
That you'll never hear me call your name
Do you know how it feels to want you
To hear you laugh and cry
Every day is a gift,
all the days just flow so swift
try to live positive & for others try to uplift...
<3
You are here for a reason bigger than you
I know some time you wonder what am I here to do?
Is it some thing huge & grand, here...
I have never wanted a black man before
He who walks around with his under clothing out
He who had but 5 words repeated over and over
I want this man
I covet him like a child covets a charismas toy
All he wanted was to be loved, but no one ever threw love his way. His heart already have cracks in it from what that girl did to him the other day.
How can he love when all love done was bring him pain?
I woke up this morning with no doubt in my mind. Do what needs to be done with having only a certain amount of time. Getting ready to leave, oh! Look at that sunshine. Grab my jacket to walk out the door but the sun just wasn't shining anymore.
The smell of smoke lingers in the air
Blowing towards the crack longing for freedom
to escape its beholder
I am the smoke looking for a place to go
To grow.
I can fly with the wind and
Every morning when I lay awake
i don't see you anymore
heart of mind is the key to this relationship
baby I will always love you unless you love me to
I put my life in the line
Let me start off by saying god bless you
The world's greatest philosopher couldn't fathom the words to express you
We tend to lose all hope and live in regret
Meanwhile the world continues to spin and time is being spent
I am quiet and quite emotional,
many used to say I was really antisocial.
I have limped, kicked and crawled from the at school threats,
nobody knows my darkest secrets.
So lightly you appear
And my mind just can not compare
Since everything is so different.
How can it be this colorful?
Still my sorrow lingers on too.
My heart aches at the loss
I have always wished for something more
a little hope,
a little love,
a little bit of something.
But now I sit by myself
wishing for nothing.
Darkeness surrounds me
i hate my scars.
they are not lovely,
they are not bravery.
they dictate my life.
they tell me what i can wear,
where to go
who i can trust,
who i can love...
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
Alone.
Isn't that how it starts?I sit alone, waiting for a call
A call that could possibly save my life.
I am alone.
My depression eats me alive
But I still try.
Try.
I try to be happy
This is for all the hearts i broke,I want you to know im sorry.
and my tears are now soaked as a young girl,
I feel the warmth of strangers voices but I know I am alone.
In a semi coma a darkness pulls me under, to a sea of thought.
I wonder why can't I fell each snow flake land on my skin.
My heart pumps when I see you
My hands sweat when I see you
My legs shake when I see you
My eyes water when I see you
My mind fails to load when I see you
But you pass me when I see you
Is that all I am to you?
I’m just another drunk girl at Life’s party.
Drunk on alcohol? No.
Drunk on the hurting.
It’s so reoccurring and my vision is blurring,
Decisions crinkling…
You're in my dreams again and I don't know how you got there.
You've been gone for two years, yet I still miss your smile.
Tell me how I can get you out of my hair.
I'd do anything to stop being so sad over you.
You told me you love me
I knew it was a lie
But down inside I believed it
And stupid me
Misuderstood this for inspiration
Knowing that this fantasy was going to end soon
Who am I?
My name is Seraiah Jean Cook
But what does that mean?
I'm more than a name
I'm just a girl in this world trying to be sane
My life hasn't been the best
Do I have to have a destination if I decide to runaway?
Or would I end up in the perfect place for me?
We'll, see. We'll have to see. Let's wait and see.
'Cus I noticed the sun hates taking breaks,
On that day the wolfs sad song rang true
I sat by the pond broken and crying
That was the day that i lost you
The pain was so bad surely i was dying
I loved you to death but we're through
Love, where are you?
It is your special day
and you
aren't here.
Where,
Oh, where
could you have gone?
Could you be with everyone,
but me?
Isn't my heart important?
In my sleep I feel a cold draft that much reminds me of the words you ended a world with
A world full of many
Many beliefs, loves, words, and growth
Growth between two minds in limbo
You Often Dreamed Of Things You Felt Were Impossible To Come True...But One Day, It Happened. It Really Happened.
They tell me emotion is weakness.
They say I feel far too much to create something productive.
But I can't control it.
I am me,
Because of what I feel.
They say I speak far too excitedly,
We have a short temper
Do something either we dont like
we lose it
Yells and screams in face
Hurtful comments
Threats of leaving
Slaps and pin downs
Throwing and stomping
Holes in walls
Extinguish my desire;
it burns bright because I fuel the flames.
Please, put out this fire
heated by my passion for you.
Look past my scars;
don't mind my scratches.
Nothing here is marred;
I'm nothing but a windshield, no one looks at me unless there's something wrong and even then they just wipe me off and keep it moving,
In the beginning, it was love at first sight
My world was full of darkness, but he was my light
I loved him and he loved me, I thought I could be myself and be free
My love grows stronger with each passing day, it blooms like a backyard rose in May, my heart like the rose through the gentle rain, is watered and nourished, though the skies are grey,
Being alive im cold
I cant breath
Life being taken from me as i lay asleep
My mind wondering , whats happening to me
Life isnt over?
Than why do i feel dead
Fighting a nightmare
Looking for a dream
I sat in dismay
Higher went the price
The room grew fuller
I started giving my life
Shiney and more pricey
It filled my eyes
My heart grew big
It dimed my sight
It rose to a point
Luna's crystal veil glows bright tonight.
It lays across the top of the ocean
as bypassers cross it, yet it doesn't rip. Alone
she stays, glowing with no one to adore her
A Life Interrupted
Darkness falls upon my thoughts
And yet I cannot sleep
My mind so full of shadows
Reaching in the deep
I am of flesh
I breath sin
I keep to myself
what lies within
But do express
And I'll give you notice
When storms draw near
I feel their closeness
Love one love all
Buried in woes,
Don’t dream, don’t dream.
Every time her eyes will bleed,
For tears cannot ever express,
The harsh thorns of this beautiful rose.
She sold her soul for the beauty in tomorrow,
Locked Up
Life in this prison ain’t really so easy for you
You on the streets going back and forth to Juvie.
Painful thought
Always
Involve someone i love
Never someone i hate
Has the world gone mad?
Are people out to get me?
That could be it...
Everything hurts now
So far
Far from you
Far from not knowing what to do
Far from what I know
I don't think I can grow
I can't go without you for a single day
Because wihtout you there are no words ro say
The vaguely audible drip-drop of tears onto floor
The sorrow, miserable countenance she wore
The expanding of an internal flame
Who is, I wonder, truly to blame?
She slouched, unevenly sitting
I’m tired of being your entertainment.
How long will I go on without any payment?
I’m sick of being convinced to stay
Fearless is the absence of the fear
Fearing less is a message held dear
Bravery or neccessity, the motive unclear
Tongueless or eyeless, his silence impure
A road less tread, a story unread
Behind this barrier that you see
Is a broken girl with shattered dreams
Behind her confidence
Leaks insecurity
But she wears her mask and she wears it well
I am a parasite
Love, masked in depression
Darkness conjured from the light
The familiarity is lost on me
Suicide is too disgraceful
I feel numb, the pain no longer subsides
I am a parasite
Love, masked in depression
Darkness conjured from the light
The familiarity is lost on me
Suicide is too disgraceful
I feel numb, the pain no longer subsides
Radiance, torridity and stars exploding on the inside of your eyelids.
Symphonies of light and sound, and hell with it’s unwithstandable blazing.
The world made sense when I layed in your arms,
I felt safe there was no need for alarm,
You were my hero you said that you loved me,
and stupid dumb me, I actually believed!
Now I know what love is, and no its not bliss,
nor the feelin you get the first time you are kissed,
Love is Pain.
Storm raging insde you like a hurricane
and all you see is their face feeling your heart race,
i had to realize
that it could never be.
he was too old
i was too young
and we were both too shy.
maybe it was a facade
a front
maybe it was all just ludicrous.
To this place I let my memories cleave-
Long ago, a time on water’s horizon,
A moment ethereal I never want to leave.
On a large, cool stump, love was received,
Drawn from my heart for you were my siren.
Come,
Sit down and view my world
Let me take you in
They say my name
As if it is I that should be ashamed.
And yet, I win another battle
Chuan de, river blossom's day, Tian, Hua
Fu rong chu shui, like day rissen from night, hei ye
ni, and i, stand over rui, see those flowers hua cao?
Wo kan, say i, why ta bu shuo? dark, night ta shi...
Trying to be in a relationship with him is like trying to smoke a pack of cigarettes. He's addicting and his smell intrigues me. The first time with him isn't so great, but something about him makes you want to go back.
Ode to Darkness
You have existed
since the beginning
of time
and for too many years
and to too many minds
have been
misunderstood
You may have it all,
With your lovely eyes and bashful
smile,
But all of you won't matter in a while.
I've given in to the greater good,
And it's time to let it be understood.
As light approaches the lenses
And the camera frames my face
The flash alerts my eyes
My features begin to erase
I stare at nothing
But the fallacies of a picture
Being told I am not enough
I get hurt because I care too much
I turn to things that help me up.
The art of makeup makes me forget who I was
I got myself a new identity since I cannot go back to what I was.
Through the cracks I fall,
Waiting for the moment of certainty,
So I can grab a handhold and regain stability.
What you see before you is not what I see in the mirror. For the mirror knows the true person who always hides behind the mask. Tell me, is it true that the most common mask we put on every day is a smiling face?
i.Your kisses taste like silver and lead,your words bullets left in the barrelas my hands trace over the triggerand tempt you to release them.
She came to me
Eyes filled with tear and she began to confine to me,
She said
"I fell in love with him because i thought he was best for me,
looking at the entire world in an illusion
He asked her can he come through!!
I seen the comment as i scrolled up my screen
It left me emotionally broken I could hear my heart Scream.
I know i wasn't perfect
But at times I tried,
Behind all the filters,
my pictures hold natural beauty.
Behind the makeup and touch-ups,
I have freckles that engulf my face.
Behind the smiles,
I hold back years worth of overcome struggles
They say pain is temporary
Forgive me for thinking its scary
Maybe it's a fantasy, no fairy
I want comfort on the contrary.
Pain is a inhibitor,
because it inhibits us.
You could call it bondage,
If i had a penny for every time you said "I love you"
I would be banking with at least a million and two.
But if I had one for every time you meant it
I wouldn't even have a single cent.
Mood:BlankMy mind is a blank canvasI want to paint my mind with colors of youEach stroke being a different reason to love everything that is youMood:Indigo
I am strong,Even if I do not belong.I am dedicated,Even if I am continually deprecated.I am loved,Even if hatred keeps me shoved.
Vivid Loving
If one day, our laughter disappearsWould you settle for silence? If I no longer smiled and shed only tearsWould you let go and not give me guidance?
You wonder if it's all in your head.
Why can't you run awayor cry for help?
Once again, you are driven against the cold cement.
You become paralyzed.
Unable to move
i’m sad
sunshine body
sunlight veins
the sun
it’s a new day
but not a fresh start
and i shouldn’t be sad