You told me, "It's over..." again. I know that, Jorge... It's been over.
You know that and I know that.. And of course...
You KNOW I know that.. So who was the validation for?
Let me ask and pretend I don't already know who..
Let me ask and pretend like you'll tell me the truth...
The truth that I already know with every fiber of my being..
The truth you know is the truth, but will NEVER have the [guts] to tell me...
Let me ask who has been taking your time..
& doing such a GREAT job keeping ME off your mind...
& let me go ahead and pretend
To believe all the lies
that escape your lips then,
like rain from clouds, so effortlessly... so naturally...
Jorge, it's true.. ignorance IS BLISS..
So I beg you, for my own sake, let your lies fall all around me,
All the while,
I'll dance in them proudly
and FOOLISHLY..
Because I -HONESTLY- believed - You. Were. Mine. ...
& please love, don't stop.. Until I'm drowing in THIS...
In my last Moments -
leave me.. Like you've done every time...
To sink.. Like an anchor carrying the weight of the world, deeper..
and deeper.. and farther away from the surface..
Still too blind in love to even notice...
That I'm the only one WHO
is wasting away... all the days in my own life...
But I'm still seeing visions of YOU...
So I believe that I'm fine...
Even though you've proven you will never BE..
here - to stay - by my side..
The ludicrous hopes in my simple mind...
Absurd, are so pathetically con-vinced;
It. Will. Be. Diff-er-ent...
... this time.
It never has been. It never is.
I know, I know, I know this...
& yet... Despite...
I still think you'll come back & save me..
Cause you wouldn't just let me die,
right?
Although my love - you did.. Let me die like this..
Time and time and time again...
I'll gladly die this way - it's my life to spend -
drowning, figuratively, a hundred, a thousand, a million more times...
Until then,
The beat of your heart is ENOUGH,
to keep my feet above your falling words, but they rise...
Dancing in my own death, So in LOVE...
Ignorantly.. pretending
I believe all your lies.
***DEDICATED TO J. G.***
It was just a letter at first, but half-way through it became a poem. A poem that was begging for me to write it.