closet
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I never told my parents I was gay.
Never mentioned that I would not be giving them grandchildren.
An eleven year old’s mind, full of insecurity, but eleven year old’s will listen.
Listen to the news that you watch
Don’t tell me you know me
Because you don’t
All you know are smiles and “im okays”
You have no idea of the pain underneath
I wear a mask woven of lies
Hiding behind a happy facade
I wear long sleeves
To cover the scars on my arm
I wear oversized clothes
Being Gay,
I was never actually happy,
I was locked inside a cramped closet.
Being Gay,
I was manhandled by my father,
I was being belittled.
Being Gay,
I couldn't be myself,
I feel the breath being pulled straight from my lungs. They feel themselves collapsing back into the same stars that they were born from. I feel my heart pounding.
Do you truly understand what it means to be locked away?
You see all my life, I have been stuck without even realizing it
Dear Sydney,
Out there,
I’d be bare,
Stripped down, naked,
A silhouette, faded.
Can’t you understand?
Is the closet really safe?
Or was it meant to be fake
Played with like a heart
Who will soon be torn apart
See,but people don't realize this
That the closet is safe as is
These infernal steaming pools,
housed in rust encumbered riveted domes,
Constructed by prison masons posing as scribes,
Spout their plumes of water rising to eclipse skylights,
fogging up the warped cracking glass,
Be yourself they say
its ok your no different from the rest
But as soon as you choose to step out the closet
Its like your all a mess
You cant be different
if you have a mindeset
of everybody else
My life is a lie.
Every day is a challenge
As I put on a show for those closest to me.
I was taught that these feelings inside me are wrong.
Doubt is my destiny, faith my breath.To tomorrow, carefully I live, on pain of death.Interlocked fingers and combatting thoughts,It's love that lingers and the fear has been fought.
