' 'fear' 'mental illness'

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I am scrubbing and vacuuming  but the smell still stays  I am washing and mopping  but the smell still lingers  I feel uneasy here. Anxious. 
It’s in my head and driving me out of my mind. It’s difficult to deal with and I’m overdosing on pills to heal it. Falling in line and again I’m outta my mind… drown me back into my pile of pills I wanna dwell in it,
What is overthinking?  Is it thinking what your life will amount to if you don't get into your dream college?  
What is overthinking?  Is it thinking what your life will amount to if you don't get into your dream college?  
He was a young man.  Gazing into a pool of the self love he was never given by the culture around him.   He was alone. Knowing he would always be told he was never allowed vulterability.  
This curse killed my soul long ago Leaving just a shell of my former self  Leaving just a dark hole in place of  my soul    This curse Has taken my life It started by taking my kite
I strived for suicide, a way to escape my thoughts on the inside, All I needed was a way to rethink and unsink myself from where I stood,
At seven years old, taller than the rest. Quiet, shy, obedient, I look into the mirror and see, The eczema dripping on my skin,
To care for their children, my big brother and me, My parents would willingly part a raging sea, The modern-day Byzantine icons, living, breathing saints, A slash to my youth, their troubled life taints.  
  Stalking through darkness A feeling of encroaching predation He seems to have a prowess In checking for my sedation Blinded by his appitite
10th grade includes panic attacks in the bathroom 10th grade involves fake laughter at rude jokes 10th grade includes the first trip to a therapist  She feels upset.
It's been too long since I wrote an actual poem. Phrases, lyrics, verses, whatever they're called, they just don't come to me like they use to anymore. Burdens, mistakes, curses, whatever my excuse is,
I know this- life is difficult, it has ups and it has downs   I know this- having a mental disorder isn’t easy,
I said goodbye to my old life I said goodbye to my mind I said goodbye to my body I said goodbye to a day without pain.  Chronic illness, a storyline in dramatic televsion  Something your grandparents have
It's been a while since I put words on this page Seems my life is like a perfect stage Well that's what they say Cause I haven't been writing in decades
TW: ED   Pick it up. Put it back down.
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