Anorexia eating disorder
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Last year was the time I went through hell
Hospitalized and treated for an eating disorder
you turned me down and said
that I was not particularly your taste
so I let the drums in my stomach rumble
but I still couldnt feed you
1.69 CENT FOR THE PACK OF GUM YOU desperately NEED,
INSTEAD OF FOOD, CHEW THAT GUM YOU OH SO desperately NEED,
INSTEAD OF FILLING THE emptiness, YOU FEEL IN YOUR STOMACH
There is light-
Somewhere beyond this tunnel.
I cannot see it but I'm told it's there.
There is light-
Somewhere lost in the darkness that is held within my eyes.
I cannot fathom it-
My footprints and fatal errors in the past are drowning me.
Killing me with such guilt and preventing my breaths.
I wore an armor of thousands summer.
Dear Ana Rexia,
Hello, it's me, Maddie; your long time friend or, more accurately, long time slave.
I'm writing this letter to say I think it's time we ended our relationship.
Counting calories day and night,
Wondering if I should take this bite.
Anxiety muddled and riddled through;
Left feeling empty and 'whatever do I do'??
Last year I was a skeleton,
made of skin and Bone.
Pale and sickly,
but
nothing could stop me.
The help was not enough.
Sent to the hospital,
heart almost stopped.
Inpatient hospital
I’ve always wanted to be a magician
Always wanted to make things magically disappear
Just like when I saw a man place a sheet over a woman
Kneeling in the shower, hands pressed tightly to her ribs. Who is this frightened child? Does she even exist? She took a step back from the world, no one knows she’s alive. Now she’s grasping at her life, just trying to survive.
Anorexia killed love in her life but Recovery led her to find it
Young naïve girl is afraid of the world.
She looks at herself in the mirror and hates the girl starring back at her.
Fat thats what I am Ugly that's what I think when I look into the mirror, that mirror that just looks deeper into my eyes, that sees the hunger that fills them.Searching for the food that will stop the never-ending disorder.Help help that's what m
Fat thats what I am.
Ugly that's what I think when i look into the mirror, that mirror that just looks deeper into my eyes, that sees the hunger that fills them.
Your ribs are screaming at the surface of your skin, your spine like jagged mountains splitting your back
The light in your eyes is hidden behind a film of cigarette smoke and sadness
This cloudy mindset,
now my norm.
The aching pains,
I learned to ignore.
The feverish chills,
that I possess.
Just another day,
of living with death.
I cannot think straight.
Ana, they call her
One "n" not two
Ana, they call her
A friend for you
Ana, they call her
Give her a few
For Ana gets jealous
Of friends who are new
Hi! my name is… unimportant
Hi! My name is… unneededHi! My name is..nothing it means nothing
It is Obsolete at this point there is no going back
For the First Time
The first time I had ever heard of anorexia
I was eight years old,
And I was sitting on Mommy’s lap.
“They starve themselves,” she told me
“Why would they do that?”
They tell her it’s good for her
and that they’re guilty they noticed too late
that it’s vital for her
it’s wrong
(what she’s been doing during this prolonged period of pain).
You would never know walking past me.
You would never suspect talking to me.
You would never know that my laughter keeps me from screaming
Is it bad that I see myself as FAT?
Is it bad that I secretly want to be underweight?
Is it bad that im never completely happy?
Is it bad that I lie to my loved ones?
Is it bad that I cannot eat for days?
Today
Today I started up the set of thirteen stairs it takes to get to my room,
But I was too weak so I stopped at the sixth step,
Sat down,
And caught my breath how many days, had it been?
Today
Feet together
Head up
Collarbones out
Flat tummy
Hipbones jutting out
Hair long
Pin straight
Sleeves back
Clear wrists
Eyes focused
Blue sky
Fake smile
