The Unknown

You would never know walking past me.


You would never suspect talking to me.


You would never know that my laughter keeps me from screaming


Oh and that smile you love so much? It helps me from going insane


I walk past you smiling and giving you the support to get through your day


But I bet you don’t know that as I smile my insides are twisting with self-hate


With disgust and with emptiness


How can this be?


Maybe I feel so empty because I skip my meals?


Maybe it is my daily ritual featuring my fingers and the lovely toilet


You would never know that though


Because to you I am okay


To you nothing could ever be wrong with me




This is not okay


I suffocate myself everyday to be okay for you


Because my happiness and ability to be okay is what keeps you going


How could I be so selfish and ask for help?


My illness and darkness is unknown territory that you choose to ignore


I will not be okay


Until you learn to love the unknown


Until you learn to love me

This poem is about: 
My family


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