having OCD
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She follows me to where I sleep, hand in hand
promises a restful night
if only I do what she says
this blockade
or I cannot rest.
Everything was normal when I was young.
I was happy. I had great friends.
But that changed when I was 13 years old.
The tic said hello to me.
I never knew the tic before.
The tic had weird characteristics--
Obsessions and Compulsions pulling me every which way.
Step here they say or you will get hurt.
Step there they say or you will get hurt.
You MUST do this, you MUST do that.
Anxiety is believing in magic.
If I move my hand the door will hold its lock.
When I tense every muscle in my body the pressure will stop.
Dear Obsess
Obsess
Obsess
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Are you really sure we need to keep
Checking and washing
And checking
Dear Mind,
you and I?
We've never agreed.
For years and years
you've pulled the same shit,
made the same mistakes,
and I'm here to say
that I think I'm through.
I lay out facts
School is stressful, but you know what's worse?
My brain.
I'm trapped with thoughts of everything and nothing all at once.
But I smile, it's not super fake; it looks realistic enough.
A little line,
not straight.
A public sign,
not up to date.
The last box,
left unchecked.
Time on a clock,
that's incorrect.
I have obsessive compulsive disorder.
It bothers me...
I tried to tell you
When I was twelve years old
That I was experiencing something I couldn't nor wanted to explain
The bed sheets,
There, in the corner!
No, the other one!
It's not even.
No, I'm not kidding, I can't sleep with it like that!
The door,
The one I locked 6 times?
Yeah, that one.
