Dear Obsess

Obsess

Obsess

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Are you really sure we need to keep

Checking and washing

And checking

And washing

And checking

And washing?

My hands are cracked

I dread the feeling of water

But I can't wash away

Everything that you make me think

I am tired but too scared to fight back

I’m afraid you’ll attack me

The planes will fall from the sky and take everything that I

Have ever loved

With them.

Dear obsessive Compulsive Disorder you can not sleep

Until I have checked

Every

Single

Pair of shoes next to my bed

The boots, then the sneakers, then the slides

The boots

Then the sneakers

Then the slides

The boots

Sneakers

Slides

How many times do I

Have to re

Repeat

Repeat your rituals

So that you’ll stop crying over irrational situations that haven’t even happened yet?

How many cracks are in my hands

How many thoughts are in my head

How many things will go wrong if I don’t listen?
They say “I’m so OCD”
But they’re actually saying “your disorder is my quirk”
My disorder

My

My

My

My dis

My disorder is not your quirk

It is not straightening the papers on your desk because you don’t like the clutter

It is not cleaning your room when you have a week’s worth of laundry laying around the floor

It is sitting in the corner of the counselor’s office waiting for the bad things to happen because some teacher didn’t take me seriously when I said I need to face west

How can you

Possibly

Understand

When you don’t have to take four napkins if its a Wednesday

or check the boots

And the sneakers

And the slides

And the boots

And the sneakers

And the slides

And

And

And

and

 

Dear Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Please leave me alone

I’m so tired and maybe

If I stop checking to see if you’re there then you won’t be

But that’s not a risk I can take