self-awareness
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life is always changing
and sometimes it can feel like chaos
when you have to divide yourself
into pieces to get your shit done
A Melody on the Strings of Life
Dicey strings loom ahead on that enormous stage,
I tremble, terrified of onlooking eyes.
Piscine pissed upon, I think to myself,
Inside Out
I was born into this world inside out,
with more than just my heart on my sleeve -
my soul covers my skin like a thin cloud of smoke.
Sweep to the center of the room,
My brain, the state I live in,
All the junk; collect it in a pile,
And sweep it out the front door.
Is there a point to all this?
Some sense of release hidden behind years of
Doubtful ventures into nothing.
Can I outstretch these fastened wings,
And search for some greater feeling,
who is worthy of this name
what am I
but the universe
fused and twisted into
psychosis
she spits back what I spit up
and not for one second am I
the same as I was.
Emotions and turbulence,
Oh when did they become so solidly set?
Whether I preferred the strong confidence
I know not yet
Standing up when lies are raining down
The sentence of an almost adultFor the crime of surviving this longNot livingEyes closed, shut tightThe only thing that had my name on it before now were
And so it began,
back then.
I close my eyes,
remember,
I dream,
I forget.
Swirling though this space
encased with brittle bone.
Wanders the essence of myself,
The way she walks transmogrifies
My brain into soft clouds and kites
When below is where reality lies
Sweetly, strongly, in those silt brown eyes
Around those black river rocks, madsmoothed
“Forever” is not Forever,
However it is mine:
I cannot say I've done a thing
To keep my memory alive.
Like all the other greats
All I need is myself
For in me there is strength
Hidden talents
But as an open book I feed my flaws
A rose is a rose
A heart is a heart
A mind is a mind
A soul is a soul
A person is a person
And no one can change that.
That in its self,
is a victory.
Undress Me!
My lips are thick and full; although smaller than the alluring marshmallows that sit on Asabea’s and Ama’s faces.
As I grew, I learned to curse this sun kissed skin.
It felt like a trap to me,
plaguing me as leper- socially condemned being…
but after I gazed at my brother, the blackened night sky,
A lady came up to me today,
She had lost both breasts
With soul in her eyes she spoke of a savior.
Naive promises of saccharine salvation and loving embraces
Coated her tongue.
"It’s too good to be true"
I'm broke.
In all aspects.
Like the faucet in the projects dripping, that's waiting to be fixed, while the landlord's getting his fix. All white. All rock. In veins. In vain.
Some people say I’m selfless.
That I wake up and put myself on the back rack,
But it’s definitely not that.
When I wake up
I look in the mirror
past the dried slobber and nappy dew
What would you change?
You might shout out your own incompleteness
You might notice that in the body
Body of Christ there are many members
How about
how many languages do you speak?
I see myself as a gem
I know mysef as a gem
A mirror does not have to show me this
Photos cannot embody my natural spirit
I see myself
I love myself
I am the gem
From every little pore
Behind the curtain
Beneath the skin
it's different than what's in front
Out for others to see
Eye contact feels like lasers
When people are staring, it feels like the world is closing in
Who's hiding behind the locked door?
No one seems to hear me.
Who's behind the curtain?
No one seems to see me.
Who's hiding behind mask?
No one seems to see who I really can be.
Why are you hiding?
The sweet tryst of your love has had its endWhich fadeth through the dawn, it coexistsThe keen affection descends like a trend--You slowly, but surely, have to desist.The sickness spreads, continues to rescind
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Sometimes, I find myself at a loss for words.
My family and friends always jokingly feign surprise,
That the one who always has to have the last word,
The one with the vocabulary of a thesaurus,
I stopped beinghuman;
Maybe it was the callous palms oftheir hands guiding me into homogenous citadels,expecting me to follow;butI did not follow suite. I wanted more than callouses.
The future is dark,
Life is full of confusion,
Look inside for light.
-Amanda K. Jackson
Myself;
As expansive as the ocean,
Yet also a wanderer within its great depths.
With no thought at all I flow with its motion,
But resistance is found when I consider my breadth.
Deeper than the submarines,
I killed myself again last night,
with the psycho analysis of the friend at my side.
And even though it kills to be so dismayed,
I delay, I progress, and I delay further days.
Kindergarten
I chase you around the sandbox
And just for a moment our eyes lock
And you give me that big goofy smile
That says: let's just stay friends for the while
At a glance I glimpsed something I couldn't comprehend
A shimmer of light that deafened
And Silenced
All the shadows screeching from within
And in
that moment that I had
I Stepped Out of an Ugly Skin
Lively, smiling I once use to be,
Before a thing hit me called reality
What was that? You don’t like what you see?
That’s alright, I’ll change profusely.
Oh, not to your interests either?
Letmego
You conflict and inflict me.
You suppress and depress me.
Let me out.
Surprise me and lie to me,
Say I am not the warden.
Not the prisonee, but prisoner.
Dazed and aloof, I twirled a strand attempting to appear like I had an ounce of care
Until I realized how much I despised having to pry my hand from this nappy, untamed hair
Is it wrong that I just hate so many of my parts
The strength of a man is his arms
that protect you and keep you warm.
It is his caring ways
of the affection that he displays.
It come in an array of body sizes
with a structure capturing other
ethnicity eyes.
Although in a negative disguise,
a black woman’s butt was seen as a disgrace.
Now look all over the place.
She sits.
She breathes.
She stares.
Bedroom
Window
Incessant Rain
Soft Greys
Cloud-full skies
Withering Trees
Emptiness…
To resist an opportunity in the midst of our days
by the sunlight catching the inner core, it holds
weakens the penetration of the mind,
the many splitting of the selves,
the gold no one can take
