It’s the feeling

When you avoid asking for a cup of water,

Because you’re too afraid to speak.

It’s that long stretch of hours,

When you stay up through the night,

Because you’re too afraid of sleep.

It’s that moment

Of stomach-curling pain

When the one you like

Admits to liking someone else,

Yet you willingly help them,

Just so they can be happy.

 

It’s the selfless acts,

The ones that physically drain you,

Only because there’s no emotions

Left to drain.

It’s the silence,

The words that went unspoken,

Although they were the loudest

In your head.

 

When people mistake you

For being “stuck-up”

Just because you don’t speak to others.

When people accuse you

For being “anti-social”

Just because you turn something down.

When people call you out

For being “a know-it-all”

Just because you spent those times alone studying.

 

It’s the slap in the face

When someone realizes how scared you are

And you’re so happy that they notice,

But so scared that they know.

It’s the regret you feel

When you avoid it and play it off, a new game,

And they suddenly stop mentioning it.

You’re alone once again.

 

When you’re doing precisely what you love to do,

But you’re shaking too much,

Because you’re scared someone will judge you.

When you’re keeping a straight face,

But you’re feeling dizzy,

Because somebody decided it would be the perfect time

To speak to you

When all you wanted was something else.

You’re not sure what you wanted,

But it was something else.

 

The constant checking, checking, checking--

Who is on?

Who is here?

Do I know them?

Yes.

I need to leave.

 

It’s the feeling when you want to be involved

But you’re too scared to.

You don’t want to tell anybody

Because you don’t like the limelight.

 

...All I want is to help others.

Because, obviously, I cannot help myself.