I never feel like I belong anywhere and I always feel as though I'm in someone else's space. I don't think this is the way I am suppose feel, I miss being secure and stable in the person I was. Lately, all I've been feeling is the opposite of all the things I long for and I am losing grip. I pictured life different at this point and I don't want to accept reality. The cycle of life's "what ifs", "do's" and "don'ts" repeating in my head over and over and over again until I lose myself in my own sick mind games. I wish I could feel less like I use to when I was growing up. Feel less anxiety. Feel less sadness. Feel less of what others think. Feel less pressure on how my life is suppose to turn out. Too feel less of the pain and more of the joy life has to offer. I have a tendency to forget to have fun and lighten up. My emotions towards all things are intense, also being a blessing and a curse. I let insecurities not allow me to get out of bed. I started feeling empty because I reached a point in life where my emotions became too overwhelming. The events from my past have a way of . Unwanted memories keep recirculating when all I want is for them to disappear. Though it's inevitable, I am aware these thought will arise in me but are not me. I need to feel the positive vibes that once radiated through me. I'm beginning to understand emptiness comes from being abandoned by myself; It comes out when I stop loving myself. I need to fill that place inside. Understanding that no matter how much I've grown, I still have ways to go and I need to start treating myself the way I would want others to treat me. As much as the past can numb me, as much as I dread the future, being present is important. My past life has been shaped by my thoughts, attitude and expectations. No matter where I've been and where I'm going, I must understand that I can't be defined my past. The consequences of my past actions cannot be avoided, but I can avoid being the person I'm not. I have the power within myself to make everything become a reality.
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