Sometimes I wonder if I’m real
If I really exist or if I’m just told that I do
I can not prove to you that I exist
Nor can you prove to me that you do.
Is reality a conscious effort
Or perhaps it simply is?
A ghost of the past I’ve forgotten
A shadow of what I can’t forget
I wonder if I’m capable of love
If I’m able to be loved
Fully and completely
I wonder if marriage is the finish line
Or the starting line
And if I’ll ever reach either.
I wonder if I’ll learn to stop hurting
Not just myself
But the people I love most
I wonder if I’m a toxic scratch
On the lives of those I love
And if I was born to be like this
Was I born to be this broken?
Born to despise myself this much?
Or is this the side effect
of a pill I was forced to swallow?
Is this the result of the pain I suffered,
The memories I drink to forget
The feeling of a touch
that will always haunt me?
Sometimes I wonder