It’s funny how someone who was supposed to love me, never did.
It’s ironic how that a person that I never knew hurt me.
But it’s even worst that I hurt myself.
Father o father weren’t you supposed to be the one to hold me?
To save me? And to love me?
Why didn’t you? What did I do?
I always looked around me and saw children with their fathers and I cried.
I wanted a father, I wanted you. But you didn’t want me.
Instead of loving me, you hurt me. You caused me to hurt myself.
Now as I look down all I see are scars. Scars that you caused me to paint onto myself forever.
The scars are not only external but also internal.
I feel the scars within me, they engulf my every fiber of my being.
They consume me now.
Blood. Blood drips from my arm and for a moment I feel happy.
I feel release but it only last for a minute. The addiction, The addiction, the addiction.
I smile as I feel the pain and the blood running from my vein. But once it’s over I cry,
I cry because you caused me to do this.
You cause me so much pain and I hate myself.
I hate myself for allowing you to do this to me.
You’ve succumbed a monster.
A monster within me.
A monster that only wants me to feel pain.
The monster can’t be tamed, It sneaks up on me every once in awhile
and when that happens I fail to smile.
I become like a zombie. A zombie with no feelings
The monster never leaves, It becomes me.
It causes me not to eat, to cut, and to even try to kill my life. It tries to take my soul and bury it within the devil.
Eventhough before it’s almost won, I never fail to see the light.
The light flickers only a bit, I can barely see it but I follow it. It pulls me through the darkness, it pulls me through the pain, it helps me become a warrior. A warrior against the monster.
I smile when I win because for once you lose. Because for once I’m in charge.
I know now that I’m in charge of my own body. I know that this pain cannot consume me, for I am warrior against the monster.