' 'growing up'
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Later, they will tell me I didn’t smile for a year. They will tell me that I look like her, that I move like her, that I sound like her. They will tell me, in not so many words, that I am her daughter and so I cannot be anything else.
When I was a kid my parents took care of me,
I didn’t think much of it, so I let it be.
Now that I’m older I see the suffering,
And I can’t help myself from wondering
When did I grow up?
Side by side we stood
Cake, cuddles, cliques
Naïve playful jokes
Through the phone we texted
Shakes, sharing, snakes
Rude words on the screen
Parties I don’t belong at
Fields of butterflies were my favorite, but now I'll just stick to walking on the pavement. Yellow bee stings were the worst heartbreak, but now rejection letters ding. Dino chicken nuggets turned to a plate of green.
I knew what lied ahead
So I chained my feet to the ground
Refusing to travel to that place
But it was inescapable
The world ripped me away
When Momma told me not to do something, I used to listen.
I had been conditioned.
Conditioned to take the words she spoke as law and ignore my own supposibly inferior intuition.
For so many years I was a boy
Content to play
But alas when I got my first job
Suddenly I had bills to pay
First there was the rent
Packed in an ancient Boston apartment it was much too high
Through the branches I climb With scrapped knees and joyful giggles The innocence The ignorance As my young body rose and conquered I slipped, falling through the branches Not able to grasp To the blissful moments
We start off life bright eyed and bushy tailed.Everyone is in our corner,Telling us that the world is our oyster,And we can be whatever we want to be.
Ba ba
Ba ba
I yell to the Mama
Ba ba
Ba ba
My words just fall flat
Ba ba
Ba ba
Dinner is served, Mush is ate
Ba ba
Ba ba
I find I can speak more
Hello
Covered by the darkness within me holding me hostage with the burden of grief.
Falling to my knees in faith that I could one day be enough for you, for everything I do.
First , I have to give a friendship bracelet to my new best friend.
Next, I have to .. move
and leave her.
and cry.
Then! I get to have my very first phone!
Now! I can listen to
Rap?
Hip- Hop?
Nothing lasts forever.
I thought I knew that. I knew the pencils were sharpened away,
the fall colors faded to winter blankness,
the ice cream eventually melted.
But when I heard those four words,
He kissed me
He took something
A first of many
Something I followed with a smile
To mask my fear
I didn’t feel any different
But I knew
Something was different
When I was a freshman, everybody told me "four years would go by quick"
And there I was three years later as a senior deciding on which college to pick
Before my very eyes I was driving,
On my own path, in my own car,
On the road away from home.
No destination in mind,
Only the street lamps casting shadows
