Dear Dad,

 

I don't even know where to start.

You're still alive, but I feel like you have been gone for a long time.

 

I miss who you were when you didn't drink, I hardly remember that person anymore.

I miss when you cared about yourself. I miss when you cared about everyone. 

I miss when you showed up. I miss when you had dreams.

I miss you telling me that I had nothing to worry about.

But you were the thing I had to worry about.

 

I worry about the life you're living, and how it's not a life.

I worry about what your future looks like.

I worry that you'll never stop drinking, for your own health and happiness.

I worry that alcohol has already taken a toll on your health.

I worry about you so much, and I wish you understood how much.

 

It's hard to know that you are probably drinking a beer right now, 

Convincing yourself that it's a good choice. Convincing yourself that you deserve it.

What happened to my dad? Who always did what was right, who took care of everyone?

Why can't you take care of yourself? Why can't you put the bottle down? 

 

Why can't you see what's going on? 

You stoped living a while ago. 

 

You shared some of your favorite memories with me a few times.

You told me about a road trip you went on with your friends. Where are they?

Why aren't you making memories anymore?

You have so much life to live, why are you spending it drinking? 

 

You have two daughters who need you, but you need you more.

 

Happy Father's Day Dad.

I hope you choose to take care of yourself today, and for the life you have yet to live.

I hope you take care of yourself for the family that you used to love. 

And for the person I used to love.

I miss you Dad.

 

- T