Conversations with My 13 year Old Self

Sun, 06/16/2013 - 10:20 -- xShirah


United States
33° 29' 45.6756" N, 84° 22' 49.7604" W

You're so sad, your tears illuminate a dreariness that words can't describe,
you're so angry, the wrath of your fury is something you can't hide.

Dead is what you were walking, and dead is what you wanted to be,
surrounded by a vortex of pain and sorrow, killing you softly.

The waxen parlor of death is written on your face, eyes sunken in from the worry,
quietly telling people "I'm okay" in an unrushed hurry.

Every single breath you BREATHED IN...... hurt ya.
Every single breath you BREATHED OUT.... not worth it.

Daddy wasn't there for you, when you needed him the most,
he took his time about loving you, leaving you exposed to those deadly ghosts.

Oh baby girl, let me see you and hold you, and rock you in my arms,
let me speak to your heart, and transform it from cold to warm.

I see your heart weeping those salty, tar black tears,
lost in your deep sea of emotions, as those days feel like years.

Momma was always there for you, holding you, and guiding you along,
even when it felt like she was against you, destroying you, killing your song.

Oh baby girl, walk tall, and please lift up your head,
let me see your beautiful face and gorgeous smile; FORGET EVERYTHING THEY SAID.

You took those pills in hopes that maybe that'll make the pain go away,
rocking in the comforting melody of depression and misery, wanting to just fly away.

You remember when you would walk those cold nights, tired and alone,
as the car lights would spin heavily around you, destination unknown.

They were so beautiful, and looked so jubilant and free,
it took everything in you not to lay down in them, and just forget about everything.

You remember sitting in that dark room, making those screams that escaped closed lips,
taking that knife and engraving your sorrow into your slim legs and hips.

You were a zombie, you knew you were the walking dead,
nothing else mattered, but what your enemies said.

It became you against enemies and you against friends,
they all seem to become one, with the trouble that never ends.

You remember when he came to you, smiling, melting your inhibitions away,
having you fluttering with happiness, like a butterfly that won't fly away.

You swear you were in love, and he wasn't going anywhere,
no more rainy days for you, you felt, like he actually cared.

You poured your heart out, and he took it, and stomped it like trash,
having your dreams go up in smoke, and your soul turned to a pillar of ash.

Tears and pills weren't comforting anymore, you just wanted out,
no more silent screams, hateful words, and living life full of doubts.

Enough was enough already, your 13 year old body couldn't handle any more,
you mustered the faith to DO IT, and lay in a place hotter than the core.

Oh baby girl, PICK YOURSELF UP, and get out of that filthy road;
QUICKLY! The cars are coming to bring you to world unknown.

Don't believe them when they say "You're better off dead",
don't let those thoughts consume you, PLEASE clear your head.

I see angels surrounding you, loving you, protecting,
I see your light shining brightly, as your life is reflected.

Through all those tears that you ultimately shed,
Come baby girl, my shoulder will always be a place, where you can rest your head.

I have a bottle for all those tears, right in my heart,
all of Pandora's emotions tucked safely there from the start.

You went through more in one year, than many experience ever,
to honestly say you felt loved.................. NEVER!

Oh baby girl, if I could see you and hold you, and love you like never before,
if I could hug that tiny waist, and kiss those narrow cheeks once more.

If I could assure you that everything would be better than okay,
if I could put those troubling worries aside, and melt the bitterness away.

Conversations with my 13 year old self, let me comfort you my friend,
let me hold you and love you, and bear with you until the end.

It's okay baby girl, I got you, don't worry, just let go,
you've made it this far in your life, it gets better I know.

You know I love you, otherwise you wouldn't be here in existence,
I'm thankful you're here, that I'm here, even with my own soul excluding the utmost resistance.


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