NEW ME
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Reality why oh why do you bother me
I was just fine without you while I lay on the sand
My life was good, scratch that grand
It was just the sun, the sand, the waves and me
I was aware that life was tough
I believed some people exaggerated the truth
Here and then though, you face the truth
My first semester at college was troublesome
Y'all sleepin on me
But I ain't a bed.
Tried to love
But now that's dead.
Cuz all these years y'all fucked around
And put shit all in my head.
Like I'm ugly and unwanted
I've always wanted love
But now I don't want to want it.
I always craved touch
But dislike it when you touch me.
I've always wanted loyalty
And to be treated like I'm royalty
Every year, they say,
“New year, new me, yay!”
It’s not a joke, though,
You are pretty different, you know.
Growing, changing,
Maybe even rearranging…
365 days is a lot of time,
To the girl I once was:
You are missing from the person
I am now,
like a
mermaid
too far from sea.
Why cant you come back?
You are happy and see the beauty
why blame yourself
for what you did not know
have not felt
have not seen
did not predict coming
why of course if you knew what was to come
you would have ducked for cover
but what life is that?
A year ago I would drop pioson in every drink
I would lock myself in a tall tower
I would stab myself in the back
I was shocked everytime it bled
No one teaches you how to stop hurting yourself
New year, new me.
My reflection is the same.
My hair is brown
and my eyes the same.
New year, new me.
My name hasn't changed.
I have the same cat
and my house hasn't changed.
Small and quiet
This frail child,
Always seeking validation from others
Always wanting to know what she did was okay
Did she look right? Did she walk right?
Is her hair in place? Is she sitting up straight?
2016 was a year
where my hands where tightly tied
together with ropes that smelled
like your hands,
i hated that smell.
your malignant actions took over
my entire life
Last year, I wasn't me.
Well, I wasn't the real me, the true me.
I was the me who ate lunch in the library because I was afraid of talking to new people.
I found inspiration from the bible verse Galatians 2:20.
All my life I followed the outside,
I've never been an optimistic person.
To me, the glass was always half empty;
The sky always gray,
She is nothing but another body. She has no face. No smile or frown. Her eyes do not exist and her nose nothing that made her world renowned. In her mind, her image very bleak but her words worth wild to read but not to speak.
