self-doubt
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The maple seed hangs tight against the wind
But a gust comes through and it can hold no longer
It flies, dancing and twirling on the breeze
Pirouetting over fields and forests
Let's turn the page
I have a story to tell
About being on stage
And how I fell
I'm attached to strings
Yet I want to be free
Everyone else sings
While I wish to be me
“When she speaks, she speaks with intelligence”
oh thats strange, I am not intelligent
I tend to let everything flow
slowly, around my timid, lonely figure
Without any doubt, reason, or curiosity
I feel like I'm giving it all I've got
I feel like I'm giving nothing at all
Others give so much more
Under worse circumstances
Maybe my soul is just smaller
And I don't have as much to give
Dear ex-lover,
You say that it's not always about me
as if this fear of not being enough
of ruining every good thing in my life
Am I
Am I beautiful?
I know you tell me everyday
That I’m more radiant than the sun
But I don’t believe it for a second
That I’m even remotely attractive
Am I
Am I smart?
Growing alone, Behold the self-doubtThe crying, the lying, the gritting of teethWatching others ascend while your mood still depends on your peers.Fingertips brush edges where there is no apparent jail,
The biting exchange of night into morning is here.
I lay coldly, intertwined in crimson sheets and tangled hair.
Awake from a daze into the new day,
Who am I?
A question that has plagued for as I can recollect.
I'm African. I'm Indigenous. I'm European.
But who am I really?
In my youth I would yearn for you, this knowledge of self.
I love my friends. They're always there for me when I need them, A fucking lie; they're useless, terribly frivolous rats, who never stop to consider--
All I need is myself
For in me there is strength
Hidden talents
But as an open book I feed my flaws
Your Beautiful
Your Inteligent
Your Needed
You told me these things when I was young
I never belived the words you told me
I threw myself down
And told myself I would never be loved
But
To illustrate the Spring,
And focus on the innocence of bright new leaves
Which cover a fresh landscape...
Is ignorance on my part--
To say that infantile flowers are so opaque as to mask
There is no winning
in this war with myself
Weapons drawn from every direction
gun loaded
bows ready
When a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around
Does it make a sound?
If a write a poem and nobody cares
Does it still make a change?
You fall deeper each day into an ocean filled with dark, murky water.
You want to escape but the current filled with self-doubt makes it harder.
You constantly seek freedom but the dark shadows of negativity hold you down.
A charming smile melts a stoic heart,
Magma cools and turns to glass,
The soul fades gray and turns to ash.
The chest grows cold and light falls dim,
Yearning ends and passion fades,
Fear and love doth wane.
I put on the cap and the uniform
To please the people that give me money.
I follow their rules with a synthetic smile
To appease the ones I work for.
I complete the caustic piles of work
You handed it to me
As the snow fell around us,
Clinging to the fur of my hood.
Hesitant, I reached out,
Taking the pink and silver tool.
Pulling the silver,
The blade opened up, smooth, so smooth,
(Our vision to move forward in our different paths is constantly fogged by doubt and uncertainty often spouted by the voices.
The Voices,like the fog, can obstruct the view of our desired path.
