Behold the self-doubt
The crying, the lying, the gritting of teeth
Watching others ascend while your mood still depends on your peers.
Fingertips brush edges where there is no apparent jail,
Mouth smeared with a smile, because if no one can see the trap, it's not real.
Broken down within the precense of darkness
A curtain hiding you from the bare truth.
But they need you.
You're not alone in this tomb you've grown to call home.
The ripped out hair joins others of darker and lighter colors
Your friends are crying, eyes downcast
You open your arms, afraid it might last.
No one is watching you fail or squirm,
They're trapped in their own private chamber with bars
Just because you don't see them doesn't mean there aren't scars.
People have ideas formed from every experience, only a prompt for their words to spill through
No one is listening or watching your every mistake.
I can smile and be myself without a large brush off
My open mouth can join the chorus of others
Without a layer added to the box.
I am not alone.
Not everything is criticized.
My friends need me.
Becoming self aware is a new experience
Knowing that others are indifferent or afraid also is new.
It's a wonderful thing to experience a new you.
Breaking down glass with a new chipping tool.
Sisyphus' rock is lifted from my back, my lungs breathing in actual air for the first time in years
My lungs in the past too crippled by my fears
I couldn't breathe properly then, afraid of being too loud.
But now I stand still.
Hands hanging from pockets.
An open palm outstretched, still tentative but there
For the smile on my face is calm,
My breathing even.
For life seems more real, the perfect facade slowly chipping away.
Nothing is perfect.
And I'm slowly learning that I don't have to be
Perfect. Hiding behind a facade.