i am not perfect

perfect is far from my reach

i have not always lived

to the expectations you had for me

but

i am something.

i have something to show for all of this.

this time, this effort, this journey.

i do.

i am full of pain, covered in scars

i am stronger from all the weight i had to carry

i am music, embodied in flesh

i am burning with love

for those who have cold-shouldered me:

you, them,even

the other side of myself.

i feel my legs tightening

my calf caving in from this four year injury.

but i run on.

i cry, desperately imploring the tears to hold back.

"i am supposed to be made of stone!

stones do not cry!"

but i run on.

i run so that you remember me.

remember me as the one who struggled at first

typical freshman, making excuses.

that became a sophomore, whose eyes were beginning to open

that became a junior, who made a comeback

remember that year? it was a good year.

now i am a senior.

it is all hitting me.

this is no longer the time to salvage our relationship.

it is time for me to decide

how i want you to remember me.

please watch me, take notice

of how i run past the finish line

teeth clenched

legs tearing inside

look my way when i finish the reps

see how i do this with a newfound confidence

disipline.

i know your image of me is smeared

i know i am far from perfect.

but i want this chance, here and now

to repaint it

to repent for it.

remember me as the girl who tried

who fought

the injury that destroyed my leg

and my soul

the loss that took my loved one

and a piece of my heart

the struggle that led me

to the edge of death.

remember my name, which is like no other

the feeble attempts i made to make it known

remember me

and even if just a little bit,

even if just for a moment,

smile.