i am not perfect
perfect is far from my reach
i have not always lived
to the expectations you had for me
i am something.
i have something to show for all of this.
this time, this effort, this journey.
i am full of pain, covered in scars
i am stronger from all the weight i had to carry
i am music, embodied in flesh
i am burning with love
for those who have cold-shouldered me:
the other side of myself.
i feel my legs tightening
my calf caving in from this four year injury.
but i run on.
i cry, desperately imploring the tears to hold back.
"i am supposed to be made of stone!
stones do not cry!"
but i run on.
i run so that you remember me.
remember me as the one who struggled at first
typical freshman, making excuses.
that became a sophomore, whose eyes were beginning to open
that became a junior, who made a comeback
remember that year? it was a good year.
now i am a senior.
it is all hitting me.
this is no longer the time to salvage our relationship.
it is time for me to decide
how i want you to remember me.
please watch me, take notice
of how i run past the finish line
legs tearing inside
look my way when i finish the reps
see how i do this with a newfound confidence
i know your image of me is smeared
i know i am far from perfect.
but i want this chance, here and now
to repaint it
to repent for it.
remember me as the girl who tried
the injury that destroyed my leg
and my soul
the loss that took my loved one
and a piece of my heart
the struggle that led me
to the edge of death.
remember my name, which is like no other
the feeble attempts i made to make it known
and even if just a little bit,
even if just for a moment,