The Realization

I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore

When my heart sped up

From the mistakes that I had made.

A moment in my life,

Where I realized

There was a price to be paid.


A price for every action

A price for every addiction

A price for everyone that I loved.

A price of fear

A price of sadness

A price I couldn’t outrun.


I didn’t mean to hurt you

I don’t intend to cause you pain

I’m just struggling to find truth

Struggling to get to better days.


I’m more lost than I could ever be,

I’m scared, more terrified than I’ve ever been.

I try to hold on to the past, hold on to happy memories

An old self that I may never be again.


There’s really no excuse for the price I’ve made you pay

I don’t want to disappoint you, but I do day by day

You did nothing wrong, it’s not your fault at all,

You’ve been nothing but supportive of me


I’ve just got a lot that I need to figure out.

Things I can’t really explain.


I’m not a kid anymore, and the future is inevitable.

There’s no point in trying to run or trying to hide.

What I’m struggling to learn is why good things are so precious

And its because they come, they stay, and they pass you by.


Please don’t be angry with me, please can we just over look what I did

I know I should know better

I should have done better, but I made a mistake

Not being an adult but instead being a kid.


One day I’ll make it up to you

One day I’ll make it right,

I have an image in my head, a state of peace

An image I reminisce before I go to bed every night.

But as of now I need you to bear with me,

I just need some time, one more try

And hopefully this time,

I won't run

I won’t fail,

I won’t hide.


This poem is about: 
My family
My community
Our world


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