When you look at me, tell me what you see.

Do you see me, or are you simply focusing on vanity?

Shakespeare once said that all the world’s a stage,

If only he could see how he prophesized this world of today

All these actors, the masked expressions, the costumes, and the props

Of money, status, and looks

That we hide behind

Cry, scream, and

Die behind.

 

But what happens…

When you get to the point where you look in the mirror

And don’t even know who you see…

When the time comes where the person you thought you were

Catches up to who you’ve become?

 

How do you deal?

I promise not to tell…

Do you drink, do you smoke, get high as hell…

Where do you go?

Lose yourself in music, gone running,

Running

Running

I look back over my shoulder and laugh at

The redundancy

Of tryna run from yourself

And your

Past.

 

I think back…

To all the words, hugs, pain, drugs…

Just forget about it, Amahni, they say to me.

And yet I think back…

And she’s SCREAMING…

Stop. 

But no sound escapes…

The breaking and entering of a virgin body

The raping of innocence,…

And it’s finally over, so get over it, they say to me.

Then you leave,

And so does she.

Just let it go, Amahni, they say to me.

But what if I can’t? I reply

To nobody.

 

 

Trying to keep your guard up

To stop the pain

“You ain’t gon’ hurt me anymore”

Yet remain compassionate

Remain sane

 

I’ve told y’all a lot over the last 18

I tell y’all ‘bout the good to keep you motivated, ya know?

Ha, but it ain’t always good…

So tell me,

should you sit back, stand still

And let the past consume?

No.

 

And as the layers are peeled back

And as I try to comprehend it all…

The years I’ve held back

The pent-up resentment and hurt…

It presents the chance for me to face

All I’ve known…

So as I look around at everything that is my life…

I wonder what will become of me…

In this infinite warring between past and future self

I wonder to myself when the day will arrive

Or if it’s merely wishful thinking.

I wonder to myself if we can ever truly live nakedly,

Cease the imitations

Cut the pompous pretenses 

And seek and love ourselves

For all that we are and all that we have done.

This world is damn near frozen over

From the superfluity of its cold inhabitants and happenings.

The only thing preventing it is the

Overcoming thereof.

It ain’t all easy, y’all, and throughout this process,

I’ve definitely grown distant,

All these feelings and thoughts,

Suppressed and tucked away

I’ve gotta face now

To those of you.

Who’ve stuck with me throughout it,

I really appreciate it.

Despite all of this, I do believe

It’s worth it,

And if I’m worth it, so are you.