letting gO

If I could ask for one more day
That I could be yours
I’d bask in moments, the love, the security.
the purity in our intentions
Before we refused to speak what was unintentionally mentioned
The lies you’d cry
Leave me paralyzed
Under the eternal ocean of longing
Swept me off my feet before I realized you never meant to.
What I can remember feels so real
Staring in your eyes so the universe can peel
The forgotten promises you told me would last forever.
But they wouldn’t.
Deranged in a trance
Burning to the degree
But only you hold the key
That you threw away
After you decided I fit the part
Of who could try and make your heart change.

Can I forgive you for making me a player in your game?
You never meant to turn my time into waisted space
I can try and convince myself your words were real
But I don’t know if that’s any better than what I feel
You manipulated me for so long
Yet I still think I’m the one in the wrong
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry for anything I could have done to make you unhappy
My heart aches to make you feel the love and hope my diluted brain thinks you deserve
But without a word
You can entice me with your silence
Hypnotize me from the emotional violence
And I can actually be convinced
You’ve never done me any wrong.

If I could have one more hour
To love you like I wish I could
I’d only be giving you the power
You’ve held over me for too long already.
And I swear
I swear to God I’m trying to get steady
But I’m not fucking ready
To admit
That our story was nothing but overexposure
To something that has always been oveR

This poem is about: 
Me

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