"A Heart Grown from the Shadows"


I’ve been given a gift, rather a blessing that takes you for who you are in all 
understanding. I can look upon your brokenness; fathom the searing pain in your heart, 
as well as grasp your hatred that maliciously tears you apart, truly at a time I was left 
in the dark. No rest today, no hope for tomorrow, wandering lost wallowing in my 
sorrows, as a child what I had to swallow was, “you are nothing, you’ve never been 
nothing, you will always be nothing” which soon became my motto. However now I’m 
standing before you to exclaim to all, life is in the fight so embrace you falls, stand up 
becoming stronger as a result, astonish your enemies, and break down walls, because 
nothing sounds sweeter than hearing your call. 

Looking back now I surly remember a significant day, yes this was 11 years, 3 months, 
and 19 days ago. On May 27th of 2002, I was taken away from everything I’ve ever 
known. Just before dawn I was gallantly playing outside. I looked over then suddenly 
concerned I see the police had arrived. They had my brother; he was kicking and 
screaming as they put him in the back seat. Then they saw me as I started to cry, so 
frightened I couldn’t flee, they came to me, said you’ll be okay, now you are in the 
custody of the state. As an 11 year old boy I had no Idea what this means, I was just a 
scared, oblivious, and helpless being. Right in between nothing and nowhere, no one to 
care now lost and unseen. After this wretched feeling I was directly put into an 
orphanage, endlessly crying in a corner anxiously wondering; where are my brothers, have 
they taken my sister, is my mother going to save me, now without a father, what is going 
on, and where am I? Soon came to realize, no hope of being saved, without love which I 
ever so craved, now my heart exploded and soon turned to vengeful rage, and I turned 
into a child on a rampage.

Soon after came on going the treatment centers, hospitals, and foster homes always 
feeling alone. I went through 17 different placements to be exact. There I was, a little 
boy against the world, feeling as if being always attacked but yet it did pass. After the 
initial storm ended and realization settled in, I became used to it and my heart started to 
mend. I came to start watching other children as they came and went, some became 
friends, even some I stood up to defend, and when that happened soon came the 
understanding, the ability to comprehend. I even observed the adults, sitting back 
analyzing their strengths and their faults. Immediately I felt I understood, I could 
compare and contrast my past childhood, knowing the wrong from what was good, and 
now all that was to wonder what would become of me. Will I ever be free, will there be 
a day I reunite with my family, and is all of this just meant to be. 

As time went on, I grew to be vigorously strong, and the day did come where I found 
this feeling which told me I belong. Today I can look upon my past and see the vast hard 
aches. I can now grasp the question of why me, yes for certain it was meant to be, my 
worries and regrets since been cast to the sea, I’m washed by the water and set to free to 
carry on courageously. Now kindly uplifting, freely giving, gracefully forgiving, and 
professing this life is truly worth living. Now accomplished so many things, got the 
feeling of graduating high school, became varsity as wrestled, member of the football 
team, on to college to see what life brings, holding on to my aspirations and my dreams, 
and the peace that in this life of mine it seems I will always be just fine. 

This was my journey, a broken road, a path taken with such a grueling load, but it made 
me who I am. Strong I stand, I triumphed over struggles to become a righteous man, I 
expand my compassionate care to you, in a wicked world I come with a genuine soul, and 
love that is true. You will get through as did I but will you let the pain overtake who 
you are, when the storm is over will you stay behind the binding bars, or will you break 
the chains having your stains washed away, will you look at your past and not let the 
struggles be in vain, I tell you don’t let the burden of conniving blame be on yourself, 
break out of your shell, claim you freedom having your eyes always fixed upon the 
kingdom, you can become an important someone, prevail over your past and leave behind 
what has been already done, then the day will come that you have gained a heart grown 
from shadows, and the battle has been won.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741