A Genuine Smile, Not One Of Denial

It is easy to feel pain, feel anger and feel bad about my life

I want to stab the memories, to murder them with a knife

Some days I stare at the mirror and it’s far from easy

the drugs, the death, the attacks and I feel queasy


3 years old and I saw my dad hit my mom

5 years old and he is exploding like a bomb

6 years old he is passed out on his bed

6 years old he punches my sister on her head

7 years old he told me he would stop and I listened to what he said

Until 8 years old I realize he'll take drugs until he's dead


8 years old my sister teaches me to roll a blunt

when all I want is for everyone to be blunt

No one is telling me the truth, its a guessing game

They tell me its not my fault, I am not to blame


8 years old and he is touching me

My sister’s boyfriend, I try to push his hands off my knee

They creep up, up and up to places I never even touch

because I was only 8 and I didn’t know much


10 years old and my sister goes away

"Juvenile Delinquent" is what they say

too many drugs, and way too violent

This is the day I vowed to be compliant


12 years old and I am being seated

"The drugs won the battle and your father was defeated"

He is gone and nothing will be the same

but it is not your fault, they say, you are not to blame


16 years old and my sister is mentally unstable

She is violent, she is scary, she is trying to throw a table

I cry, I fear, I call the cops

I hope and pray that everything just stops


19 years old and I am leaving my job

and a man comes up to me, a drunken slob

He demands money and my wallet from me

and all I wanted was to be free

He traps me in my car, threatens to break my neck

I impatiently wait until the perfect sec

to unlock the door, to escape and run

I quickly learned being robbed is not fun


I stare at the mirror and I find it easy to smile

A genuine smile, not one of denial

because my life is great and full of success and I know it

I always stayed strong and I always refused to quit

Straight A's in high school, top 5 in my class

I am sweet and sincere with the perfect amount of sass

3.9 GPA during my first year of college

I have a love for people, for hard work and for knowledge

My dad and my sister taught me not to do drugs

His death taught me to really love hugs

Being robbed showed me that life can be cruel

but I am quite lucky and for sure no fool

Because at the end of the day I am alive and happy

regardless of my life events, regardless if that’s sappy


Life can be evil and brutal and tough

but during those times, scream “Enough is enough!”

Although it seems like the good will never come,

just remember that even the bad can be good, and everything can be awesome. 

This poem is about: 
My family


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