Decision

Thu, 11/21/2013 - 17:09 -- vitzeli

Location

Fret.

Regret.

Anxiety.

Worry.

 

These are the things that held me down.

These were the things that haunted me

One big confusion. one big disaster, spinning out of control,

a wild-speed caster, flinging me to and fro.

 

I Shade my eyes and lift my face, I see you draw near.

You whisper softly and i hear.

You whisper softly, and theres tears

that roll down my cheeks.

 

You’re asking, “Don’t you Trust me?”

My eyes flick away, unable to focus on yours,

too ashamed.

I keep hearing

“It’s okay it’s okay. Trust me i’ve got this.”

 

Fine. I’m throwing in the towel. I’m done. I’m finished.

I’ve spent all my energy, I’ve wasted thought on stress that diminished

my health, my strength, even my spirit.

 

I can’t subdue my weary mind,

I toss and turn in bed all night,

I’m a miserable wretch.

Waiting for a rest to come,

That is only from The one, the only,

 

You’re Not just a king of glory,

Not just some lofty and distant,

high and indifferent Ruler of the universe,

 

No You’re MY God. MY King. Not just that, but a father.

But You’re much much more than a provider.

You’re a friend, but much much more than a close brother.

my Boyfriend, MY bridegroom. My Husband.

You’re MY love.

 

Well there’s the answer then.

The remedy to my confused emotions

the stability to this sickening ocean

of writhing feelings and raging notions.

 

It’s you.

Who I choose to pursue. A hard decision at first.

And yeah it hurt, For this heart’s contorted vision of truth,

wrenched my resolve, my free will,

from my spirit, and forced me to consider a life of no limits.

I wouldn’t be guilty, with no rules, no laws to break or follow.

It wouldn’t be wrong.

 

But it is.

A battle so severe, it draws me to tears,

So I give up.

 

I’m done.

I’m done with you heart.

I’m done with you mind.

My soul’s in the balance.

My salvation at stake.

 

It’s finished. I'm done. I’ve made my decision.

Lord. Jesus Christ, lover of my being.

You. you’re mine.

not that mediocre, commoner’s life that i’m running from.

 

I collapse in your arms,

and even in your loving deserate grip,

There is Freedom, emancipation,

from an old life of twisted love, chaos, and intimidation.

Then I’m assured. I grasp the fullness of your unfailing love.

 

You take my waist and lift my chin. in your tender embrace,

I watch your sweet lips, swell into a lovely smile.

I look into your golden eyes, warm and brighter than the sun,

You lean in for the kiss, distance closing in.

I breathe, and realize that i’m not afraid.

This was the best decision i’ve ever made.

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