Christmas Love

I pick up the red and black pants that I saw you wearing in those pictures that I look at all the time,

And I really thought that by know, I would be able to call you mine.

I had envisioned a future with you, in ways that I never have with anyone before,

And as bad as I want to, I realized that I just can't do this anymore.

I fall asleep holding those pants, thinking that in the next month we were going to be making our own photos,

And I thought that you would be the one I would be walking around campus with, under the lights, while it snows.

Being heartbroken is never fun, and it is never easy, especially at this time of year,

And even though my brain wants to forget you, my heart with always keep those memories that I hold so dear.

I I thought that during this time of year, you would be sitting here with me, being the one that my heart beat against while you held me tight,

But I relized that instead of you holding me, you were just the reason why I was crying myself to sleep at night.

Not only does it hurt now because of the time of year that it is, but how do you forget someone that you planned a future with,

And I thought that you felt the same way I did, but that was just the hopeless romantic in me creating more myths. 

All of this time, taking those little notes and thinking that they were strong signs of hope,

But while you were going up, the rest of me was falling down a slippery slope.

I pictured you coming here and watching Christmas movies with me as we drank hot chocolate, and who knows where it could've led,

But I now see that it wasn't suppsoed to be that way for us, and that the only thing I have left is the memories of the words that we said.

I should've known, and I did deep down, but I didn't want to believe it, 

And I guess everyone was right, because they knew all along that I shoud've just quit.

And there will still be that little part of me that is hoping, just because you didn't give me a definite no,

But I need to put that hope aside and realize that it is just you being nice and putting on a show.

I know you're lying, I can tell based off of what you said,

But I keep replaying what I wanted to say, and I can't get it out of my head.

I feel so stupid because I am only here because of you,

And I know that there is nothing else that I can do.

I can't even look out the window because I can see where you live and it hurts to see how close we are,

And even though I am physically closer to you now, I feel like your heart is still so far.

And you brought up the girl that I compare myself to all the time, and I know you meant nothing by it, but that's not how my heart took it,

And it seems like even though I wanted to make it happen with you, it seems like the two of you are a better fit.

I'm stupid, I know what you meant with what you said, and I have finally accepted that I'll never be enough,

And I have realized that no matter whatI do, I will never be the one who gets chosen, and I have accepted it, even though it has been rough.

You can't forget someone you created a future with, and you can't forget the ones that you love,

And I know that no matter what you will always have a hold on me, and you are someone I will never be able to let go of.

Instead of wearing those pants with person that I thought I loved, I use them to wipe my tears while I cry myself to sleep at night,

And no matter what I do, whether I hold on or let go, nothing I do is ever going to feel right. 

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