ACT I

The thing that shaped my year?

 

Well…it was not a what,

 

or a when, or a where,

 

or even a why…

 

It was a who.

 

But who…was this who?

Well, this who was a she.

She had brown eyes with long eyelashes.

She had the thickest, curliest hair,

And the brightest smile.

I sometimes think that,

That smile was a dream.

That somehow the stars behind my lids

Conjured up a way to help me sleep.

 

Of course,

It didn’t start out that way.

It started with a late night here, a drink there.

We would take road trips in the dead of night, because

She never wanted to stay still.

“Let’s go,” she’d say

And I would simply go.

No words of objection, or distress

Ever had the chance to leave the tip of my tongue.

My protests died

When I saw her eyes light up.

So we would cruise the empty street,

With no specific destination

And just ride.

~

The frosty spring turned to a fiery summer

And we would take our bikes to the park.

She showed me the woods and the skies,

 Introduced me to nature.

She showed me life wasn’t meant

To be spent indoors.

She loved cookouts, and bonfires.

She would drink alcohol like it was water

And she was dying of dehydration.

One day she pulled me out into a storm,

Walked with me during a power outage

To get something to eat, her bare feet exposed to the wet pavement.

And as I looked up at the grey skies,

Back down at the unusually quiet streets,

Heard the thunder in the distance,

And felt the water flooding around my thin sandals,

Dripping onto our poorly-covered heads, I had two thoughts:

One,

It’s as if we’re the only ones here…

I don’t think I would mind if that were true.

Two,

I feel alive.

I feel alive with her.

She wanted to feel everything.

And I wanted to feel it too.

~

So,

The heat continued…

And we continued…

And she continued…

To get further

And further

 Away.

I started to Panic.

She would always tell me to breathe

When I did that.

“Breathe.”

And as that word would flow out with her breath,

Mine would catch

For non-panicking reasons.

Whenever I felt out of sorts,

She would sort me out.

I laugh when I think of her,

She reminded me of a boulder.

So stubborn, steadfast

You could not move her,

 Until she was ready to be moved.

She was my boulder,

My rock.

But I soon ended up

Becoming the stubborn one.

~

There was nothing official about us.

No declaration, no announcement,

Not even a profile update.

We kept our secrets like we were undercover,

The summer nights we had spent together

Were only ours.

In psychology I learned about

How motives drive us

To get the things we want.

It’s a shame though

That she was not

As motivated

As me.

~

We fought.

She left.

She came back.

We did it all over again.

It was heaven,

Wrapped in hell

Perched on the border between

Peace

And

Insanity.

She did not love me.

But I wanted her so badly to.

I wanted to be wrapped up in her,

But she was wrapped up

In them.

I didn’t…want her to go.

But she did.

And even as she tore me apart,

I tried to put myself back together

Piece

By

Piece.

 

ACT II

 

The seasons change again,

Summer to Fall.

 

She’s gone.

She’s gone.

She’s gone.

 

Those two words

Keep

 

 Repeating,

                Repeating,

                                    Repeating,

 

As if I don’t already know.

As if I cannot believe it yet.

I touch a piece of clothing

That she’s left behind.

It burns when I pick it up,

And my heart stutters,

Like it’s trying to remember her name.

Like it hasn’t felt her in so long.

I don’t see her

For what seems like forever,

Though it’s only been a few weeks.

And then…I do.

Can you believe that?

Along with the leaves,

In our less than proud moments,

We changed.

But somehow she blew her way

To my doorstep one late night.

~

She threw pebbles at my window,

And my heartbeat fluttered.

A small part of me wanted to believe

She had come back

For me.

But alas,

I must have a storyline

That lends to tragedy.

The visit was short.

As was

Her apology.

It was simple, to the point.

Like her, I think

I could not laugh at my joke,

Because my mouth hung in shock

At her presence.

Silently,

Somberly,

I held out the piece of clothing I’d held onto

Wanting her to take it

Just take it away.

She just pushed it back towards me.

My heart jumps once more,

Thrums once more

As I hear her whisper,

“I’ll be back.”

And with that promise,

That smile,

She left.

~

The

                   Weeks

Pass

                On.

           

Although it feels like

I’ve been put

On

Pause.

I haven’t seen her since

That night.

And I can’t decide

Whether to stir up like a hurricane,

Destroying every single thing

Or to erupt like a volcano,

Lashing out,

Spewing words like lava.

So I don’t do any of these.

 

I just…

 

C

             o

l

             l

a

            p

     s

e

                   .

 

Like a building under a tidal wave.

I am pulled under

By something stronger than any sea monster.

 Is there anyone to save me?

As my last breath bubbles up,

I realize,

Maybe not.

Maybe I might

Have to save

Myself.

 

Nobody tells you how hard love really is.

No matter how many movies you watch,

How many books you read,

Or how many songs you hear;

Until you’ve felt it, you never really know.

And then you do,

And everything makes sense.

It hurts.

It’s wonderful.

It’s so many beautiful and ugly things wrapped into one.

 

But when a traveler only focuses on his destination,

He misses the journey.

We forget that while others can make us feel

Absolutely over the moon,

It’s important to find our own way

To the stars.

So that we may touch them for ourselves.

I pray for the fellow souls

Who have lost courage,

For they are the ones who need that light.

But I can no longer stay where I am.

 

So I shall travel the night sky,

Until I can travel no more

Reaching up high,

Watching those shooting stars blaze hot, sparking,

Whistling past my ears.

Knowing someday,

I will get there.