self-hatred
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Rape of
Stick your finger so it goes deep in my colon
No longer a finger, it becomes a fist,
A forearm
Remain inside and move, undulating
I hate you.
It's taken me years but I finally said it.
I hate you.
I hate how you are able to make me feel about myself.
You make me pinch at my sides desperately praying that this tissue will go away.
The little people in my head never go away.
There’s anxiety,
Finding the negative in the outside world.
Winter begins when our eyes meet
We cast our icy stares at each other
And I'm frozen where I stand
I pound the glass in frustration
You do the same
The same idea must be crossing your mind
The mirror cries long tears to the bus station
Her feet draw their mottled shapes on the
Pavement
It is wet and cold.
In my mouth, there lies elegant blood
Come, come, come with me
Let’s embrace each other,
seep into me.
It’s warm and deep.
But there’s something underneath.
We, the new generation, are the dream.
We, dentist smiles and thin, diet bodies.
Fluorescent lights, hope for a star to deem
I forgot I’m forgetting I’m forgotten
Since I got away from you for solid years,
Built up confidence like a Berlin wall that separated my mind from people like you.
I’m a poster child with no more room on the wall,
And I want to be the molly ringwald of every situation.
The eyes in the back of my head hear you talking bad about me,
Pause in the mirror
Stare into the heart attack waiting to happen
Smack flab lost in the caramel center
Drunken slurs slosh and slip from innards thrown outwards
My vision goes hazy My mind a little crazy suffocating, palpating my heart is tighter than my fist clenched, back drenched in sweat
She doesn't cry anymore.
Instead she smiles.
But her wrists cry.
They cry rivers of red.
But nobody notices.
Not until she's dead.
There is a woman in my mind whoseshell grows and crumbles, collapsesand is rebornendlessly. A statue, a castlein some ancient landthat was first etched on archaic blueprints and
Brushing my teeth
I use extra-strength whitening paste
But look at your teeth, the Voice says. They're all nasty and yellow.
I see a bottle of polish sitting by my sink
