disgust
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An old draft of.... something-or-other found on my phone's notes.
dated 08/25/2019
Written because barbecue sauce is yucky and I don't like itย
๐๐ฌ๐ฒ'๐ฏ๐ข ๐ ๐ฏ๐ข๐ก ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ฉ๐ข
๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ ๐ฑ๐ฌ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ข ๐ค๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ก
๐๐ข๐๐ฏ ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ฒ'๐ฏ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ค ๐๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ด๐ซ
๐๐ซ๐ก โ ๐ด๐ข๐ญ๐ฑ, ๐ฃ๐ฌ๐ฏ โ ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฑ
๐๐ฌ๐ฒ ๐ด๐ข๐ฏ๐ข ๐ฐ๐ด๐ข๐ข๐ฑ ๐ฆ๐ซ ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ข
๐
๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ฒ ๐๐ฏ๐ข ๐ฌ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐ฏ๐ฌ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ข๐ซ
How did I spend so long dreaming
Thinking
I was worthy of...love
What disease caused this vile idea to spread in my head that I was anything but unwanted
Who are you?
I do not know you.
I do not know you vile ways,The way you take pleasure in wounding me so.
I never would have noticed the
Abscess on my elbow
If they had not pointed it out
ย
I strained to see it
Red flushing my skin
Darker than leather
ย
O, youโre right
ย
I am controlled by this Bryiana,
What story has my face have told?
Her very presence sends a chill of electricity down my spine
I want to be a slave.
Iโll bear the mark of my master,
Iโll wear the chain,
Iโll cry myself to sleep at night,
Iโll endure the pain,
I want to be a slave.
ย
We mightย show each other loveย but my hearts too broken to fall for them tricks againLike a gambler in aย casino I would always fall to my demise over some crap...
You make me ill,
With your kind words
And not so secret stares.
ย
I feel your gaze on my body.
It touches my face, my arms, and my chest.
We both know you arenโt hunting for my heart.
ย
I look in the mirror
My smile fades
Disgust overwhelms meย
As I go through each day
Why am I living?
Why am I here?
Just to disappoint
Living with fear
I'm never good enough
Your generalizations on girls
Could be a hidden truth of
My worth to you,
But in your eyes I spot
Total opposite of these "hidden truths".
Your worth to me seems
So much higher than my
Worth to you,
Fifteen, my body curved like a question mark as you delegate my presence to your fingers like a Jesus prayer.ย
Dark nights where pain resides
No where to run, no place to hide
A young child, a boy of only five
A young child, a boy of only five
Each day is just a gift,
That's why we call it present,
That's why each day we smile,
And think things are so pleasant.ย
But deep beneath the surface,
Lies all the living secrets,
My thoughts, my words, my fury
They are my release, my security
My deepest fears, my darkest secrets
My writings are ME.
ย
I put my thought into my pen
Then from my pen to my paper
ย Passing by those I do not know
And those I wish to never know
A packed bus never fails to amuse
So much decay is put on display
Dripping from every pore
Ugly and deceptive to the core
