Fifteen, my body curved like a question mark as you delegate my presence to your fingers like a Jesus prayer. 

Smashed together our formalities with insinuations of innocent delusions of connections that grow parallel to where we both stand

Five years ripped steel bars through your rib cage like bible scriptures

Psalms in palms where you found God in dark corners

your hands wrapped around your addiction

Forget what you remember of chubby cheeks, plastic rims and upward eyes

I

Am no longer here for your bereavement of child like fantasies, fetishes and sex drives on over load

Come and sit with me

Engage in the fullness of my lips

With jagged lines

And like coke ill inhale you

Exhale stale conformity and your words so easily molded me.

I can’t be your paramour

Praying to a man to love me

Hoping he won’t

Dark refrigerators play dirty hands

Dirtier finger nails

On dirt outlines of chalk bodies of this body… needed a change

I won’t wait by phones, won’t say yes

I will deliberately whisper no

Moan louder

Mean less to you

If possible

Mean nothing

Start over… no four leaf clovers

No luck

However clever we seem, we aren’t magicians of time captures in photos with bad lighting

I

Want to start over

Need to know what you think as my breath tells the story of my child hood lost innocence.

Twisted around your white knuckles like ghosts with mommy syllables

We are twisted as burnt spoons and forgotten needles

This high Not high enough.