I slowly rise from my seat

The eyes that have been glancing up until now stop and stare

I don’t satisfy their yearn, rather I pretend to have not seen

As I rise and walk by I catch one eyeing my body

I feel a mix of pride and disgust

This strange concoction of feelings swirl within me

I meet one that upon meeting eyes, gives me a narcissistic smile

He knows he’s attractive, it’s disappointment that hits me as I know

It’s conceitedness that disgusts me

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and walk straight ahead letting my body sway in confidence and annoyance

I ignore his gaze and continue to walk

When one stares, I stare right back until flushed and embarrassed he looks away

Again, pride and disgust swirls around me

Fighting the urge to make myself smaller I raise my head and fix my posture

The rude face I keep intimidates others yet also piques their curiosity

I pretend to not notice their stares till I can’t help but shiver

It’s my presence I suppose

I can’t help but draw ones attention

Foreign looking, a mix of pretty yet not quite, and intimidating green eyes.

I have soft features making me look kind yet I know how to make myself look imposing.

This strong contrast draws their curiosity and interest.

If I give in to their interest and smile I know their curiosity will die down but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Simply said, I don’t want to, I’m averse to drawing their attention at all.

A part of me likes the attention yet another part detests it.

But another part of me knows better, if I smile I will be giving into them and that is something I don’t like.

Feeling like a piece of meat is something I detest, being desired is something I feel lost on.

Yet I also know.

It’s simply just curiosity and a fleeting moment’s worth of attraction.

It’s happened various times, I give in.

They also pique my interest.

Upon seeing me, and not the “ideal” girl they quickly lose interest.

This leaves me frustrated with and a loss of confidence, so I don’t give in and in turn I keep their interest.