self-loathing

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I know this all too well I have two parents Which means twice the yelling I get it
This demon in my head, It fills me with hatred And fuels my pain. It denies me sanity, And reminds me of my loss. It plays back my memories,
I'm not a pessimist. I'm not right. I look fat. I'm not bright. I'm a brat. I'm lazy. I'm a sheep. I'm crazy. I'm a creep. I'm frightened. I'm alone.
Dear Me,
 I found my place  the place where I remember everything I want to forget  trapped with myself  there is hatred and greif as I find myself  there is fear
2016 was my year of discovery and it wasn't just discovering friends or anything superficial like that not to say that friends are superficial but anyways 2016 was the year i started discovering
There are few things I loathe more than writing poetry. My words fall flat, and the thoughts inside of me Are jumbled. Confused. My line of thinking Is tangled, like fishing wire. The lure is sinking.
i wonder if it is possible to be simultaneously 
If the past could talk it would speak a broken language.
My voices sometimes told me
I can't bear the sight of you Your glassy eyes Your Cheshire cat grin You're suffocating me   You follow me everywhere You're invading my dreams
Theres two of us hereOr maybe threeI don’t know anymoreI stopped knowing a long time ago. Or was it recent.But it doesn’t matter because theres not just one.Thats bad.Right?
This goes to the people that think life's not worth living,
These walls surround me. They box me in and drown me. I’m floating down the river that flows from my eyes. - My life is so boring I forgot that I died I tried To make it work.
I say, "we're a lot alike." You say, "we're the same fucking person." And I smile as I love you,  wondering if this is what it might feel like  to love myself. 
We walk in empty rooms.
She plays with her hair like always, not even a nervous habit, just an everyday habit since she's always nervous.
I'm twisted twisted up inside drowning in this love for you the knot in my throat only worse with every fleeting moment
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