anxiety disorder
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The piercing of the gunshot and the race between my heart and mind is on
And just like the pounding of running feet on the pavement, my heart is racing
But it is the only thing I can hear
To My Anxiety Disorder: Spotted like a leopardOn National GeographicBut no cameras document me.Hidden in the shadowsI remainBut I feel like I’m in a glass case.Words like brushstrokesPainting a smile on my faceBut we all know the best art dies in
How do u explain to someone you cant hangout . "anxiety bad today" wont come out the mouth
Laying in bed , not wanting to get off the couch
what’s that?
oh, it was just the cat
she was clueless
what’s on your wrist?
oh, it’s just a scratch
i was working outside
The day is like any other day
At least it starts like that
But then the weight in my stomach drops like a dead weight
And I know that this day will be anything but OK.
My heart and mind are at war
Shall I say it? Shall I be true?
Reason governs my every thought
Think it through, Think it through
I thought anxiety controlled me.
I was scared to think about it.
I started feeling dead inside.
I could never breathe anymore.
I wasn't me anymore.
I thought being 12 was supposed to be fun.
With a heart so big but a brain so confused,I cannot tell if I'm happy?sad?or just Complacent?Do I need to get out there?Do I need to try new things?See the world?Or do I like where I am?
Two steps, quick look. Smile.
Count two, three. Faded frown.
Four, person number five; skip the next pace.
Scour the hall; fearful to see his face.
Imgine, still. Burning hazel eyes;
Chorus:
I'm stressed out
A lot of stuff on my mind, I don't know what to do
I'm stressed out
I just want to be alone, so I'm sitting in my room
I'm stressed out
Once there was a man who left
and his little girl was sad
she cut her wrists and bleed for him
as she wished to call him, dad
there was an incident that spurred the path
the family was split
Eyes blink shut into protective blackness
as a steadying breath sputters out at my lips.
The blood pulses in my ears
a drum beat, a mind-clouding rhythm.
I search my mind for words
she flooded herself in a drowning sort of fear that overtook hersoul like bodily possession
it took every bit of her until she wasnothingbut the rain
I write so that I might survive another broken night.
When I pick up a pen instead of a blade,
I can escape into the world where he doesn’t exist, where fear nearly vanishes.
I hate this
It’s stupid, pointless
But it controls my life
It gets in the way
Of everything
I’m a prisoner
In my own mind
I can’t try new things
I can’t do certain things
Wandering through the lost
I search for something found.
Turning every corner
On a straight path.
Never Stopping.
Never Living.
I've always thought myself my mother's daughter.
Our red-gold-brown hair glitters and waves.
Our curves hark back to her grandmother,
And it's because of her that I must pluck and shave.
