Hospitals
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there are ghosts in my hallways, skeletons in my closets, and nightmares sewn into my clothes
everywhere i look is a monster waiting to jump out and cut into me, the searing pain of a memory inevitable
what they do not tell you about being in the hospital is the waiting
waiting in your room
waiting at the tables
waiting in group for people to finish describing the colors of the monsters that are devouring their soul
Let me tell you of the week I grew up.
No, not physically but mentally and emotionally.
The physical age does not matter;
what matters is that the week before I loved candy.
Sitting in a white room.
what will happen next?
Sitting in this cold room knowing that tomorrow
i'll get yelled at… for being in this room
I don't know how to write a poem when I don't know what to say
When I don't want to stick around but I'm too numb to run away
And I don't know what to say because that fear was all I knew
But I don't feel anything now and
Your tongue was too bitter for my senses
So I attached my lips to the hollows of your hipbones instead
And counted the number of breaths you took in the
spaces you once filled with "I love you"'s,
Never would you have met such a violent twelve-year-oldnearly threatening to punch an orderly who told her,patronizingly, that her seizing father should wait in the roomfor there to be space. My mother chose that moment
Walking slowly into the bright white hospital,
My hands trembling to see him.
The strong smell of latex and cleanser surrounds me.
An old, fragile man sitting in a chair;
No muscle or color to his face.
You make me feel like theres no way out
I am trapped and confused I thought you could've helped
Why should I confess my problems when you yourself have caused them
Hospitals, hospitals,
they really haunt my skin,
when I go into them,
I regret going in.
They smell,
There big,
There scary,
There quiet at times,
Stop, don't go there
so I stop and don't go there
No, don't do that
so I do not do that
No brain of my own
no body of my own
I share it with my leaders
Flick of a switch
A shake and a shove
Awoken to be captured
And dragged into their cage
Thrown into a room
Cramped with fear
Atop the ghosts of girls
Who once lived free
I wake up to see doctors and nurses around my bed
Rushing through the halls telling me everything's alright
I feel the breeze getting colder as they are rushing me to a room
