talking
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I'm sitting on your bedroom floor
talking about nothing
but how could I not want more?
you're laying in bed
telling me about your latest fantasy
asking if the same thoughts are running in his head
It happened so long ago it really is blurry.
On hearing the news I cutt off, zoned out, and detached from
who I really was.
I just couldn't go there - not in one go.
Talking is exhausting.
I have to force myself to be eloquent, to say it right
To speak clearly and attentively
So much energy is used.
I don’t enjoy speaking out
In social situations
The unfamiliar – thinly veiled-
And uncomfortable
Trembling in my voice
As I say something that does not sound – does not
Emit – what I want to say and
I'm not going to write about you anymore
I can't
they're all sick of you and
it's all my fault
when I talk about you I want to scream
that they're not listening
they don't pay attention anymore
Since when has speech become akin to sex?
All accountability falls out, lifeless, writhing
On the floor in a snake’s pattern.
You know
We’ve been faced with assignments in middle school
Dealing with subjects like
Reading, Math, history
And writing too
I used to talk to trees. Often I sought their branches to hold me when I felt my body to small to contain what I held. They would talk me back into it- taught me how to grow inside a husk
My own words have been stuck
Between esophagus and windpipe too many times before
Leading to glassed over eyes and lost attentions
You have to understand these knots of fragmented declarations choke me.
I apologize that
my tongue does
not flap the way
yours does
I’m sorry my
vernacular does
not meet your
standards
My southern twang
drips sparingly from
I smile in hope they will stop staring.
I smile in hope that they will see the beauty I see when I look in the mirror.
I smile in hope to make someone's day.
I told you because you asked,
And I asked you not to tell anyone.
It dosen't matter what I told you,
Wheather I'm sick or not,
The problem is
You went and told God and everyone
They live inside my mind
take shelter in all its corners
weave themselves in my veins
and race each other to my mouth
dodging the filters of my teeth
they slide down my tongue
To change a world that has yet to find its place amongst the Universe,
would be a challenge to its inhabitance.
Dear, dear my dearest teacher,There is something that you must hearAll of the students enjoy their talkingTheir mouths will not stop walking,
They don't realize how luckythey arethat their lipsand words agreewhile I'm stuck herewith this pentrying to mke sense of everything
I be
You be
We be
but we don't hear each other because you see the words that I say
that don't communicate how I feel
because they are words on a 1 1/2 glowing screen.
You sit there
Trying your hardest to pay attention
All of your friends are in the class
They don't know that you're secretly a book worm
You're stuck with the question
Do I tell them to be quiet or join in?
I was once something that carried a message with ideas, emotions, and a purpose, made from thoughts. For only a short time do I exist to serve my purpose,
