Why is my mind so blank?

The colors that flash before my eyes,

they mean almost nothing to me anymore

I used to dance in the soft orange of a sunset

wade in the blue waters of the distant ocean

lie in the cool, green grass of the meadow near my home

bask in the warm yellow of a summer's day

and slumber the deep, deep purple of the night sky

I used to dream of beautiful places, but now

I can't sleep long enough to even dream of my waking world

Now I sit in the darkened corners of my mind

I shake hands with my demons

I play games with my monsters

and I drink with my innermost fears

We all could raise a glass for another day survived

and pour it on the ground for our glorious dead

the dead thoughts and dreams and hopes

and my demons and monsters and fears would surround me

they tell its time for sleep, so I sleep

The colors pass before my eyes

behind the void that my eyelids hold beneath them

I can see the ocean, the meadow, my home

but I cannot go there, I cannot touch them

Do you know what it feels like?

To be moments away, inches away, a thought away

and not be able to touch the very things that hold most dear?

This is torture, chaos, hatred, malice

And I love it all the more 

For every tear I've cried, I have loved these things more

More than life, more than breath, more than words

and I lie here, hoping, praying, begging whatever God is above me

That when my battle is through, when I've won my place

that I will touch the colors

that I will feel these places again

that I will suffer no more in the void behind my eyes

and that I will be, at last, free.