Three Years

Much like my father,

I refuse to admit to my flaws

I evade revealing any of my own weaknesses.

Much like my father,

I am stubborn.

It was the kind of stubbornness that made you frustrated,

The kind of that would protect you

From any unwanted change, unwanted realities.

 

When my father arrived home from work,

There was silence.

The silence was harsh and desolate.

It was almost like a game,

But not the type you played for fun

This wasn't Monopoly,

It wasn't The Game of Life

It was my life.

You played this game in spite of the other who hurt you

You played to come out on top

Much like all the other games, you played to win.

 

But I wasn't winning

The game we were playing was long,

And I was losing so badly.

I was losing my relationship with my father

And after three years of playing,

I accepted defeat.

 

After three years of refusing to speak to my father

After three years were lost

I eventually realized and thought to myself,

"It's not worth it."

I knew that whatever we had argued about three years ago wasn't worth it

It wasn't worth the years of heartbreak and remorse that would follow

It wasn't worth losing my dad

To something far more unthinkable than death– my own stubbornness.

 

But I recognized I’d matured over those three years

I finally understood that we both had grown

Into different people, at a different time in our lives

Coming closer and closer to adulthood,

Part of me hoped that he, too, had recognized this.

I hoped that he recognized that I had indeed matured and changed

Over those three lengthy years

I hoped that he, too, was tired of playing this game

And could possibly forgive me.

I then decided to swallow my pride

And put all fear aside

So that I could apologize to my father

And in that very moment,

I had grown in more ways than one.

 

This year, marks another three years

Though these three years have not been nearly as quiet and bleak

The past three years have been kind to the both of us

And in restoring and rebuilding my relationship with my father,

I have grown, I have finally won

And those three years

Have made all the difference.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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