These Hateful Hands and its Hateful Heart

A galaxy of thoughts
Rushing through my head
As my trembling, pitiful hands
Sought what was ahead

It was always right there
So close yet so Far
That impossible motion
To change My into Our

Like two cars colliding
Our threads of fate entwined
The beautiful doves meeting
The stars had aligned

You were my shooting star
The one that came true
Once in a Lifetime
Double rainbow, pink hue

A flower converging
Its silky petals One by One
You showed me the world
Then it came all undone

You stole my shoelaces
Do you know how it felt?
You traveled farther ahead
Leaving me here to melt

I melted, I melted
From
The pressure
The heartache
The expectations
The dream once deferred

The storm crackled above
The black beast inside stirred
It was oh, so struggling to rise
So eager for the absurd

I will not let it rise
Never on my life
But then my heart was slashed
Through with a long, crusty knife

This deliberate gesture
A B raping one sweet flower
Then moving on to the next
Leaving the other to cower

The sweet lips caress
And nibble and tease
Only to leave without a trace
The pounding will never cease

The reality crashes down
Like sticks on my heart drums
You don’t bother to pick
Up all the floor-lying crumbs

The pendulum had suspended
Exiting my being
My heartbeat now broken
I find myself fleeing

Fleeing from
The trouble
The corruption
My heart’s fake double

…
You call me a coward
What else am I to do?
…

I stare
Down
At my hands
These hateful hands

The ones that held yours
The ones that sought you
The ones that gave up
The only ones that knew

Knew my true heart
Knew my soul’s crying
Knew my refusal
I have to keep on trying!

These hateful hands
This hateful heart

My body is a puppet
Crazy threads bending apart
The only ones truthful
Are my hands and its heart

My eyes refuse to stare
My legs do not budge
My mouth does not speak
My brain still holds a grudge

His leaving black silhouette
His back that’s still Proud
My hands stretch out towards him
Is my racing heart allowed?

The motionless marionette that I am
I lie and watch him go
The pain is so Cutting
So agonizing and slow

The Blood red waves lapping
At my wriggling toes
I venture further knowing its danger
But then my steps slow

The monstrous beast inside stirs
No more strength to overcome
Why deny the corruption and lies
I
Fall
To the raging currents I succumb

The pain slaps me.

My body convulses
As my sobs overtake me
The only truthful part of my body
Still hopelessly stretching

Stretching towards you
Stretching for merciless Fate
To please come take me away
Now, only the Grim Reaper Awaits

Only Time
Hopelessly hopeful time
I must leave like Cinderella
11:11 the clock chimes

Now, let’s rewind.

It was always right there
So close yet so Far
That impossible motion
To change My into Our

A galaxy of thoughts
Rushing through my head
As my trembling, pitiful hands
Gave up what was ahead

There was no chance.
The distance was too far.

These hateful hands
And its hateful heart